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  1.  (2601.1)
    Saturday Night Open Mic is for getting things off your chest, talking crap back at me, telling me what you're doing, telling me what you're planning, and detailing the loving and baroque ways in which you'd like to see me die. It's where I shut up and listen and you get to vent. Or make shit up.

    What's the title of your autobiography?

    Showing a photo is always good, puts a face to the handle and all, but don't worry if you can't. Just show up and speak, that's what Saturday nights are for on Whitechapel.

    Vent, dance, slur, vomit, confess, make me squirm uncomfortably in my chair. Tell me things. I am your Internet Priest, and I love you all.

    -- W
    • CommentAuthorpi8you
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    Nothing to vent about today aside from being at work through today's Anon rally the one time I'm awake and downtown when its happening. Just back from lunch where I went down there and sang Bohemian Rhapsody with them and informed a couple passerby before they closed up for the day and I had to get back to work.

    In fact, things are going darn well today- Started things off watching the newest Venture Brothers episode. Breaking in the new PSP I picked up yesterday to replace my broken one. Work is absolutely dead slow. Reinstalling Windows on my computer while at work(which my new hardware makes a dream of). Eating tasty food court Chinese while protesting Scientology. Gorgeous weather. Its like Anti-rant day over here.

    Autobiography- I'm Not Lazy, I'm Conserving Energy.

    Thank you for the blessed day, Internet Jesus.
  2.  (2601.3)
    Five years ago, I met this girl.

    Four years ago, she dumped me for a guy named Bob a month before I was moving to California to be with her, and then spent six months reading my Livejournal and leaving nasty, passive-aggressive comments. I kind of gave up on girlfriends after that; I'd just had a lot of bad experiences, and I realized on the whole I did better and was happier by myself.

    A couple years ago, she chilled out. A year ago, she apologized pretty comprehensively, and we started talking again.

    I saw her yesterday, for the first time in almost exactly four years. We went for tea at the Chinese Garden, and I took her on a walking tour of awesome things in downtown Portland, my adopted home. And it was good. And cathartic. She's not the girl I fell in love with years ago, and I'm not the boy who fell in love with that girl.

    Closure is well-named. It felt like a door in my soul closing, followed by this sense of, "Oh, that's where that cold draft has been coming from for years." On the flip-side, last night I realized that means I'm well and truly alone. And that got me down for a while.

    But today, the sun is shining, there's hundreds of people in pirate costumes wandering the streets getting progressively drunker. There's a pirate rock band about to start playing, and my friends the ninja band are going to fight them There's tallbike jousting in a park near my house, three parties being thrown by my close friends, three concerts I'd love to go to. And tonight is the World Naked Bike Ride. 800+ people in various states of undress, ruling the streets of Portland at 1 in the morning. How can you beat that?

    It's a Brand New Day. With no deals with the devil or ropey plotting involved.
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008 edited
    Good day in the store, sales are great. (comic store i own Collectors Corner is good and plenty of good books out there to read and making it easy to refer to customers, Warren's stuff is moving well...Dok Sleepless is big in our store selling 40-50 copies with each issue (sell-thru) Newuniversal is big, Thunderbolts, Trinity, Secret Invasion, The Twelve is a big hit too.
    Today im reading Johnny Ryan's Classic Comics Club hardcover, laughing pretty loudly and when i get bored im picking around the crusty edges of this gnarly scab with tweezers and a pen cap. Ive been patiently waiting for the right time. Got it from attempting to play basketball with some customers from the store on Sundays. Gonna have a nice night seeing Voodoo Glow Skulls at a small bar tonight, not real big on them but heading there with friends and thinking about getting beligerently drunk and starting a fight to releases some agression and lower my testosterone.

    Most recent pic of me i think, used as avatar

    last few weeks, not so great..dealing with insurance adjusters after my house was flooded by and overflowing toilet tank flow valve.
    Living elsewhere awaiting estimates for contractors, and repairs to our home. Insurance adjuster is a prick, could use a good beating with a table leg. Kid is upset, wife is going bananas.

