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  1.  (173.21)
    I was disqualified from Robot Wars for cheating by entering an electroplated hedgehog instead of building a robot.
    • CommentAuthornastyadam
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.22)
    I'm currently on a wayward space station, drifting ever so slowly towards a black hole. It's just me and a bunch of space whores.
    •  
      CommentAuthorJohn Smith
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.23)
    I'm one of the eight Jewish bankers secretly controlling the world. From now on you may refer to me as Moshe Citi.

    Obviously.
  2.  (173.24)
    I am the other seven jewish bankers.
    •  
      CommentAuthorBen
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.25)
    I am the greatest thing since sliced bread, which of course I invented.
    •  
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.26)
    Did you and Nil collaborate on toast, or was that all him?
    • CommentAuthorNil
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.27)
    The toast was all Nil, baby

    (God, I feel weird even typing something like that)
    •  
      CommentAuthorBen
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.28)
    You poor bastard. If you wouldn't have gone open source you could be bathing in bread royalties! Giving the people the knowledge? Hah! Now if you'll excuse me, William Hadaway and I have some unfinished business with a pool of money.
  3.  (173.29)
    I am a goddamned robot.
  4.  (173.30)
    I was raised by Polar Bears in Antarctica after my Scientist-Explorer Parents perished to the freezing Arctic winds.

    My adoptive Polar Bear Parents were then slain by fur poachers who then bound me and dragged me back to civilisation. My reintegration has been slow, and I still harbour a deep hatred for all mankind.
    •  
      CommentAuthorian.mcrob
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.31)
    AtomicSloth
    I sell jenkem to public school kids.

    I so worship you dude.

    AND I am Osama Bin Laden in hiding with a flat top for a disguise.............. T.Dah!!!
    bow down western infidels.
    • CommentAuthorAngurvaki
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.32)
    I´m always right.
  5.  (173.33)
    I have two penises. When I am not otherwise using them, they fight each other.
  6.  (173.34)
    Excuse the ignorance but what in mother russia's name is jenkem?
    •  
      CommentAuthorMiss
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.35)
    I wrote the Bible.
    Sorry, I was really wasted.
    • CommentAuthorsylper
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.36)
    My mother has a perfect excuse for her vicious and frequent turns of temper. She is actually a demon summoned from the pits of Hell by my father in his young and foolish years. He tells us he was trying for a succubus but must have screwed up the incantation royally.... On the other hand I never worry if I need to start a fire.....
    •  
      CommentAuthornativio289
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.37)
    I have a short story that will be published in the 2008 fourth quarter issue of <em>McSweeney's Quaterly Concern</em> that involves a former mainstream comic book writer (a thinly vieled Steve Gerber), whom in early 1978, kidnaps the corpse of Groucho Marx and holds it for ransom, but just gives away bits of the body to friends and accquaintances. He ends up with nothing left to ransom back to the family. Except for Groucho's right arm and his Marx Brothers Balls.
    •  
      CommentAuthorbschory
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007 edited
     (173.38)
    During a hostile takeover, I acquired all the contracts the devil had drawn up to buy souls from people. I quickly found a loophole to allow me to up the price of all the of the contracts retroactively. Now, for instance, instead of little Jimmy selling his soul for a formula 1 race car, he has in fact sold me not only his soul, but the soul of all of the offspring of his loins through the rest of human history. No more needing to barter for the souls of the youngest generation. I'm set for life.
    • CommentAuthorDemarc
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.39)
    My torso is tattooed with the complete works of Terry Pratchett.
    •  
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeDec 5th 2007
     (173.40)
    That must be a HUGE torso.

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