Whitechapel - Conspiracy!

Conspiracy!

Jon Wake — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 17:45:51 -0700

Life got you down?
Are you stuck wondering why bad things happen to good people?
Are you surrounded by a world of threatening and confusing forces?
Do you need to feel like you know something that other people don't?
And most of all, do you need a single cause to the world's sufferings, one that reinforces your basic worldview?

If so, come down to Conspiracy Center, and we'll inundate you with all the ramblings our elite team of schizophrenics can produce! Looking for racist propaganda? Maybe our seminar on the Zionists causing 9/11 will be for you. Or maybe you need to justify your refusal to vote! The Skull and Bones special should suit your needs. But why take one? The more the merrier!
Don't worry, we're laughing with you, not at you.*

*This is a lie.

So c'mon, guys, lets hear your favorite. The crazier the better.

Conspiracy!

pi8you — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:00:15 -0700

Well, this is timely, just caught a fresh one on Fark- Steve Fossett may have faked his own death, with a choice quote:

"It's not like we didn't have our eyes open. We found six other planes while we were looking for him. We're pretty good at what we do."

Conspiracy!

WiseEyes — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:23:37 -0700

For conspiracies, I highly recommend The Illuminatus! Trilogy. Full explanation of the JFK assassination and his 4 shooters.

The Hollow Earth stuff has been giving me twitches lately. Some of this shit just seriously wows me. I mean... those must be some GOOD drugs! Or just splendiferous crazy.

Conspiracy!

offtandiscord — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:30:33 -0700

i found a great website recently (completly lost the link) which was all about cities and structures on the moon. it had all this photographic evidence from NASA's image database, even though they all clearly looked like just faults in the captures or areas of poor resolution...

Conspiracy!

Andre Navarro — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:32:35 -0700

All religions in the world are lies. They were all made up so people wouldn't adopt the one and only true religion, the one that truly explains everything.

Scientology.

I know, I know. It's a shock. Right now you must be thinking, "for many years I thought I'd go to Heaven sit beside God's throne for all eternity - even with the immense number of people who must be piling up there already - but it turns out the true explanation is that I have parasite alien souls in my spirit!". That's right, you do. We all do. Don't feel ashamed: it's perfectly okay to believe that 75 million years ago there was an intergalactic empire controlled by Lord Xenu who thought there was too much overpopulation and sent part of his alien people to Earth so they would burn in volcanoes in Hawaii, died, their souls tried to leave Earth, were sent back by soulcatchers Xenu cleverly placed in the sky and instead posessed each and every one of us. There's absolutely no shame in that. It sounds like a B sci-fi movie plot, but hell, they made a sci-fi movie out of it and it was awesome. Remember "Battlefield Earth"? Wasn't it fantastic?

But even with Scientology being so OBVIOUSLY true, people chose to adopt the incorrect beliefs of religions created by Xenu's minions. Which makes no sense, because these religions sound incredibly dumb: a virgin giving birth? Walking over water? Talking to invisible people in the sky? 72 virgins waiting for you in heaven? You coming back as an animal after you die because you were evil? Read those several times and tell me if they somehow convince you. See? They DON'T.

The reason Scientology isn't the only religion adopted in the entire world is because it was sabotaged from the inside. You see, they needed a messiah. Someone whose charisma, good looks and clear intelligence would easily convince people their souls were infected by several little ghosty parasites called "tethans" and three hundred thousand dollars wasn't an expensive price to get rid of them. They needed a guy who could do that.

And they fucking picked Tom Cruise.

Therefore it's firmly believed a tethan-infected bastard pretended to be a Scientologist, managed somehow to fool many true scientologists - all very intelligent people - and convinced the important ones Cruise was the man for the job. How he convinced them is unknown. I mean, look at Tom Cruise. Just look at his grinning face and see if you can think anything other than "complete moron". How is Scientology supposed to grow with this imbecile as their poster boy? I mean, all they had to do to shame legions of Buddhists in the world was having Keanu Reeves play Buddha.

When a messiah is picked in Scientology, it's protocol to teach him the principles until he believes in them without a doubt. Several effective teaching methods are used: hot pokers, knives, electrodes and many others. But it worked a little too well on Tom. It was expected that he would live and breathe Scientology when his training was over, but not to the point he'd go around jumping on couches, being a moron (mm, no change there), marrying Katie Holmes, having a daughter called Suri and selling a golden statue of her first poo in an auction.

An evidence that the conspiracy theory of the "The Fake Messiah" is true is that there were so many other celebrities to pick.

Why not Tom Hanks?

I don't even need to explain, he's Tom Hanks, but I'll do it aniway: when this man says something, can you honestly NOT believe every word? Don't you want to make a statue of him every time you see him? Isn't he a nice, sweet guy and an excellent actor? So why not him? He'd be the perfect poster boy. And he was there for the kidnapping. But no, instead they chose Tom Cruise.

Piece it together. Doesn't it all make SENSE?

Conspiracy!

Kosmopolit — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:33:06 -0700

I like the one about how the Titanic was scuttled for the insurance money.

Conspiracy!

WiseEyes — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 18:49:30 -0700

@Kosmo - fuckin AWESOME! You win this thread!

@Andre - wow... bitter much? Yeah, after stumbeling across Operation Chanology I was somewhat embittered to Scientology. That's actually one of my favourite lines when talking to theists though, 'You think those ideas are silly, look at your own!' No, I'm not an atheist though.

Conspiracy!

roque — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 19:09:30 -0700

Jim Morrison is alive. just because I would kinda like Jim Morrison to be alive somewhere. and because it would turn the whole Oliver Stone movie into a joke.

Conspiracy!

tedcroland — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 19:19:07 -0700

Jim Morrison is alive.

Him and Jerry play air hockey on some deserted island...

I've always loved the Lizard People people. Y'know, the ones that proclaim that Lizard People control the world, and you can't see them because they move in other dimensions. Also, most world leaders and important people are Lizard People, too. Hi-Larious.

