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    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008
    Haven't been here for a while so just thought I'd put a couple of things down on here. Firstly the bad:

    About two hours ago, I just found out that an old girlfriend commited suicide. I was told this in a message thru facebook. She killed herself two years ago and I just found out tonight.

    This is how well i have managed in putting a barrier between the me of now and the me of six years ago.

    I was simply asking someone who located me thru FB if they still spoke to anyone from our old place of employment and in reply he said he still spoke to a couple of people and by the way did you know that this particular woman was dead? Since he was the person who pretty much got us together, it was pretty odd.

    The relationship wasn't that long, but fun whilst it lasted, but we drifted apart really quickly (so quickly I moved to London and forgot to call her and let her know. I finally did, five months later). She was, in all truth, a fat goth. She was pretty dirty (in the right ways, and she managed to shock me a few times with how... sexual she was for a fat lass), and enjoyed dropping e's with me, so it was cool...

    I hope this doesn't bum out anyones evening, but I'm now drinking peach scnapps which was her favourite drink as i think about her.

    Now the GOOD part: like I said, I haven't been on Whitechapel for a while because I've been trying to kick my Ketamine habit. I've mentioned this a couple of times on here, how even after becoming a dad and giving up nearly everything, I was still doing a gram of K a fortnight, and was hiding it from my wife.

    So, about six weeks ago we had a massive row about being skint and I went on a whisky/K bender and generally fucked everything up for a few days, then came clean to my wife and dad. My dad paid for me, my wife and my best friend to go to a cottage for a week (without the two year old) whilst my wife and best friend laid out the ultimatum of 'Sort it out, you fuck up, or you lose your wife and daughter' I promised to try and now its six weeks and the utter FEAR of losing the two people I love the most means I've not snorted a bump or line since.

    I know its hardly Trainspotting or Requiem for a Dream, but every called me earlier today and told me how proud they are (friends mainly, I've kept this from my in-laws and my mum, brother and sister).

    So the high I got from everyone being proud I'm not a complete fuck up, was made weird by the finding out my ex committed suicide.

    Anyway... Hope I've not brought anyone down, but thought you might like to know, Warren, since I was even mentioning Ketamine on The Engine, and everyone here, beacuse I like to think we're big weird family...
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008
    Hah! I knew there was a reason people used to avoid me in dimly lit streets!
    • CommentAuthorBro
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008
    About two hours ago, I just found out that an old girlfriend committed suicide. I was told this in a message thru facebook. She killed herself two years ago and I just found out tonight.

    Sorry to hear that.

    Good job with your progress so far; keep going with the sobriety.
  1.  (3394.44)
    @ babymole -

    Having to face this kind of grim reality with certain sobrieties so fresh and wobbly is harsh to be sure... but being able to pull through this is only making you stronger and more resiliant in the long run. You deserve to feel the high from others' pride even more at this moment.
  2.  (3394.45)
    My girlfriend broke up with me after almost six years. It's been a month since the actual breaking up happened and I'm still not ok talking about it, but it's time. We had a great, beautiful relationship (really, we did), but it's over. It's a shame all right, but I'm dealing with it the best I can. The fact that I can't drink no more is making all this process much more difficult.

    On a lighter note, I'm working like crazy. Never had this much work in years. And it's been heaven to be able to sink in and just let all the other shit that's pissing me off outside of the work room. In here it's just me, my tablet, my computer and Mr. Ellis.

    Yes, in that way.
  3.  (3394.46)
    Paychecks didn't arrive as scheduled, for the second time in a row. Clearly an untenable situation.

    A day that starts off with walking in the Southern California sunshine for an hour listening solely to Warren Zevon and James McMurtry can only go one of a few ways.
  4.  (3394.47)
    I've just been broken up with over horny emails with a couple of my women friend.

    I know I'm in the wrong but is it cheating?
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008 edited
    Hey, Warren.

    I'm pissed at one of my parent's inability to deal with some very serious health problems. I'm pissed that the other parent isn't emotionally strong enough to provide support. I'm pissed that they keep telling me to not worry about it, like I'm still 10 years old, and I'm pissed that neither of my siblings have any compassion or can stop being petty enough to join me in trying to talk some sense into them, but one of them is more than happy to call me occasionally to just freak out about it all.

    I want to stop talking to all of them. But I have all the compassion that the rest of the family lacks, apparently.