    Autobiography titled - "Hereditary chronic masturbation and its symptoms"

    Oh yeah forgot - Warren how id like to see you die : In armor on horseback, live action role playing with real weapons
    • CommentAuthornilskidoo
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    whispers sweet nothings and screams bloody murder

    an autobiographical metaphor, featuring the Fighting American done as a Vertigo-esque book of 33 chapters, with each chapter corresponding to its equivalent degree in Freemasonry.

    and maybe this time, I will get the girl.
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008 edited
    OMG I'm awake when this thing is starting?

    I've got one week left in Florence and I'm already thinking about how much I want to come back to live for a year or two. And the worries about the guys being horrid? I've been able to handle the cheeky ones with ease (mostly). I think I've successfully gotten over my freakout about guys and their intentions here. That's pretty massive. I actually stumbled upon a busker who was playing a theremin walking from the train station (we had a daytrip in Venice). She let me take pictures, but they came out dreadfully. I'm starting to get more comfortable with more things and am starting to kind of start friendships with the locals. I had fun talking to one of the sidewalk artists and showing him my work (he was so kind and thoughtful). I wish I could hang out with him more actually. Won't see him again until Wednesday. :( I still adore my Uffizi card. I got to oggle Pontormo's in Santa Felicita today. I'm missing Sigur Ros by a couple weeks. :( I do miss my friends some though.

    Autobiography: "I still don't know what I'm doing."
    (That or something about obsessions, and drawing, or visuals. "Visually Obsessive"?)

    Um... picture...
    I can turn anything into a self portrait
    And since that one doesn't really show what I look like here's an old-ish drawing
  3.  (2601.7)
    I have this strange irrational fear of being stranded on a desert island somewhere with someone I'm sexually attracted to, and without having any wax, tweezers, or razor with which to groom myself. I want to get full body electrolysis, just so that I'll feel at ease and prepared in such an event.

    In that same vein, I feel I should learn to ride horseback, just for when the apocalypse arrives.


    I had four visitors in my house at once last weekend. That's only the third time in the year and a half that I've lived here that I've had more than one guest at a time. I don't get many visitors, nor do I get visitors often, save for one. But the having of houseguests, making a large dinner, having friends about... paired with the realisation that I'm cared for by the person I care about.... well, it's stayed with me. I feel... refreshingly unlonely, even though I'm by myself at the moment. It's wonderful. This would be why I don't have such terribly dark things to say about the state of my life, for a change.

    Here are some strange white trash pictures I took of myself last night:

    trash. trashy....  porn star?

    And now, off with me, as I've got to bike my backpacked self to the grocery store before it rains.
    • CommentAuthorIan
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    This is me.

    This isn't me. This is a woman I saw sitting perched on a bollard on Brighton seafront while out for a walk last weekend.

    Are we allowed to get political? If so I would love to tear into the British government, particularly after this last week and this whole 42 day detention thing. But hey, I quite appreciate that politics can piss everyone off so I'm happy to leave it alone. :-)

    If I ever write an autobiography ... well, I have to say I hate autobiographies so mine will probably be called "Do you really have nothing better to do with your time than to read the inane ramblings of a self-involved tit who thinks you actually care which school he went to?". I realise it's rather a long title and I might have to shorten it a bit for the paperback edition, but ...
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    Wierd day! Went to visit my dad in hospital where the had part of his neck removed because of cancer (thankfully not anything to do with his throat). Its a specialist head and neck unit so I was with him in a room with 6 other men aged about 50+ each of then coughing through a pipe in their throat and communcating via pen and paper.

    Autobiography: "Stop reading about my shit and go and live your own!"
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    Oh! and i am finally off to see Iron Man tomorrow.
      CommentAuthorTim Bishop
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    What's the title of your autobiography?

    Why The Fuck Did You Ask Me, Then?