Conspiracy!

krushdbug — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 19:31:41 -0700

I was an inside job

Conspiracy!

Kosmopolit — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 20:01:51 -0700

Link to the Titanic insurance scam conspiracy theory.

About a year before the Titanic sailed its sister ship the Olympic was severely damaged in a collision with a British naval ship.

Because the Olympic's pilot was found to have been negligent the insurer refused to pay up.

According to the conspiracy theory, the Olympic was patched up and repainted as the Titanic. The titanic was repainted as The Olympic and went on to sail for about another twenty years.

Conspiracy!

Jon Wake — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 21:37:34 -0700

I've never heard the Titanic one. My personal favorite is the theory put forth in Holy Blood Holy Grail, that had the Knights Templar and the Cathars form an unlikely alliance to protect the bloodline of Christ which just so happened to dovetail into the Merovingian bloodline, of which one of the author's friends' so happened to be.

Conspiracy!

KitsuneCaligari — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 23:50:49 -0700

I am Jim Morrison. Several independent women have said so....

Conspiracy!

frenchbloke — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 00:33:11 -0700

stargates are real and may be the real reason that Iraq was invaded.

Egyptian statues on Mars !

Time travellin' Elvis!

(from the insane folk at above top secret )

Conspiracy!

CodyMelartin — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 01:31:45 -0700

I recently read a crazy and unbelievably long conspiracy theory which posited that Saturn's moon Iapetus is really an artificial spacecraft made up of two geodesic domes. The theorist believes Iapetus was designed as an orbiting church for a Saturn-worshiping Martian Human civilization which existed several hundred million years ago. It's an interesting idea for fiction, but this guy was completely serious. He accuses NASA and the Freemasons of withholding evidence which would prove his theory.

I'll try to dig through my browser history for the link...

A lot of space-based conspiracy theorists don't seem to be aware of JPEG compression artifacts and so they mistake them for genuine geometric structures. From this we get glass structures on the Moon, statuary on Mars, and a geodesic Iapetus.

Conspiracy!

frenchbloke — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 01:53:46 -0700

aah, the mining operation and cities on the moon and mars...
got to love those.

and this too

Conspiracy!

Orpington2019 — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 03:46:02 -0700

@John Wake

The quote about having found 6 other planes when they were searching and that they are pretty good at what they do...isn't that contradictory? If you were good at search and rescue wouldn't you have found the other 6 planes when they went missing...

@roque and tedcroland put your two theories together...Jim Morrison was the Lizard King...it's obvious he didn't die he just moved in to another dimension...

Conspiracy!

Kosmopolit — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 05:17:27 -0700

Courtesy of the invaluable crank.net (which seems to be beign regualrly updated again after a long dormancy):

The Satanic Conspiracy behind the car industry:

Conspiracy!

ReverendJoe — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 05:27:42 -0700

My favorite (somewhat) local conspiracy is the Steven LIghtfoot's theory that Stephen King, in league with Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan, killed John Lennon and set up Mark Chapman as a patsy.

The guy actually drives all the way here (Bangor, Maine) from California in a van plastered with "information" about the killing. I just saw him the other day and he's gotten himself a new van. The old one was hand done, but now it's professionally lettered.

The old van:

He's written a booklet about it, available on his website.

Conspiracy!

Brendan McGinley — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 07:08:46 -0700

Oh, very many, but the one in my head and studies at the moment is The Yellow Book, that item at Area 51 which contains a holographic history of the world.

Favorite real one: P2, the Italian pan-industrial/governmental/media conspiracy to control the state.

Conspiracy!

roque — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 07:21:53 -0700

holy shit, Orpington, you're right. "He's not dead, he just went home."

actually, my true favorite conspiracy theory is that of Harry Goldgar. my husband used to see this guy protesting outside the White House.

Since early in life, I have been the subject of a massive project of psychotherapy in which the world public has collaborated but which no one will admit exists.

Conspiracy!

williac — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 07:57:41 -0700

This guy is in Chicago. I've asked around. Apparently, he's there all the time, but I can't say more, because he won't say more. He just holds his signs.

I wonder how many conspiracy theories are symptoms of mental illness.

Conspiracy!

KeeperofManyNames — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 09:41:57 -0700

Oh, please, don't ask me to choose! There are so many...

I like the Jim Morrison Faked His Own Death one, because I think it is somewhat plausible. He probably ended up getting eaten by lions in Africa, if it's true, but it's still plausible. It seems to me that he was the kind of person to set up such a complex hoax.

I'm not sure if McKenna's 2012 apocalypse really consists of a conspiracy, but whatever it is, it's definitely my favorite. Of anything. Ever.

Of the true conspiracies, though, my favorite would probably have to be the Order of Rosencreutz. Absolutely, without a doubt, a rennaisance prank that reverberates through the centuries to influence everything from the Holocaust to the Freemasons definitely has to win. It is truly a fascinating beast.

Conspiracy!

WiseEyes — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 10:02:38 -0700

@frenchbloke - wow, they've got some interesting shit on that site. It could be rather fun just making stuff up for a site like that. Might have to do that later on. Also, based off of the headlines and intros to those stories, it's surprising how accurate of a character Rorschach from The Watchmen is. The whole super-right wing but still conspiracy crazy thing I mean.

EDIT:
@roque - just finished reading the Goldgar thing. If all of that is the result of "curing" homosexuality, that's rather sad. Well, either way it's rather melancholy. Anyways, I'm almost tempted to try and convince someone that I was bred by the government for the purpose of hosting his dead brother's soul (brother 'died' in 1986, year I was born) so that it could use my mind as a psychic link, unknown to me, to plague his brother, Svengali style. I could get a pretty interesting story out of this...

Conspiracy!

frenchbloke — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 10:42:55 -0700

the conspiracy boards are stuffed to the gills with some great plots for someone to collate and stick together with fine illustrations. I once wrote a short tale regarding operation highjump (the allied invasion / expedition of Antarctica in 1946 ), Nazi's, Aliens, how the whole Fatima visitation in Portugal was the largest UFO sighting with contact and has been covered up by the Vatican and countries around the world and how a crack team of priests dispatch any alien visitor that dared to come in peace along with a few twists involving Eisenhower meeting folk from the sky in 52 and not telling the pope. It was very silly.