    And everyone else wants some piece of me, a book cover, a website, a class, some other thing that I wouldn't mind doing if they'd all stop asking all at once.

    The rest is promotions, paint, getting a blog moving and another website off the ground

    And the kittens are coming along wonderfully.
    Rosie & Rudie
    • CommentAuthorepalicki
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008

    For the past few months I've been pursuing a girl. The problem is that this girl lives with her boyfriend. She's confessed to me that she's not in love with him -- doesn't think she ever was -- and refers to him with some regularity as "idiot" or "jealous nutcase." I think I'm correct in assuming that her relationship is unhealthy.

    Also, I think I'm correct in assuming that pursuing this girl is unhealthy, although this is unlikely to stop me.

    I'm one for playing long odds, me.

    Today, I discovered that the place where I've been living -- the empty condo belonging to my grandmother's estate -- has sold, meaning that I'll be homeless at the end of September.

    I need to find my way into the eye of the shitstorm long enough to reassess and figure out what the fuck I'm doing. This should probably be seen as an opportunity to cut ties with unhealthy-and-attached girl and move to Chicago. Speaking of, here I am on a visit there last weekend. Oprah lives in the building behind me:

    Me in chicago - August 08
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008
    @ RachaelNoel

    Ta. Your words are greatly recieved. Also, I just looked at your website and your photo's are rockin'.

    It also took me three attempts to spell 'recieved' and I'm still not sure if i spelt it correctly.
    • CommentAuthorJShilpetski
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008 edited

    You didn't. "Received."

    My roommate is a punk-poser-douche who has the most annoying almost-lisp I've ever heard. His friend has the highest voice (apart from castratos and pre-pubescent boys) I've heard in a male. The girl he brings over once in a while has a triangular mouth. These people come and go at all hours of the night, stealing my water and making just enough noise to wake me up but not enough for me to be awake enough to say anything other than "Brbbllgggrrhhhaaaagh." Also, I have no friends. I'm thinking about a therapist, but I don't think a negative income can support that. This is my life.

    On a lighter note, just had a VMP. Always heavenly.
    • CommentAuthoralice
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008
    Damn you get whiney whingey types here.
    Yes the world is shit. For the most part, this is as I still don't have my jet pack. But, if you think things are unbearable as you have no friends, maybe wash more.
    Or, perhaps you could invent some. OK, I'll be your friend. As long as I don;t have to actually meet you, or offer too much in the way of communication, then come one and all, let's have a little dance shall we?
    My plan is already in motion. The room is certainly spinning in any case.
    Ah, chocolate internet jesus, -where would we be without your benevolent ways?
  5.  (3394.53)
    Just got done playing a thrilling game of "What the Hell Did I Just Step In?", while walking in my apartment. Prime suspect for providing mystery substance is the tiny canine currently lurking about, but other humans residing in this corner of the world are under suspicion as well.

    The fact that I was barefoot during this game means that the guilty parties will suffer penalties swifter and more devastating then normal. Speak to me not of the Geneva Convention. It has no jurisdiction in these issues.

    Currently enjoying digital cable and internet, the former of which lets me fast forward through the truck ads and boner pill commercials, and get right to the parts where Batman punches ninjas in the face. The latter is giving me sports scores, girlie pictures and music from countries I don't live in. Hooray for the future. The only thing we needed to bring it about was hiding aliens that crashed in New Mexico and taking their stuff. Now stop putting logos on the bottom of my god damn TV shows. I'm not going to watch Primeval.

    Been drinking whiskey exclusively when the time is right. For health. It makes sense when you think about it. Whitechapel should issue "Live Strong" bracelets, but in black that say "A Drink Must Be Forthcoming".

    Saw three fights last night on Clark Street. It's been a banner week for crooks and lunatics. Some form of bad juju descended upon this city. The plan is to learn a particularly vicious form of Brazilian jiu jitsu to amplify the natural fighting instincts. I'll be catching bullets and bending limbs in no time. You watch.
      CommentAuthorScott B
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008
    Venturing out on first social occasion tomorrow since being diagnosed bipolar 18 months ago. Will be amongst non-bastard freiends but I'm still starting to feel the fear.

    Watching the pod people from the window and brushing hurridly past them in the supermarket is one thing, but standing shoulder to shoulder in a public drinking house is quite another. It really could be something great, or the last viscious storm of the summer. Going to grit the teeth and trust in the chemicals.

