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    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2008
    Spent the past two days visiting the woman I might love. She's utterly strange and insane, which causes me to go anywhere from being utterly in love with her to mildly annoyed with her being around. Had some car trouble, but overall the days were pretty nice. Took her out to dinner tonight at an Italian restaurant where we had a hunky waiter who suggested this delicious chicken dish for me, which was phenomenal. Now I'm at my parent's house, where I'm supposed to be staying for a month, except I seem to never be here. In June, I'm off to Mexico for a few months, then I head back to my apartment in Brooklyn. Tonight, I just drove back here from Massachusetts. I got stoned, read some comics I bought earlier. Now I'm cuddling with the Internet, soon to sleep.

    Hmm...I love you so much, one of the comics I bought was yours. I liked it.

    Currently I'm reading The Fuck-Up by Arthur Nersesian, and I'm seeing too much of myself in the narrator. He's a bastard of a social chameleon, a bloodsucker.

    I feel like posting this picture:

    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2008
    Pledging: OK. Hand is over the heart, which way is your flag?

    Venting: I’m pissed that the things that seem so simple are so hard for me for to do. I’m pissed that time is moving faster and faster each year. I’m pissed that I feel stuck and overdue for a change, but am totally unprepared for what’s coming. It’s like earthquake weather.

    Recounting: The first panels of the latest issue of FreakAngels got me thinking that maybe each one of them represent a certain section of London. I know nothing about the town, but am reading up on it to see if that holds up. I haven’t had these sorts of literary thoughts in a while. It’s thrilling, and I do love you for it.

    Doing tonight: Staying in after a short bike ride to the store for dinner and beer. We just watched “Wristcutters: A Love Story”; it was a cute movie. Totally unbelievable ending. Well, totally unbelievable beginning and middle, too. But cute story.

    What’s happening in the world tonight? Everything, as always.
  1.  (2269.103)

    I feel you. I was 18 just yesterday, 15 years ago. Suddenly your high school reunion has come and gone without you even realizing it.
    But every year that goes by that much quicker there is more and more to see and hear and do. So screw it. And give Scotch a try.
    • CommentTimeMay 17th 2008
    I have no allegiance, but your forum(s past and present) are all I frequent beyond one other, so that's got to count for something.

    As time wears on, I've less and less to vent, which is good, it seems. Oh no, I've got a great job, selling people socks! It's awful, our safety director at work rollerskates in the warehouse! Though it has been terribly hot, and it shouldn't be, but I can't gather enough steam to vent about it. Too damn warm, I suppose.

    Your interlude last week reminded me I hadn't finished Last Man after losing my place in the book several months ago. Just finished and thank you for reminding me. It knocked me out of the crazy H. Beam Piper spiral I was orbiting. It was good to read a new and informed opinion on British disaster fiction, which is a bit of a love of mine and something that's been haunting me this past year or so. Some fragments that'd been floating about my head finally coalesced. And, since I'm recounting (and that last bit there was neither beautiful nor terrifying), your tone often reminds me of someone I knew once, if not gone into building movie sets and living like a hermit in the coastal range, in an unfinished house with no windows and a greenhouse built out of windows from the hotel in the Postman.

    In this flash of heat, before the strange new summer rains begin again, we're been spending the evenings driving and eating in small restaurants that have air-conditioning. This evening there were convenience store iced drinks and people watching. Places like that are like the circus, full of creatures I gladly pay money to see. The rest of the evening holds a little painting and annoying the neighbours with my attempts to slice salvaged computer parts into soothing shapes with a rotary tool.

    My face is everywhere. This is the curse of living with a photographer. God knows I've made you see it a thousand times, I won't push it on you now.
  2.  (2269.105)
    I've been so starved for friendship, that I actually postponed by much needed kidney procedure by two weeks to make room for a visit from an out of state friend. I'd had to wait over a month for my appointment at the surgical center, but that date landed on the Monday after MoCCA, which was ALSO when one of my oldest and bestest friends, visiting from San Francisco, had hoped to come by and entertain his lady friend at my quaint beach home for an evening or two.

    I'm in constant pain, and on a steady diet of hydrocodone, but the idea of finally having guests while being doped up on even more painkillers, bed ridden and delirious, with sharp shattered stone bits coursing through my insides and pissing blood from bruised internal organs made me want to cry.

    For nearly a year, I'd a gentleman friend who would visit me for days at a time on a weekly basis. I've now only seen him twice in over three months. This sudden distance has coincided with his getting a place that isn't the falling apart attic he used to begrudgingly inhabit. I've offered to trek my sickly, non-driving self the three hours by train to visit him, but it's never a good time, it seems.

    I'm befuddled as to how two people who don't have real jobs can have such difficulty hanging out.