Conspiracy!

JP Carpenter — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:20:30 -0700

I am filled with admiration at the guy selling his Steven King Killed John Lennon pamphlet. That's genius. I was almost willing to pay for that. I must start work on my own... how about Karl Rove is synthesising the SARs virus in his basement in order to unleash a new infantilist world order where the elite wear giant nappies and shake rattles shaped like ICBMs?

Conspiracy!

thom_wong — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:32:06 -0700

@williac

How many? Uhm...all of them?

Conspiracy!

Jon Wake — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:42:33 -0700

9/11 is making the conspiracy theorists jump for abulafiac joy. In just a few short weeks, I've been exposed to (through my credulous roommate's consumption) several different theories.
9/11 was an inside job--
-- perpetrated by the CIA
-- or by the Neocons
-- or by Zionists inside the gov't
--using--
-- explosive charges in the planes
-- explosives in the buildings
-- radio controlled drone planes
-- government plants
-- in order to --
-- force a one-world government.
-- ensure the destruction of Isreal.
-- get more oil.

And that's just one thread of the 9/11 conspiracies. I'm not even scratching the surface.

Conspiracy!

tedcroland — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:44:40 -0700

Speaking of Morrison...anyone heard the one where Jim Morrison never existed?

Yeah, apparently he was actually three guys: One guy that wrote lyrics, one guy that sung his voice, and one guy that played the part. The theory is that one of them died, and the other two went on with their lives.

It's interesting to me, that some rock stars get the "never died" treatment. Garcia, Elvis, Morrison...why do they get to live on through these theories and, say, Cobaine, Lennon, and Hendrix don't? I suppose it's that the first two are more useful as icons dead than they were alive.

Conspiracy!

williac — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 14:45:54 -0700

@ thom_wong - I'd say some are the result of faulty reasoning and misinformation, not necessarily mental illness.

I'd also say that the small ones that result in convictions for collusion are legit.

Conspiracy!

pi8you — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 15:06:15 -0700

@wilac - is that a Snowtown tag under his feet?

Conspiracy!

houseofmystery — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 15:06:45 -0700

I'm really enjoying this thread! I've always loved conspiracy theories because sometimes the world is just a little bit *too* neat...

Conspiracy!

Some Call Me Tim — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 15:34:17 -0700

Here's the way I look at conspiracy theories...
I have no doubt the CIA, can assassinate ANYONE they want.
But I don't think EVERY assassination is the work of the CIA.
I'm reminded of that scene in one of the "Godfather" movies, where the old Mafia guy is getting protection money from everyone based on what the mob will do if they DON'T pay up...then it turns out there is no MOB behind the old guy, it's just a myth, a legend, or as Napoleon (Bonaparte, NOT Solo) once said "The reputation of power IS power."
What better way to keep people in line, than to make them think their government, or a secret society or a global conspirarcy or The Big Church is watching their EVERY move?

Conspiracy!

BMTMTC — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:02:14 -0700

Cabbage Patch dolls were really a US government creation to get people used to what mutants would like like after a possible nuclear war:

Conspiracy!

danny — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:33:58 -0700

are there any positive style conspiracy theories? I like Mckenna's 2012 because if I remember it correctly he wasn't saying the world was going to end in 2012 just that the information doubling(I forgot what the actual term is) was going to hit its apex dec 24th, which would mean the info doubling would happen every few seconds. I just remember him saying that he doesn't know what that actually means just that thats what his math showed. If thats the case what could cause that? some brain drug, a life extension breakthrough or what?

Conspiracy!

williac — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:36:10 -0700

@ pi8you - Ha... It's accidental, but damn...

Conspiracy!

offtandiscord — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:20:16 -0700

@danny - sounds a lot like the global consciousness peak thingy mentioned in books like the celestine prophecy and others.

there's a lot of stuff pointing towards 2012, but then there was a lot of stuff pointing towards 2000 too. i think the main one for the 2012 is the Mayan calender ending...

Conspiracy!

WiseEyes — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 18:03:47 -0700

@offtandiscord - well the whole thing about the Mayans is they see the world as cyclical. Presently we're in the 5th iteration and it's not going to end... well it'll end for us, but the world will be reborn and humanity will be made again. Before there was fire, flood, something, something else. I think it's supposed to be super-jaguar death this time. Also, we're the blue corn people! I wonder what's next?

Conspiracy!

offtandiscord — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 18:08:41 -0700

purple wheat i hope.

Conspiracy!

rickiep00h — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 18:53:58 -0700

Super-jaguar death? Hell of a lot more stylish than dying in a flash of nuclear fire.

I guess we'll just have to keep monitoring the jaguars, lest they become super-jaguars.

On topic: favorite conspiracy is still the Moon Landing one (i.e., we never went to the Moon, it was just a soundstage and elaborate media hoax.) It sounds plausible until the people that believe it start explaining it, and my brain starts leaking out of my ears.

Conspiracy!

Pablo — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:16:46 -0700

Cabbage Patch dolls were really a US government creation to get people used to what mutants would like like after a possible nuclear war:

That is BRILLIANT.

Conspiracy!

Steven Hutton — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 01:01:34 -0700

OK, my personal favourate. I fucking love this one.
So some lunatic, some saint, some modern day Tesla invetend a lightbulb that never burns out way back in the eighties. But General Electric bought the patent and shelved it so that we'd all have to keep spending money on light bulbs and they could turn a profit. The best thing about this one is that it works for anything. I've heard a version including tires that never wear out (bought up and hidden away by Perrelli) and of course loads of ones about efficient electric cars. This all leads to the much more outlandish claims about free energy devices.

Conspiracy!

Kosmopolit — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 04:17:48 -0700

You can actually build light bulbs that'll last indeifnitely - the problem is that making the filament thicker makes them more expensive and far less efficient.