    Such a sweaty limbo evening, feels like I'm am airport lounge or waiting for test results.

  6.  (3394.55)
    Spent the last week thinking about nothing but zombies.
    Had the chance to get a gig with a zombie story. Came up with one, half way through thought of another, same thing happened all week and now I've got 4 new ideas begging to be turned into full stories that I'm trying to ignore as I've already sent off five in six days.

    Plus, my brother gave me his bastard cold and due to having ME, my immune system is a piece of shit and I'll get to spend a good 24 hours curled up in a duvet feeling like shit and swearing at anyone who tries to make me leave my pit of pestilence and darkness. No doubt I will grab a Tesco bag and proceed to fill it with snot covered tissues before declaring it the latest Plague Bag and carrying it everywhere with me for the next three days.
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008
    Why does fruit-flavored gum exist?

    And why do they insist on putting such misbegotten creations right next to the mint gum?

    And why can I never recognize my horrible mistake till I am sitting at my computer, chewing nuclear-green watermelon horror instead of sublime spearmint?

    I'll try to work on the quality of my complaints for next week.*

    *(Though I am having trouble concentrating after you swore revenge for my kawaii Warren Ellis sketch. But it's such fearful excitement that makes life worth living sometimes. I think.)
      CommentAuthorScott B
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008
    I did, however, see The Machine Girl today and thought it great.

    'Do you like my drill bra?'
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008
    Tell me what and who is pissing you off this week. People who are only tough over the telephone. Sure, you can curse me out all you want with distance between us. Do it to my face, then we'll see what happens.
    Explain to me why the world is shit. Because these people hang up the phone, and go about their day thinking the are the SHIT, and no one is around to punch them in the throat and tell them the truth.
    Tell me what's in your head. Trying to work out how to deliver bowel-liquefying electric shocks through the phone.
    Here's me a couple minutes ago-
    • CommentAuthorchris g
    • CommentTimeAug 23rd 2008
    i missed out on last weeks open mic because a fucking cop stopped me. He said i ran a stop sign. I slowed down for it enough, but not a COMPLETE stop.
    Dark, quiet street and suddenly I get a blast of flashy lights. What a mother fucker, those shitheads need to get their priorities straight.

    Anyway, my mom has been away in mexico all week because grandma was feeling sick, plus she's getting up there and my mom is the only one of her family who's living in the U.S. and bla bla bla. Mom says gramma is better now, mom says she's coming back maybe sunday.
    In all that time well I worked through the whole week to keep the money coming in. And playing my music loud at night because fuck the neighbors, we pay the most rent. eat me, eat me, EAT ME!!

    This shithead I work with in sales thought he could boss me around but as soon as I showed him I don't take shit he backs off and talks LOW like a scared shit. me 23, him like 36 or something. Should give you an idea how pathetic he is.

    My double life has arisen yet again: work all day, get home and turn into the one-man comic squad. Currently lettering my next thing. Been a while since I lettered my comics, so it is long and arduous but rewarding as FUCK. I get tingly and can't wait to share it with people. Don't want a movie or any of that shit, I'm unhinged and all I care about is giving people something new.

    Been wearing jeans again, but sometimes when I sit they hug my nuts. I shaved them this morning, problem solved!

    break time
  7.  (3394.60)
    I'm not pissed off for once, despite how shit things tend to be. Why? because the Edinburgh Fringe Fucking Festival is over in 2 days time. That means this time on monday night, I'll be all done, no more shows to watch, no more reviews to write, nothing. I can finally sit down and watch mindless shite on tv for a few minutes and not feel guiltily that I have something I ought to be doing.
    I've seen 54 shows, this year. Not bad since I had 70 odd to see, a few were cancelled a few were arsey about giving out press tickets and the last couple I can't be bothered seeing. I still have 8 reviews to write, and all day tommorrow to do it.

    My other source of constant pain, the X is as usual being a psychotic attention-whore. But that isn't bothering me because frankly, I just couldn't give a toss because I'm used to her shenanigans and it's beneath me.

    What has been interesting me recently was the time-eating xbox game Braid. Think Super Mario but with time-fuckabootery and a thinly veiled subtext for spousal abuse and the atom bomb.

    So for now, I'm drinking a 3 litre bottle of red wine on my own and I'm feeling Breezy. (yes I feel bad about this visual pun)