    I'm nearly topped off with co-workers, friends close and not-so-close, and family members and even wives designating me their Advice Guy.

    I'm absolutely topped off with these people acting in direct opposition to my advice, which they just said they had to have. Almost pathologically in opposition.

    Why the fuck did you ask me, then? And why are you coming back again to ask me how to proceed now that you've ignored the previous advice?

    I'm going to turn my phone off and drink some cruel bourbon now. Before you ask, I advise you all to do the same. Bottoms up, Whitechapel.
      CommentAuthorJeff Owens
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008 edited
    Here's me, a bit high. I know: I really don't look like a stoner...

    2008 has been an insane year for me. There seems to be a lot of change and things are moving really fast. I finished the first year of my daily auto-bio strip some time shortly after midnight on January 1st. My cat/best friend of 12 years died sometime after 4AM on February 17th. On March 9th(ish), I joined Landmine Marathon, one of the biggest local bands in Phoenix. My older brother moved out of Arizona on April 30th (which was also the day of the first Satan's Monk show, which is my other band), separating us by more than 200 miles for the first time in our lives. On May 1st, I saw Rush for the second time and on the 26th I saw Iron Maiden for the first time. This month, I played my first show with Landmine Marathon on the 2nd, opening for Tragedy from Portland. Maybe a lot of these things seem mundane, but they are big to me.

    I also feel that this thing going on with me this year is not lilmited to me. 2008 seems to be a big year globally. (Maybe this simply is related to a shift in my life and thus, my awareness, but I feel this way, no less.) I feel like time is moving at a ridiculously fast pace this year. Somehow, I am manging to keep up with it all, but it seems like every day that I say to myself, "It's (insert day/month here) already?!" I can't believe I'm turning thirty this year. I don't have any problems with it, I am just amazed at how quickly I got here. And The Winged Serpent goes round and round.

    I have a lot more to get off of my chest, but I'm not looking to write a Whitechapel novel.
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    First) The other day i realized that ever since i started being ok with life in general, it started to feel like there was so much shit to do during the day. and i thought "wait a happy know. How come life is throwing me all this shit to do NOW that life and i are back on speaking terms?"

    Then it hit me:

    Theres always a ton of stuff to do, but when youre depressed you dont realize it because youre too busy bitching about things that dont matter.

    Thers work to be done, people.

    Second) The only people in this world that seem to be able to make me really regret doing something nice are A) parents and B) Hardcore Christians who think that just because youve chosen to not be a dick to them - it means that youve done God's work. I have my illogical faiths, but what if i didnt believe in a Christ or a God, and they were offending the shit out of me for assuming so. Its like they think that deep down inside, everyone is a closet christian who knows that bible thumpers have had it right this whole time, and for what ever reason are too cowardly to come forward. Lemmy set the record straight for all of those people.

    Third) I really hope you all have a good day ahead of you. Thanks for this space, Warren.
    If Internet gets in your eyes, consult a doctor immediately
    • CommentAuthorFlabyo
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    Not really a lot happening apart from work at the moment, the deadline continues to draw ever closer and the amount of work to do seems to remain fairly constant. That means going into the office tomorrow to try and catchup a little, which in turn means I can't really get hopelessly drunk this evening. Consoling myself by listening to random J-pop, t.A.T.u and random crazy Scandinavian/Baltic artists.

    The main downer of recent weeks is the confirmation that I really do need to start dieting soon. I'm off to a wedding in a fortnight and I've had to buy a new suit cause the old one no longer reaches around my increased gut. Thats a couple of hundred quid I could've done without having to spend. A lesser downer being that I was unable to get to London this weekend to buy comics, although I picked up Shockfront from the local shop he doesn't carry many indies so I am Doktorless.

    Also, I am somewhat stunned at tonights Doctor Who. Was that really an RTD one?

    My family and friends are mocking the newest photo of me, so it seems only fair to share:

    ...and we're wearing dark glasses. Lets roll.
  4.  (2601.15)
    The autobiography will be titled "...And Just Look Where It Got Me".