Conspiracy!

Kosmopolit — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 06:03:44 -0700

Just to prove anything can be the basis for a conspiracy theory, I give you The Muslim War on Icecream.

Conspiracy!

Brendan McGinley — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 07:32:56 -0700

My favorite opening line from a conspiracy article ever went something like. "My name is Theo, and I'm an alien abductee. Not your standard greys, though; these were draco-reptilian Aryans."

My favorite conspiracy headline is: "Lizard people not yet found beneath Los Angeles."

Conspiracy!

roque — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 08:30:09 -0700

I once read a conspiracy theory that O.J. had been framed in order to cover up the fact that the moon landing was fake. two for the price of one, there.

Conspiracy!

LokiZero — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:22:39 -0700

My favorite: Arnold Schwarzenegger's brain was switched with Ronald Reagan's.

Conspiracy!

dahveed — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:43:55 -0700

King Kill 33 Degrees is amazing. Basically, it is the big Kennedy assassination one. If I remember correctly, it is all about how his murder was actually a mason ritual killing in order to eliminate a part of the American psyche.

I read it back in college, in the middle of the night during one of my adderall induced sleepess periods, and for a moment there, the sheer amount of detail almost made me believe.

Another great one is the Majestic-12.Twelve scientists who supposedly investigated the Roswell crash and later went on to, presumably through backward engineering, lead and revolutionize their respective fields.

Conspiracy!

JP Carpenter — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:59:19 -0700

I've long been intrigued by this one - 'mysterious deaths' of a number of defence scientists in the '80s, probably because the disused cafe that one guy blew himself up by driving into is just a few miles down the road. Very odd.

Conspiracy!

XIbalba2012 — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:15:31 -0700

My favorites are those put forth by David Icke. I find them very credible, in that I've had similar theories long before I learned of the mans existence. Anunakki, Zeta-Reticulans, Reptilians. Seeding the planet with human life countless millenia ago, and thru selective inbreeding manipulating the evolution of the human race, using royal bloodlines, like those of the British Royal family, the Rothschilds, a significant number of U.S. presidents, whose ancestory can be linked back to Charlemagne? How about Flouridated water causing a 20% I.Q. Drop? And lets not forget the ALpha Waves given of by Television sets, Radios, Cell Phones, all to keep our minds unable to imagine. Living in Philadelphia PA, I see this first hand. My kinfolk almost seem as though they choose to be dumbed down, for anything else would be "uncool." I live in a nation of people who waste their time and money buying toys and worthless widgets, rather than taking advantage of our FREE libraries, wherein one could learn all they wish, even if, for whatever reasons they may not be able to attend school(School's, which do there best to keep imagination at a minimum anyhow). Oh, and believe you me, the reasons kids cant or wont go to a school are a great many. I've been saying it for over ten years, and the more time progresses the more obvious it gets, and the worse the situation gets.
Weather these people truly are snake-men from beyond our dimentional perseptions (85 percent of matter is invisible to our senses...they call it dark matter. what is it? No one knows for sure, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Astrophysicist extrodinaire, himself that we are "dumb-stupid" as far is this mysterious substance is concerned. Other consipiracies that deserve our attention: Donald Rumsfeld and Aspartame, as well as the Monsanto Corporation.
check it out, heroes!

Conspiracy!

tedcroland — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 15:58:45 -0700

Conspiracy!

Jon Wake — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:01:29 -0700

Ah, XKCD, you eat lies and spit truth.

I always figured there are two big motivations behind conspiracy theories. The first is raw ignorance. If you have absolutely no idea of the state of Middle East politics, terrorism, or basic physics before the 9/11 attacks, of course you're going to be confused by them. And when we are confused, we look for an explanation. Most conspiracies are a perfect illustration of the old saw "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing."

The second factor is spelled out by the XKCD strip. People decide something is true and only listen to the other people who tell them their beliefs about the ten shooters on the Grassy Knoll are right, feeding the persecution complex these people get. I remember one of the 9/11 conspiracy theories my dullard roommate indulged in was based on this little geometric proof.
a. George Bush, Jr. lied about the invasion of Iraq.
Therefore GWB is a bad man.
b. 9/11 was a horrible event.
If GWB is a bad man and a liar, then 9/11 was an inside job.
c. Here are all the bad camera angles and misread or outright falsified evidence that proves it.

Conspiracy!

WiseEyes — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:10:02 -0700

Also, notice readily available 9/11 Conspiracy Counter Arguments by:
Scientific American
Popular Mechanics
and Skeptic's Dictionary

EDIT: However, I do recall a network news caster talking about warning signs/threats the intelligence community had received prior to 9/11 and how a lack of cohesion between branches prevented effective action on the intelligence. But these days they claim there was no warning for it, so either they were lying then, now or both. I'm inclined to believe they are lying now, because how does an operation of this scale get planned and prepared (partly in the US) without the intelligence community taking notice at all? That's BS.

Conspiracy!

Jon Wake — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:12:17 -0700

You're just a part of the conspiracy!

How much is George Bush paying you?

9/11 Conspiracy Theories 'Ridiculous,' Al Qaeda Says

Conspiracy!

WiseEyes — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:14:16 -0700

@Jon Wake - Fuck, you're on to me! Where's my suicide pills...

Conspiracy!

