Whitechapel - The unbearable urge to feed pigeons alka seltzer

The unbearable urge to feed pigeons alka seltzer

Monk.Eastman — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 10:22:51 -0800

When I was a boy, we'd feed pigeons alka seltzer.

They're flying rats, we'd say. Endless flying hordes of disgusting, shit-bombing, winged rats.

We'd wrap little alka seltzer tabs in bread, and feed it to them on fire escapes, the street, in front of school.

They'd eat the bread and alka seltzer.

Fly off.

And explode, as the alka seltzer expanded in their stomachs.

I haven't done it in years, because in retrospect, it's sort of a grossly deviant act. Also, my wife would beat me.

But as these little fuckers congregate outside my bedroom window, pecking and trilling, I have the unyielding Goddam urge to do it again.

The unbearable urge to feed pigeons alka seltzer

Joe Paoli — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 13:12:38 -0800

Did you actually witness the birds blowing up? Because snopes says that it's a myth.

@ snopes.com
Let's quit worrying about the birds. They'll be fine. Seagulls don't explode when they eat Alka-Seltzer; pigeons don't explode when they eat rice.

The unbearable urge to feed pigeons alka seltzer

Monk.Eastman — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 14:05:42 -0800

Christ Jesus on a rope, I don't even remember typing this when I woke up...

Uhm.

So yeah, Joe Paoli: I did not see every one, and they did not actually go >poof< explode, but I have seen pigeons die from alka seltzer. It literally overloads their insides. Something inside goes 'pop', because I've seen them try and fly off, but instead crash and die foaming from the beak. It's actually pretty gross. But I cannot account for every single one, no, so...

I wish there was a delete function.

I'm kind of a terrible person.

Fucking things wouldn't shut up tho.

:(