    It's hot here. 78 right now and it's late afternoon. I'm not designed to deal with the heat so I don't deal with the summers so well.

    I'm just getting over another bout with the Devil Cold. The Devil Cold is like a normal cold, except your body temperature hits about 200 and it makes you vomit. I've never had a cold that caused vomiting before the Devil Cold came around a couple of years ago.

    I finally had the "shooting people at random in the park" dream. Woke up with a massive erection and laid wide eyed in the dark wide for the next hour or so thinking "This CANNOT be a good sign".

    I was spoken to by my supervisor for describing a coworker as looking "like Elmer Fudd, if he wasn't a cartoon. And liked to fuck little boys."

    Other than that, life is the same as always. Work, sleep, repeat.

    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    Just got back from seeing Steven Berkoff doing his Shakespearean Villains one man show. Put a lot of new perspectives on the plays I've seen and introduced me to a few I've not. A great pleasure to see the man up close too. I would have shook his hand if I could. One thing he pointed out that applies to all things is that theory and study is all well and good, but practice makes perfect. Amen.

    I am now sitting at the beginning of a "week off" from work. During which I hope to finish rewrites and kick this festering carbunkle into copyedit once and for all.

    My autobiography : Probably "Me.Life.ToString()"

    A group of us at uni always wanted to be in a band called "Cornflakes after Midnight"
      CommentAuthorJeff Owens
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    I really couldn't have put any of that any better.
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    Today the boy and I went to a student appreciation picnic/barbecue for the Shaolin school. I was totally looking forward to it. We played on the swings and crawled through some playground equipment. But then the boy got all sick because the food wasn't ready until around 3:30pm and all he'd ingested all day was an energy drink. I tried to make him eat because his blood sugar was obviously low but we still left after the food and he's been sleeping on the couch for two hours now.

    Tonight is The Krawl. Performance artists all doing their thing within a few blocks of the same street. I want to go. I might have to abandon the boy and go without him. Today was the first time I've left the house in a week to do anything but buy groceries.

    The boy is considering a job at the Post Office. Government jobs have great benefits and pay surprisingly well. I'm actually considering doing the same, as long as my position doesn't entail delivering the actual mail or dealing with customers.

    Also working on a book idea. Macro-related. The community has spoken and they have said, "Hell yes, we will buy that shit." Thinking about going through the site Katie did. Seriously, anything to stave off the depression of doing close to nothing and not being able to find acceptable employment, i.e. a job that won't give me seizures.

    Oh, and I go to court Monday about crazy bitch that won't leave me alone. I'm hoping she won't show up at The Krawl and ruin my evening tonight.
    • CommentAuthorSteerpike
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    Mailed in my signed copies of the contract for a job I would have killed for ten years ago (three month job, but might lead to permanent). Anonymous was being all pirate-y across the street from the Scientology center.

    Considering the job thing, and the fact that I'm living in a part of town that's not unlike the suburb I grew up in (allowing for differences in architecture and climate between California and northern New Jersey), I'd like my biography to be titled Flitcraft: His Life and Times.
    • CommentAuthoroR.hal
    • CommentTimeJun 14th 2008
    One day, I was lost in the streets. I crossed the way of a preacher. He was alone and dressed in black. His face was dark and he talked to me this way : a lot of strange sentences, a lot of laments.
    He was sure that the good believer is on Abraxas side. His voice sang the glory of this entity. Great, bad, terrifiying and awaked creature. Beautiful and ugly. Both angel and demon. His chorus melt sex and bliss, power and humility. He said that I am able to become the New Man. Something else than a simple sheep.
    He made me think about people around me. He focused on a group in the crowd. "They're all the same. Afraid, small and gregarious animals. You're not the same. Wake up and grow up." With my loneliness, I can break the habits and find my mission. Through lust and spirituality. God! God... Was this preacher right?