XIbalba2012 — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:33:18 -0700

Hear Hear, Jon Wake. While, I would not rule out that the September 11, 2001 tragety was an orchestrated plot much like the gulf of tahnken affair (yeah, I spelled it wrong, sue me), the fact remains that I cannot prove or disprove it either way. I do think that if it was not an "inside job" it would be the exception to the rule. Everything from the Lusatania, to the (provoked) attack on Pearl Harbor, to the Gulf Of Tonken(which is a proven Lie) were all, as my research and cross referencing thereof were perpetrated by The world bank and other such cartels to get Americans into the War, despite our staunch vow of nuetrallity before the afformentioned tragedies. The Roosevelt family had intimate ties to the banking cartels responsible for the implementation of the Federal Reserve, The Gold Seizure of the great depression, and the the members of those high ranking banking officials who implemented the Federal Income tax law during the Woodrow Wilson years. Federal income tax is completely unapportioned, and a significant number of states never ratified the bill, making this "civic responsibility/duty" grossly unconstitutional. There isn't even a law stating we NEED to pay this tax. I defy anyone to show me a law in writing. If you can, I will gracefully admit I am wrong in this regard.
However, as I do believe all of this, when I hear my friends say things like "we never landed on the moon" or "9/11 was an inside job" I tend to cringe, even though much of my being agrees. They lose me, due to their certainty of the matter. They were not there, so they cannot possibly be certain. They have no knowledge of Lunar or Spacial Physics, yet somehow they speak as if they know beyond a shadow of a doubt. Which is impossible. I don't know beyond a shadow of a doubt, despite my belief in the matter. Incorporation of new information and data can easily change my mind on the subject. When the History Channel aired a 2 hour special on the 9/11 conspiracy, a friend of mine described as "completely biased bullshit." He seems to think the word "biased" means anything he doesn't agree with. I saw the documentary and they covered both sides of the story. That's not biased, my friend, Victor, you should read a god damned dictionary, right?

Conspiracy!

mybrainhurts — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:12:57 -0700

Just to prove anything can be the basis for a conspiracy theory, I give you The Muslim War on Icecream.

Maybe that would explain that story a few months ago about Muslims boycotting Burger King as their ice cream logo looked like the word 'Allah' in Arabic.

I don't believe anyone but Oswald shot JFK. I do believe that the CIA helped sell crack to fund the Contra war.

I agree with Charlie Brooker for the most part on the subject.

Conspiracy!

tedcroland — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:38:18 -0700

Actually, one of my favorite things about some of the "World Bank" conspiracy theories is that people often claim that the Federal Reserve is a private organization, and the board of the Fed is kept secret from the public. Neither of those statements are true. Forgive me if I'm constructing a strawman, but I find it funny that 1) you can find the list of members of the Fed on the internet, and 2) the entire point of the Fed is to be separate from the regular branches of the government to avoid bias. It's skirts the line between public and private so as to ensure it's independence from administration, while simultaneously retaining responsibility to the populace. Also, the idea that the Fed lends out money to the nation at interest is untrue, outright.

I have a friend who constantly talks about his conspiracy theory friends. One of them is a functional illiterate, so they tend to just watch videos on "Gloogle" (functional illiterates can be funny) and believe everything they see there. They have said that when the US goes to war, they just go ahead and print up all the money they're going to need, and use that...and that the deficit is a myth. They've said that FEMA is constructing concentration camps that look awful similar to abandoned government facilities, and they don't have any security to them (seriously, the videos of people going there is hilarious--they just hop the fence and start pointing out where the executions are going to take place).

Conspiracy!

KeeperofManyNames — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:40:18 -0700

Jon Wake, did you seriously make a reference to Foucault's Pendulum by Umberto Eco earlier? If so, you may very well be my new hero. That feeling is augmented by your quoting of The Onion.

As far as the faked moon landing theory goes, I find Robin Ramsay's speculation on the subject fascinating. He suggests that some of the pictures may not have turned out, making it necessary to fake some for the general public. This would have been done to keep the public interest high. So, there is a shred of truth in the theory. I'm not sure if he's right, but it sure is a fascinating idea.

In fact, Robin Ramsay's book Conspiracies is a great read, since he details a lot of the psychology of conspiracy theories, and describes how hard-core conspiracy nuts are their own worst enemies. Basically, by being obsessive and crazy, they create a natural tendency for people to write off anything about conspiracies as crazed babbling. For instance, there are a bunch of CIA-based conspiracies with heavy documentation around them, yet people still refuse to believe in them. This is probably partly a product of that kind of anti-conspiracy backlash. I cringe, also, when I hear someone ranting so obsessively about these ideas. [Although, I confess, I do it myself if someone is being super excessively sheeplike in my presence... What can I say? They grate on my nerves.]

Has everyone seen Zeitgeist. Hah, XlBalba2012, I can tell you have. I take the content with a grain of salt, but they definitely make a compelling point.

I don't have a link on me, and I haven't checked it out yet, but Who Killed The Electric Car? looks like an interesting one to watch, too.

And, last but not least, my new theory: Jim Morrison faked his own death, used ancient Egyptian immortality rituals, received plastic surgery from a surgeon in the pay of Alaister Crowley's followers, spent several years in hiding in Russia with Rasputin, and then emerged as.... GRANT MORRISON! It makes perfect sense! He's hiding in plain sight!

Conspiracy!

rickiep00h — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:52:33 -0700

I bet you could get Grant Morrison to go along with that. From what I've heard, he's convinced he conjured up the disembodied ghost head of John Lennon. I have the book he supposedly said that in. I should get around to reading it.

Conspiracy!

KeeperofManyNames — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:14:14 -0700

He also apparently made a pact with a Staph infection to spare his life. In return, he promised to make it immortal-by turning it into an Archon of the Outer Church. Maybe someone should suggest my theory to him...

Conspiracy!

roque — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:15:45 -0700

a. George Bush, Jr. lied about the invasion of Iraq.
Therefore GWB is a bad man.
b. 9/11 was a horrible event.
If GWB is a bad man and a liar, then 9/11 was an inside job.
c. Here are all the bad camera angles and misread or outright falsified evidence that proves it.

I agree with the first part.

I guess that's where the slippery slope comes in.

Conspiracy!

tedcroland — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:37:43 -0700

I don't have a link on me, and I haven't checked it out yet, but Who Killed The Electric Car? looks like an interesting one to watch, too.

I have a friend who teaches at a school for race car mechanics, and has worked at raceways and been in the industry for a number of years, and he told me within the industry, the suppressed truth behind the GM produced EV-1 was to avoid a liability lawsuit because there was a universal fail point that would cause the car to randomly catch fire.

