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      CommentAuthorJon Wake
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008
     (3107.1)
    Life got you down?
    Are you stuck wondering why bad things happen to good people?
    Are you surrounded by a world of threatening and confusing forces?
    Do you need to feel like you know something that other people don't?
    And most of all, do you need a single cause to the world's sufferings, one that reinforces your basic worldview?

    If so, come down to Conspiracy Center, and we'll inundate you with all the ramblings our elite team of schizophrenics can produce! Looking for racist propaganda? Maybe our seminar on the Zionists causing 9/11 will be for you. Or maybe you need to justify your refusal to vote! The Skull and Bones special should suit your needs. But why take one? The more the merrier!
    Don't worry, we're laughing with you, not at you.*


    *This is a lie.

    So c'mon, guys, lets hear your favorite. The crazier the better.
    • CommentAuthorpi8you
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008
     (3107.2)
    Well, this is timely, just caught a fresh one on Fark- Steve Fossett may have faked his own death, with a choice quote:
    "It's not like we didn't have our eyes open. We found six other planes while we were looking for him. We're pretty good at what we do."
    • CommentAuthorWiseEyes
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008
     (3107.3)
    For conspiracies, I highly recommend The Illuminatus! Trilogy. Full explanation of the JFK assassination and his 4 shooters.

    The Hollow Earth stuff has been giving me twitches lately. Some of this shit just seriously wows me. I mean... those must be some GOOD drugs! Or just splendiferous crazy.
  1.  (3107.4)
    i found a great website recently (completly lost the link) which was all about cities and structures on the moon. it had all this photographic evidence from NASA's image database, even though they all clearly looked like just faults in the captures or areas of poor resolution...
  2.  (3107.5)
    All religions in the world are lies. They were all made up so people wouldn't adopt the one and only true religion, the one that truly explains everything.

    Scientology.

    I know, I know. It's a shock. Right now you must be thinking, "for many years I thought I'd go to Heaven sit beside God's throne for all eternity - even with the immense number of people who must be piling up there already - but it turns out the true explanation is that I have parasite alien souls in my spirit!". That's right, you do. We all do. Don't feel ashamed: it's perfectly okay to believe that 75 million years ago there was an intergalactic empire controlled by Lord Xenu who thought there was too much overpopulation and sent part of his alien people to Earth so they would burn in volcanoes in Hawaii, died, their souls tried to leave Earth, were sent back by soulcatchers Xenu cleverly placed in the sky and instead posessed each and every one of us. There's absolutely no shame in that. It sounds like a B sci-fi movie plot, but hell, they made a sci-fi movie out of it and it was awesome. Remember "Battlefield Earth"? Wasn't it fantastic?

    But even with Scientology being so OBVIOUSLY true, people chose to adopt the incorrect beliefs of religions created by Xenu's minions. Which makes no sense, because these religions sound incredibly dumb: a virgin giving birth? Walking over water? Talking to invisible people in the sky? 72 virgins waiting for you in heaven? You coming back as an animal after you die because you were evil? Read those several times and tell me if they somehow convince you. See? They DON'T.

    The reason Scientology isn't the only religion adopted in the entire world is because it was sabotaged from the inside. You see, they needed a messiah. Someone whose charisma, good looks and clear intelligence would easily convince people their souls were infected by several little ghosty parasites called "tethans" and three hundred thousand dollars wasn't an expensive price to get rid of them. They needed a guy who could do that.

    And they fucking picked Tom Cruise.

    Therefore it's firmly believed a tethan-infected bastard pretended to be a Scientologist, managed somehow to fool many true scientologists - all very intelligent people - and convinced the important ones Cruise was the man for the job. How he convinced them is unknown. I mean, look at Tom Cruise. Just look at his grinning face and see if you can think anything other than "complete moron". How is Scientology supposed to grow with this imbecile as their poster boy? I mean, all they had to do to shame legions of Buddhists in the world was having Keanu Reeves play Buddha.

    When a messiah is picked in Scientology, it's protocol to teach him the principles until he believes in them without a doubt. Several effective teaching methods are used: hot pokers, knives, electrodes and many others. But it worked a little too well on Tom. It was expected that he would live and breathe Scientology when his training was over, but not to the point he'd go around jumping on couches, being a moron (mm, no change there), marrying Katie Holmes, having a daughter called Suri and selling a golden statue of her first poo in an auction.

    An evidence that the conspiracy theory of the "The Fake Messiah" is true is that there were so many other celebrities to pick.

    Why not Tom Hanks?