    I've been sick, spent days in bed, and went terrifyingly mad from lonliness and solitude. I'm told that he wishes I were there... that I'm a priority over these things he's doing... and I'm told maybe tomorrow... maybe next week... It's not that he's lying, because I know that he HAS been very busy, and he HAS had lots of drama with money, family, friends, and landlord popping up repeatedly... but it's hard not to take personally.

    It's hard not to feel crushed.

    It's hard to navigate the responsible and realistic borders of my emotional state, because he's been 98% of my social interaction for the past year.

    I'm afraid I'm suffering from a Florence Nightingale syndrome.

    Because I'm totally retarded for the boy.

    (thank you for listening, Confessor Ellis)
    • CommentAuthorZeebo
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2008
    Today I spent all day cooking, but it was pleasant, so the details shall be saved for Sunday.

    Then I violated numerous traffic laws to make it to a movie on time. The movie in question was Prince Caspian. Could've been good had our friend Clive Staples not shat burdizzo'ed New Testament Jesus fairies all over it.

    Hmm...I think that'd make a good flash.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2008 edited
    Tomorrow is the last day of my Showbeast Artist-In-Residency visit to Oakland, CA. I'm the one in the middle:

    The Truth Wizard

    Spent the bulk of this evening saying goodbye to someone important. Two people clinging to each other in a drugstore parking lot silently agreeing that fondness for a person is not the same as love for a city.

    I'm running out of time here. Sleeping in a tent on a concrete floor. Behind me, wet puppet flesh dries on a mat of paper bags. We'll stitch him up tomorrow.

    After the party. The send off. The beach(!)

    Tomorrow I take what I'm feeling now, and coil a fist around it. Tomorrow I will beat up the ocean.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2008
    I've tried responding to this several times and Whitechapel keeps going down on me. as it were. we'll see if it works this time.

    I won't post a picture because I don't have any new pictures. the digicam is still dead. a new one may be in the offing, though, given recent developments.

    I have a new job. this means my husband and I get to stay in Japan. the job involves teaching children English. I can already tell I'm going to be listening to three times as much industrial techno and playing three times as many survival horror video games to make up for the amount of time I spend being cheerful, upbeat and energetic. graaahhhhhh
    • CommentAuthorFfordesoon
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2008
    Here is how I am feeling now:


    So I won't be posting something good, no.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2008 edited
    Best I can do...

    And yes, I am aware of my resemblance to Jamie Hyneman from Mythbusters
  3.  (2269.111)
    It's gothamasian from livejournal! Hope this finds you healthy and content:

    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2008
    365 day one hundred & twenty-three: cold weather
    My allegiance won't be in question until I publish my memoirs.

    I had strawberries for breakfast, ate them naked in my bed, barely able to keep my eyes open, so sleepy, but sweet. I thought the juice on my fingers was blood. I had them on the windowsill to beat the heat of morning. I put them there the night before, so when the alarm went off, I clumsily broke open the plastic shell and started eating berries.

    I spent my Saturday too awake, fighting the sun with my skin, at the helm of a viking war-ship I crew as a lead oar. My partner and I brought his mother sailing for Mother's Day, though he had never been either, so it was interesting. People paddle up on kayaks, confused by our red and white square sail, as if the crew should all be wearing horned helmets as hats. There were people standing on surfboards, paddling with paddles, up-right, surreal, and moving fast.

    After that, we went to KRAZY! The Delirious World Of Anime + Comics + Video Games + Art, an exhibition organized by the Vancouver Art Gallery with co-curators Bruce Grenville, Tim Johnson, Kiyoshi Kusumi, Art Spiegelman, Seth, Will Wright, Toshiya Ueno and exhibition design by Atelier Bow Wow.

    I was bartending that evening, too, at a show made of puppets and shadow-play, about a boy with a plant strapped to his back, to an audience of chic style freaks, the sort that everyone likes, with dreadlocks, striped stockings, and scarves that look like live flowers. I shouted from the bar, sang, twirled, and danced, over-charging on beer but giving away free wine. We almost stayed for the party after, but the fleshy heat drove us away. The wet towel air, sweaty with stoned hipsters and tattood burlesque girls was simply too much.
  4.  (2269.113)
    @ Zoem
    Well maybe being-a-bit-dippy can be endearing, but yeah proper stupid is usually to be avoided, really she was the only really stupid person I got on with...

    It wasnt real television, it was stuff saved on the telly-box-thing like many episodes of dexter and dr who. I feel slightly better.

    Fisher cats sound awesome and terrifying. They eat turkeys and porcupines?! Thats impressive.
    • CommentTimeMay 18th 2008
    Valley of ashes ? I'm doing that today!
    KRAZY!, Waiting till Monday