That is not in the movie, of course, because it would contradict the theory that it was LE EVEL OIL COMPANEEZ

Conspiracy!

outlawpoet — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:59:51 -0700

That is not in the movie, of course, because it would contradict the theory that it was LE EVEL OIL COMPANEEZ

I don't doubt that was the reason for the specific recall (which is unhappy, but hardly the only point of the movie), but the larger reason there's no electric car today from GM is that the companies involved managed to get the California Air Resources board to reverse their Zero Emission's policy plan, so the companies no longer needed to comply.

Conspiracy!

S-854 — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:36:00 -0700

One of my favourites comes from 50 Things You're Not Supposed To Know, from Russ Kick:

In 2002, The US military, spearheaded by the Defense Science Board, proposed the creation of a military unit called the Proactive Pre-Emptive Operations Group, or P2OG. The goal of the P2OG would be to provoke terrorist attacks, and then catch them in the act.

This leads to the obvious questions: what if they didn't catch the terrorists and the attack went unhindered? What about public safety? Etc etc.

Kick's stuff is generally exhaustively researched, and this is no exception; there are a number of articles quoted in the back of the book regarding this proposal. He writes the chapter like the group already exists, which seems a little conspiracy-theory to me. Proposal, yes. Implementation? Doubtful.

Also, @Steven Hutton; in the same book, Kick documents the existence of electric cars about 20 years before gas-powered vehicles. So there's some support there. (I've always wondered, though -- if electric cars are produced with the intention of charging them during "low-demand periods" like late at night, what are we going to do if/when everyone has one... ?)

Conspiracy!

Kosmopolit — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 23:08:31 -0700

"...the suppressed truth behind the GM produced EV-1 was to avoid a liability lawsuit because there was a universal fail point that would cause the car to randomly catch fire.?

I guess the Toyota RAV4 and the other electric models involved in the California ZEV program all had the same fault then.

Also the first-generation EV1 used conventional lead-acid batteries so its hard to see why they'd be any more prone ot catch fire thanany other car.

The second generation EV1 used the nickel hydride batteries that have been used without incident by the Toyota Prius since its introduction.

Conspiracy!

tedcroland — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 23:29:18 -0700

@Kosmopolit

Like I said, that's what he told me. I never claimed to have an answer, but you'll notice that that specific explanation is missing from the film...if it were really that flimsy, why wouldn't they argue it down?

Probably more because they're incompetent, rather than anything to do with the validity of the argument.

Conspiracy!

Jay Kay — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 00:21:54 -0700

@Tecroland: I was half-tempted on posting that XKCD comic as well.

@XIbalba2012: Your mention of the Gulf of Tonkin reminds me of another reason why I think conspiracy theories are made: when you consider that the Vietnam War was pretty much proven to be started on a lie, and after you hear some of the wierd shit that the CIA has admitted doing during the 50s-70s and all of this, it wouldn't be all that hard for people to think that these theories are true, because, well, look at what else has been proven to be true.

Conspiracy!

doclivingston — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 00:54:51 -0700

I'm surprised none of the Greg Palast/voter caging/election shit has come up yet. It's my "favorite" in that it's been validated pretty clearly (especially if you follow Palast's work at all) and has directly fucked my country and world up in a very real, verifiable way as a result. But yeah.

Corrupted Presidential Elections. There's my vote for a favorite. Depressing in its lack of fantastical ridiculousness.

Conspiracy!

BrianKellett — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 05:04:34 -0700

The crazy stuff is funny alright, but it's the less 'crazy' things that are published by mainstream media that are scary.

Stuff like 'Muslims ban Christmas celebrations', or, 'Muslim doctors refuse to wash hands'

Actually, the whole programme is pretty good.

My point is, that it's pretty easy for the public to be taken in by lies if the person/company/government spreading them isn't blatantly batshit crazy.

Conspiracy!

XIbalba2012 — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 05:35:49 -0700

@ Reynolds: You are more right than you know, I think. I don't know what kind of exposure you have to American coverage of the Presidential Run over in the U.K. but listen to some of the nonsense that's been poured into my ears: "Barrack Obama is a secret Muslim." Even if he was Muslim, so what. I've been lead to believe that our country was founded on a "Freedom of Religion" concept(ok, yea, freedom so long as your were Protestant. Catholics, Jews, and any others were outcasts).

Katie Curick was quoted as saying to Barrack Obama, just after he had won the nomination, and I quote: "Can you see Hilary as your VP, or do you look at her and just think Ugh?" That's right. "Ugh" Is that what my country passes for professional journalistic jargon? "Ugh?" That's not a word Katie...it's a sound made by bubbleheaded simpletons.

@DarkKnightJRK: You are also, absolutely correct, sir. Every war was based on a lie. I think we should stop calling these "conspiracy theories" and calling them "sneaky shit the powers that be pull not only behind our backs, but right in front of us. Sometimes even tricking us into Demanding they chip our basic freedoms away.

@Keeper of Many Names: yes I have seen the Zeitgeist movie. And I'm sure it has it's own bias' peppered in there something good. But, as you say, they make some compelling points. Should I post the links for the Zeitgeist movie here for all to see, or would I be wasting space?

Conspiracy!

Brendan McGinley — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 05:38:53 -0700

I love, love, love Majestic-12. It's great on its own, but it also fits in beautifully with Danny Cassolaro's Octopus, and the Aquarian forces, all the way up to Marvel Whiteside Parsons and Crowley's Babylon Working madness. King Kill 33 is also mind-blowingly horrifying.

Conspiracy theories blend disparate awesome into one cohesive insanity. They're kind of like DC continuity that way.

THE BIG BOOK OF CONSPIRACIES always bends my head the right way when I need to get cracking on a tale. One of my favorite books.

Conspiracy!

XIbalba2012 — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 05:42:02 -0700

David Icke on Aspartame

Conspiracy!

Brendan McGinley — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 06:38:10 -0700

The thing with David Icke -- he's plainly nuts.