    I don't even need to explain, he's Tom Hanks, but I'll do it aniway: when this man says something, can you honestly NOT believe every word? Don't you want to make a statue of him every time you see him? Isn't he a nice, sweet guy and an excellent actor? So why not him? He'd be the perfect poster boy. And he was there for the kidnapping. But no, instead they chose Tom Cruise.

    Piece it together. Doesn't it all make SENSE?
    • CommentAuthorKosmopolit
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008
     (3107.6)
    I like the one about how the Titanic was scuttled for the insurance money.
    • CommentAuthorWiseEyes
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008
     (3107.7)
    @Kosmo - fuckin AWESOME! You win this thread!

    @Andre - wow... bitter much? Yeah, after stumbeling across Operation Chanology I was somewhat embittered to Scientology. That's actually one of my favourite lines when talking to theists though, 'You think those ideas are silly, look at your own!' No, I'm not an atheist though.
    •  
      CommentAuthorroque
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008
     (3107.8)
    Jim Morrison is alive. just because I would kinda like Jim Morrison to be alive somewhere. and because it would turn the whole Oliver Stone movie into a joke.
    •  
      CommentAuthortedcroland
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008 edited
     (3107.9)
    Jim Morrison is alive.

    Him and Jerry play air hockey on some deserted island...

    I've always loved the Lizard People people. Y'know, the ones that proclaim that Lizard People control the world, and you can't see them because they move in other dimensions. Also, most world leaders and important people are Lizard People, too. Hi-Larious.
    •  
      CommentAuthorkrushdbug
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008
     (3107.10)
    I was an inside job
    • CommentAuthorKosmopolit
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008 edited
     (3107.11)
    Link to the Titanic insurance scam conspiracy theory.

    About a year before the Titanic sailed its sister ship the Olympic was severely damaged in a collision with a British naval ship.

    Because the Olympic's pilot was found to have been negligent the insurer refused to pay up.

    According to the conspiracy theory, the Olympic was patched up and repainted as the Titanic. The titanic was repainted as The Olympic and went on to sail for about another twenty years.
    •  
      CommentAuthorJon Wake
    • CommentTimeJul 27th 2008
     (3107.12)
    I've never heard the Titanic one. My personal favorite is the theory put forth in Holy Blood Holy Grail, that had the Knights Templar and the Cathars form an unlikely alliance to protect the bloodline of Christ which just so happened to dovetail into the Merovingian bloodline, of which one of the author's friends' so happened to be.
  3.  (3107.13)
    I am Jim Morrison. Several independent women have said so....
  4.  (3107.14)
  5.  (3107.15)
    I recently read a crazy and unbelievably long conspiracy theory which posited that Saturn's moon Iapetus is really an artificial spacecraft made up of two geodesic domes. The theorist believes Iapetus was designed as an orbiting church for a Saturn-worshiping Martian Human civilization which existed several hundred million years ago. It's an interesting idea for fiction, but this guy was completely serious. He accuses NASA and the Freemasons of withholding evidence which would prove his theory.

    I'll try to dig through my browser history for the link...

    A lot of space-based conspiracy theorists don't seem to be aware of JPEG compression artifacts and so they mistake them for genuine geometric structures. From this we get glass structures on the Moon, statuary on Mars, and a geodesic Iapetus.
  6.  (3107.16)
    aah, the mining operation and cities on the moon and mars...
    got to love those.

    and this too
    aye, right
  7.  (3107.17)
    @John Wake

    The quote about having found 6 other planes when they were searching and that they are pretty good at what they do...isn't that contradictory? If you were good at search and rescue wouldn't you have found the other 6 planes when they went missing...

    @roque and tedcroland put your two theories together...Jim Morrison was the Lizard King...it's obvious he didn't die he just moved in to another dimension...
    • CommentAuthorKosmopolit
    • CommentTimeJul 28th 2008
     (3107.18)
    Courtesy of the invaluable crank.net (which seems to be beign regualrly updated again after a long dormancy):

    The Satanic Conspiracy behind the car industry
    :
  8.  (3107.19)
    My favorite (somewhat) local conspiracy is the Steven LIghtfoot's theory that Stephen King, in league with Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan, killed John Lennon and set up Mark Chapman as a patsy.

    The guy actually drives all the way here (Bangor, Maine) from California in a van plastered with "information" about the killing. I just saw him the other day and he's gotten himself a new van. The old one was hand done, but now it's professionally lettered.

    The old van:

    Lightfoot old van

    He's written a booklet about it, available on his website.
  9.  (3107.20)
    Oh, very many, but the one in my head and studies at the moment is The Yellow Book, that item at Area 51 which contains a holographic history of the world.

    Favorite real one: P2, the Italian pan-industrial/governmental/media conspiracy to control the state.

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