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  1.  (4536.1)
    Mr. Twist

    INVISIBLE, INC. is the story of a reporter who discovers why supervillains don't try to take over the world anymore; they did it decades ago.

    It's also where I scream my frustrations with the press, politicans and priests who lead the world astray. Power protects power, violence vindicates violence, and money makes money. This is not the world we should have.

    After much tinkering, you can read the final version free online till tomorrow morning. After that, it gets serialized on my website and you won't see the last page for months.

    And all I ask in return is you tell me what you think.
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      CommentAuthorEithin
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2008
     (4536.2)
    That's rather cool, and I want to read the sequels now!
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      CommentAuthorkahavi
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2008
     (4536.3)
    Oh wow, that was rather effective. Great job! If there's a sequel, please let us know.
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      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2008
     (4536.4)
    The story itself is very nice, but I think it could be served much better without quite so many captions. I can tell you've got a lot to say, but to be honest, I found myself skipping over them a lot. Some trimming is definitely in order here.

    Nevertheless, a very cool concept and some really nice artwork! The subtext of Vera and Ultraviolet's past relationship was nicely done, particularly.
  2.  (4536.5)
    This is a weird coincidence, I was looking at Tomas Aira's portfolio work earlier this morning. He's in the same Argentinian comics group as Roberto Viacava, who's drawing Absolution. Aira's very good.

    http://altercomicsaira.blogspot.com/
    • CommentAuthorcjstevens
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2008
     (4536.6)
    Thanks Brendan.

    Haven't got time to read this yet (will save for later) but on first glance I think the art is fantastic, vivid and original style!
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      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2008
     (4536.7)
    Art - very nice, effective, lovely color. I like the angles and the choices, the story moves effectively and the pages are well composed, leading the eye without dragging it along. It had rhythm. Good job.

    The story - very interesting and engaging. Love the title. Love the Yellow Book, the wider implications, the twist at the end of this, I presume, the first chapter. I would DEFINITELY follow up on this and even pay money to read it. Good job.

    Criticisms (and please take this as what I think, which is what you asked for, so buckle up, buttercup) :

    Some of the anatomy was a little wrong somehow. And I'm no expert but computers were used in the making of this and I'm an ink-on-paper old-fashioned curmudgeon type of man. Seems lazy to me to rely on damn mechanicals. Then again, I'm no artist and maybe that's why. Those are my art criticisms and they're mild.

    I'll agree with Artemis that there are too many captions and too many say the same thing. One last edit to eliminate maybe 10% (maybe less!) or combine a few. One last edit and be ruthless. I am a writer myself and I like your writing, a lot and as one with an affinity with the subject matter (conspiracies, super-heroes, good story-telling), you handle it very well. That the dialogue was excellent makes the more purple captions stand out. My writing criticisms are equally mild and both are out-weighed by my praise for this work of yours.

    Good Job, both of you! It's Wanted-meets-Watchmen (not to reduce it to a simplistic blurb but somebody had to say it.)
    • CommentAuthorDC
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2008
     (4536.8)
    Loved it. This is something I would also buy.
    I third the caption thing. There are too many of them and at one point I wasn't paying any attention to them. I talk for myself as a reader, I like captions at the minimum. If I have to split my attention, then it should be on moments where one thing (caption or action) is more important than the other. Right in the beginning it's too much information to take at one with the action, characters, setting, etc. and also the captions.
    Liked that “alien invasion thing last summer”. Is it some hint at Secret Invasion?;)
    You're the writer, you know the characters better then we do but that guy in the beggining, if he's powerfull enough to take those beams like it was nothing, he should be able to survive a fall, right?
  3.  (4536.9)
    I fourth the caption complaint.

    However, otherwise I found it captivating and intriguing. I would love to see more of this and follow where it goes.
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      CommentAuthorLBA
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2008
     (4536.10)
    I really like it

    I enjoyed the twist wrt to the Memory Erasure
    I loved the artwork (computer generated or not, it was very good)

    I would suggest ghosting or making more transparent Rachael TIerney's head in the top left corners of the flashback panels (it was a little distracting)
    as others have mentioned you might want to edit down the captions

    I enjoyed the story a lot, you told a good story which is one of the highest compliments I can pay.
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      CommentAuthorstsparky
    • CommentTimeDec 23rd 2008
     (4536.11)
    Pretty compelling story for one, though the suspected "underground" cape who asked to bring her friend to "the light" had a near unreadable font.
  4.  (4536.12)
    Well this is going better than I'd hoped. I fifth the caption complaint, and that's what all these edits have been for: boiling and boiling the meaning and foreshadowing down while trying to keep the story at hand on top. It still comes off as in love with its own voice. A little more to go, is the consensus. Thank you, all.