And yet he does have a 9 in 10 knack for picking out reptilians who seem like, yeah, they really are part of a brood of inhuman, lizard-brained beasts.

Conspiracy!

XIbalba2012 — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 09:22:22 -0700

Brendan...hasn't every major breakthrough in the history of humankind been initiated by madmen? DaVinci, Gallieo, VIncent Van Gough, Sigmund Freud, Shakepere, the list is endless. Hell, even Al Gore, and he has a Nobel Prize, which is a Madman's prize to begine with. Wasn't the first Nobel Prize awarded to the person(s) who invented dynamite? We've all heard the saying "there's a fine line between insanity and genius." This leads me to believe that those who are "plainly nuts" are infact so deep into genius, that normal folk don't know how to connect with them, and thus label the "nutters."
Einstein suffered frequent bouts of depression, Abe Lincoln suffered some sort of Mental Illness (though the exact condition, I am not aware of, until I look it up later.\
In conclusion: It's the so called "crazy" people we should be listening to, rather than those who have absolute definitions of life and reality, who are conceitedly ignorant of the notion that the Universe just might have other ideas.
You said it yourself, Brendan: 9 out of 10 accuraccy rating for pointing out peoples who allow their "reptilian" brain faculties to override their their mammillian ones.
Post Script: I'm happy you used the term "lizard brain beasts," which implies, while not necessarily shape-shifting snake-men from beyond our solar system, but rather those individuals, who rule our world, choosing to ignore human emotion in liu of cold blooded attitudes towards life. And wether they be alien snake people or not, they still engage in Druidic, Luciferian practices, and are themselves convinced that they are snake-people.

Conspiracy!

XIbalba2012 — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 09:30:20 -0700

Which brings me to another topic. The Colombine type kids. My theory is they are, in fact, brilliant children, who cannot connect with their dimwitted peers, and are unable to be guided possitively by incompetant school systems, who belive in absurd concepts like "normalcy." Very small wonder they grow introverted to the point where their bottled up hatred eventually explodes in violent attacks on everyone around them. Not that I approve of their actions mind you. I find it appauling, but I blame the systems that groom them just as much as I blame the perpetrators themselves. If these Kids focused their anger in creative, artistic ways, weather it be writing, drawing, painting, composing music, they'd have a constructive outlet for their anger. Now let's look at the systems' solution towards these kids who shoot up their schools. THey actually ban creativity, and further rob their students of individuallity, by making them wear uniforms. Bad enough they try to make everyone think alike, but now they have them look alike as well, further robbing them of their individuallity, stifiling independant thought. Do you not think, this is the sort of crap that causes these kids to go ballistic to begin with? Not that this is neccessarrilly a conspiracy in itself, mind you, but more evidence of the ineptitude of a scholastic system that has made no progress whatsoever since the days of Confusious

Conspiracy!

hank — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 09:32:00 -0700

This is always good for a laugh Blood on the Altar

I mean really, who pays to get this shit published?

Conspiracy!

doclivingston — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 10:39:09 -0700

I'm extremely tempted to correct everything I see wrong in those last few comments, Xbalba, but it'd get off-topic and potentially rude. That said, I'll just put this out there: if you don't understand the value of "normalcy", it's simple. A normally-developed personality, that's met appropriate benchmarks in ability and thought, primarily the ability to healthily socialize, will lead to a person that lives within the confines of standard societal behavior. That's normal. If you think that's a bad thing, you're not into psychology then. Abnormal means Columbine. Abnormal means killing cats because you never learned empathy for other living things. Abnormal is bad. It's not really about creative self-expression at all, or stifling it; it's more about being capable of authentic human connection. That's normalcy, and it's stupid to criticize promoting it.

Apologies for going off-topic.

Conspiracy!

outlawpoet — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 12:56:29 -0700

@doclivingston

I'm extremely tempted to

I'm sympathetic to your inclination, fella. One thing I've hard to learn at great personal cost is the ability to disconnect and let someone be wrong on the internet. You're never going to save everyone, so sometimes you just need to disengage.

I will say that the "Mayan Calendar ends in 2012" meme has fucking bugged me since they put it in the Shadowrun RPG back in the day, and now, in 2008, it's only getting worse. At this point, my only chance to save myself is to go back in time and kill Terrence McKenna before he took a break from talking about self-transforming machine elves to somehow inject this idea into the mainstream. It's starting to show up in goddamn news programs as color commentary, and transiently existing in wikipedia before someone stomps on it, I don't know why the idea is so attractive, but at this point it's almost received wisdom.

Conspiracy!

Darthshatner — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:24:12 -0700

Harry Goldgar was quite a character. I met him just around the time the White House had closed off Pennsylvania Avenue to vehicular traffic (which was practically an ingraved invitation to any interested party to stand in the street wearing a sandwichboard sign advertising your con). His sign read "Free Harry Goldgar!" Okay, I'll bite "Who's Harry Goldgar?" I asked. "I am." He said. He proceeded to tell me all about medical experimentation, transparent thoughts and how everyone else could read his mind. The theme to Oliver Stone's JFK rolling through my mind as I eyed the White House behind him.

One of my fave all time conspiracies is one I heard way back in 1991 in Roswell, N.M. Keep in mind that this is pre-X-files Roswell stuff before media overkill made it a household name. There was a guy who ran a video store on the outskirts of town called "Outta Limits" and the had a tiny UFO t-shirt and book shop inside the video store. That was all the town had at that time, no museum or anything playing up the incident, just this one dude who had all the dirt. Really damn cool. Anyway, one aspect of the crash story that drew mad speculation from the government was that after the crashed disc was recovered no power source could be located. It was speculated that when the saucer blew up the gravity drive reactor caused a space-time rip with different parts of the crash cascading over the earth at different points in time. One bit over Tunguska in 1908, another piece in Roswell in 1947, and the bulk of it to come down on earth at some undetermined point in the future. Everyone in government was really quite freaked at what to do because it was feared that the remaining piece was the antimatter reactor core. And that's why we have so many underground Army bases, to survive a potential antimatter doomsday. What a great fucking video store!

The real kicker for me was getting my wife, then girlfriend, a shirt from the giftshop and years later seeing Frank Black in an interview for his first post-Pixies album wearing the same shirt. Too cool.

Conspiracy!

Darthshatner — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:25:30 -0700

Sorry, multiple post. Lousy Japanese computers!

Conspiracy!

Darthshatner — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:25:46 -0700

Conspiracy!

Darthshatner — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:25:53 -0700

Conspiracy!

WiseEyes — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:51:16 -0700

I remember watching Zeitgeist and growing very excited for the first few hours. After I got a full nights rest, I realized maybe it was a little far fetched. Ultimately, it drifted from my mind. What did stay, were the parallels between the different religions that they hounded on in the first part. Before I watched the video, it occured (I have no idea how this word is spelled, but I like that this spelling makes me think 'occult') to me that most present day religions are just slight modifications of their predecessors. It seems a lot of religion that's left on the planet are just mutated forms of dying out prior religions, refitted for the new zeitgeist (couldn't help myself). So the first chunk really played on what I was feeling at the time. In all fairness, I was rather jaded from running across some other video talking about tax evasion because "there's no law saying you have to pay taxes" and learning this was a 20 year old sham.

Conspiracy!

XIbalba2012 — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:11:22 -0700

doc livingston: I'm not promoting Colombine type activity. I should have worded it differently. Reading your analysis, leads me to believe I made some mistakes as far as semantics are concerned, nothing more. Consider the credo "everyone is different" so how can "normal" exist? On the other hand the credo also says "everyone is different, yet we are all the same...and that is what is normal." THanks for not mouthing off at me like a lunatic, though, and congradulations for giving me a bit more to think about.

Conspiracy!

XIbalba2012 — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:21:03 -0700

And while I agree that killing is evil, I don't think it's exclusively "abnormal." It's Normal for all social animals to fight and kill each other( again, I am NOT advocating violence), but look at the animal kingdom below the human race. Male chimpanzees tend to kill the children of mother chimpanzees. WHy? Because a nursing mother cannot go into heat. This happens all across the animal kingdom (And, yes, humans are part of that animal kingdom and they Regularly kill each other, every day). I chose the Chimp analogy, as they are the most genetically similar to human beings. This brings me to the semantic misunderstanding...humans and other animals kill each other Regularly... Regularity should not be confused with normalcy. I don't think the Colombine kids, or that Virginia Tech loony are anything close to "normal." At the same time I don't think there is a single world leader who is normal, either, semantics notwithstanding. They are sick people, who like you said, have no empathy for their fellow human beings.
Now, before we go any further, you are right, we are getting off topic, and should stop right now.

Conspiracy!

tedcroland — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:42:27 -0700

Consider the credo "everyone is different"

The thing about everyone being magical and unique snowflakes is that snowflakes only really look different when examined closely. In a crowd, even they tend to look the same. Normal behavior is average non destructive behavior. It can be seen through society, and there's a reason these norms exist. Chaos tends to hurt people.

I watched Zeitgeist a few months ago, and was dismayed when they went from condemnation of religion to 9/11 conspiracies, then on to World Bank theory and the people that "really control the world". They also ignore some simple facts in the first part of the video. What I remember specifically is the statement that there is no historical record of a man named Christ existing in the Mediterranean area in the time he was supposed to be alive. That's true, in that no one refers to a man named Christ--but Christ 1) isn't a name, it's a title (anointed one, or somewhere thereabouts) and 2) There are many, many reports of a leader of men who was the son of a woman named Mary (referred to as 'The Son of Mary'). The likelihood of it ever being proven one way or another is low--the organized church has been around for so long that there are bound to be conflicting or falsifiable claims of proof.

Mostly, things like Zeitgeist make just enough assumptions to convince themselves and seem really well thought out, but there's a lot of logical fallacies that go on in that movie that make the argument weaker because the writer didn't feel like reasoning them out properly. The film resorts to a lot of logic circles a lot more gross inaccuracies to make it's point, but is told with such fervor that it seems all well reasoned.

But I guess that's no unusual.

Conspiracy!

WiseEyes — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:49:53 -0700

@tedcroland - yeah. I'm inclined to agree with you. I didn't do much follow up research on the film other than talking to my brother about it who had shown it to me and done more looking into it. The Real ID thing still kind of freaks me out, but I really don't understand why a one world organization is so threatening. Isn't that the kind of peaceful co-existence we've been looking for on this planet? It reminds me of when I used to get freaked out about it because it was a sign of the end times in the Bible. But I've long left those days in the past with my religion, so what reason is there to fear it now? I mean, what is so terribly awful about more efficient trade? The only thing really creeps me out with Real ID and the passports are the bloody RF transmitters. Who the fuck packs an RF transmitter beaming your personal information to the bloody world? That's the kind of stuff I really don't like because of right to privacy.

Conspiracy!

tedcroland — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:50:49 -0700

chose the Chimp analogy, as they are the most genetically similar to human beings.

Last time I checked, I don't live in a fucking tree (though if it was Swiss Family Robinson's tree house I totally would).

I'm going to stop there...trying very, very hard not to just be argumentative...very, very hard...

Conspiracy!

tedcroland — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 19:01:09 -0700

Isn't that the kind of peaceful co-existence we've been looking for on this planet?

A friend of mine put it to me pretty concisely the other day:

He basically said that each stage of government that has advanced has made things better. Independent states, democracy, it's all loosened up trade and made the quality of life better. Made it easier for manufacturing of new technology. Life gets better with advancement in government...I see a correlation. I'm afraid of ONE PERSON controlling the world, but what possible reason would these people have at making the quality of life worse when they get to the point that they control the world? Presuming there really is a group of people that want to get there. It seems like there's more profit to be made keeping people at odds anyway...

Conspiracy!

Ariana — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 19:04:33 -0700

Eh, was getting boring anyway. But next time we start a thread asking for crazy theories, let's try not to act surprised when we get... crazy theories.