    @VirtuaSamurai -- Yeah, Tomas is fantastic, and the PDFs don't really show it, crunched as they are. His blog gives better views of the art, but he shines brightest at the end there. I don't know if you notice, but we decided he'd paint most of the book to contrast Rachel's very shiny, 4-color anecdote. Then, when her world imposes itself on Vera's at the end, the art changes into a hybrid of both...painting within the ink lines. That's Tomas at his best, in my opinion

    @DC - The funny thing is, I wrote that like...gosh, four or five years ago, nodding to the big summer crossovers that were making a comeback. It's just the timing, is all. In the script to issue #4 the invasion gets mentioned again as a pretty benevolent one because there are these race/colonization themes, which I hear is going on in Secret Invasion? Ehh. Ideaspace giveth and taketh away; what can you do?

    As for the giveth: it was a Krill invasion, and much as I love the hybridization of the Kree/Skrull names, that's actual conspiracy lore for the Yellow Book.

    Tumor, the guy who got splatted, isn't invulnerable. Dr. Radium's blasts reverse Tumor's possession of another body, so he was trying to protect Ulti-Might and accidentally blasted the poor dweeb out of his hands. It's all kind of inessential to this chapter, but we get into it deep in the next issue (as seen on Tomas' blog).

    Thanks again for all the honesty.
  5.  (4536.13)
    @ stsparky -- I know. Again: PDF, booooo.

    It's a little more legible on paper/JPG, and in addition to being a good representation of his voice, it's actually a big clue as to who he is, so bear with me and I'll try to make it worth your while.
    • CommentAuthorLA_Gomez
    • CommentTimeDec 24th 2008
     (4536.14)
    I was drawn in by the artwork(no pun intended) but I stayed for the story. I thought it was good.
    I look forward to seeing more.

    I wish you the best and Good Luck.
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      CommentAuthormuse hick
    • CommentTimeDec 24th 2008
     (4536.15)
    i posted a review on my site

    as you said it was only up for one day do you have a link for where you are serialising it and i'll put that up on my site?
  6.  (4536.16)
    Gosh, that's...wow. Thank you.

    The plan, unless any publisher wants to make me wrong, is trickle it out a few panels a day or week on www.indeliblecomics.com. I hope to wrestle Adobe Flash into submission by New Year's. I'm not terrifically computer savvy, as the website demonstrates. I can't even get an RSS for the sidebar going.

    Once the first is published and has built up an audience, we'll see about printing, either all six floppies, or run the first five issues run online, then drop the sixth exclusively into a TPB. That's a fair deal for everyone, I figure.
  7.  (4536.17)
    Well, what the heck. New version here with some trims and tweaks.

    I spent all evening editing the darn thing instead of recuperating, it might as well fly. I'll keep it up till the Flash version is live.
    • CommentAuthorjohnmuth
    • CommentTimeDec 27th 2008
     (4536.18)
    Okay, I didn't get to read the version you originally posted, but just finished with the link you posted tonight...

    I like it, a lot. My biggest issue - and complaint is with most of the lettering, in general. But, specifically with the caption text. The boxes are too close to the words, the placement lines up strangely in quite a few places - on the first page, there are a couple of strange tangents that the captions make with the framed article about the "Victory's Four Killed". I think that the font used could also be changed to something a little more, well, caption-ish, and not so dialogue like. Sort of like a typewriter font, or a less scripty/handwritten look. I would also say, that maybe it would help if the captions came more together - more than one sentence per box - and that way the text could be contained on the page, to a more manageable size as opposed to the little boxes all over a page.

    I think that tweaking that would help make the text more readable, even if the prose itself is kind of superfluous and "purplish" as someone said above.

    But, a good start. Very intriguing and I'd be very eager to follow this story further. :)
  8.  (4536.19)
    Well this seemed to work pretty well the last time, so here's the deal:

    I'll be adding a page a week from a new comic, Heist.

    Crime pays


    The first complete scene is up now. By me, Andres Ponce, Rocio Zucchi and Josh Elder. It updates every Tuesday at www.indeliblecomics.com.

    Invisible, Inc. is now in pretty flash, and I'll be leaving issue #1 up in full, updating from issue #2, also once a week.

    Crime pays
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      CommentAuthorrickiep00h
    • CommentTimeJan 14th 2009
     (4536.20)
    Not sure if the logos and trademarks and stuff (especially in the final panel) are kosher.

    I will say that it seems a little stilted at times, trying to get out a ton of exposition done at once. But other than that, I'm digging it.