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  1.  (4956.1)
    Wedding Videos
    -Wedding Videos, are really not worth it most of the time. I edited them for a year or so and in that time I encountered very few people who were ever truly happier for having one.

    -The camera man is trying his best but the situation is rather no win. If he is too direct he runs the risk of angering guests and homicidal brides, if he is too timid he will miss things the bride finds important. Do yourself a favor, if you absolutely must have a wedding video go single camera, ceremony only and pick out a spot in the church that’s out of the way and has a nice view of the alter. You’re only likely to ever rewatch the vows and the bride entering anyway.

    -Please tip your videographer if you have one. Just because you over paid his boss does not mean he’s even making a living wage, and the majority of his assignments will stiff him completely in favor of giving the band and the photographer more.

    Tech Support at a University
    -Professors in fields that use lots of computers don’t necessarily know how to use computers.

    -If your professor brings in tech support to give a lecture, they know nothing about the topic the lecture is on, but they will try to grade you on it anyway.

    -Economics professors with computers are like kittens with string. They know they want it but they have no idea what to do when the get it.

    -If we tell you a building does not have wireless, it does not have wireless. We also can’t add it just because you ask, someone in purchasing needs to authorize new equipment, and the sys admin needs to make a proposal, and all sorts of other bureaucracy.

    -When I tell you I can’t copy a copy protected DVD or VHS or CD, I really mean I will not do it because I like having a pay check. I most certainly have the technical skill and machinery to do it, but I will likely be fired.

    -If your professor assigns a PowerPoint presentation they most likely don’t know how that works.

    -If I’m speaking softly slowly and softly it’s because I’m trying to explain something that I think you have no hope of learning except for by rote.

    -Projector bulbs do burn out even when we keep careful watch on things. Have a plan B ready at all times, because no one wins when you try and get me to change the bulb using a ladder in the middle of your class.

    Comic Store
    -Telling me that you went to the local Toys R Us, bought all the chase figures and now want to sell them to me just tells me you are a prick.

    -We don’t want your death of superman/death of cap/any over hyped collector book.

    -Unless you see an advert saying we’re buying, we are most likely not, yelling at the stock room monkey does not make us want to buy it.

    -No I didn’t know heroclix was going to collapse right after the last set was released, as evidenced by the ones sitting at my house.

    -If I tell you we don’t sell/special order stuff out of previews adult supplement I really do mean it.

    -Yes I can get into some cons at a discount. That is my reward for working several days a week almost for free.

    -I do have quite a bit of self-control, Women don’t get everything they want for free. Especially when it isn’t mine to give.

    -When I say a toy is not good for your kid because it is very fragile, and you buy it over my objection I note it in the computer, and let the owner deal with it if you return.
    • CommentAuthorradian
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2009
    Overheard at a local council meeting on 'cutting costs' and 'the environment':

  2.  (4956.3)
    My girl is a Governess. Not a female governor (oh, I shall be slapped for that) but a certified professional Nanny with a college degree. She passes along this wisdom.

    *Nannies are not babysitters. Nannies are paid to encourage your child's development, education and socialization. Babysitters are paid to make sure you child does not die or suffer grievous bodily harm while you are out.

    *The worst caretakers at the playgrounds, the ones who let their kids run crazy, those are usually the moms.

    *Dads are often scared of you. Sometimes it's because you seem to know their kid better than they do. Sometimes it's fear of being ganged up on by you and the wife. Not in a porno way.

    *The "Isawyournanny" sites are deeply racist. Look at how they describe women of color. Do you trust an anonymous bigot, or your child care provider?

    *I assume there is a nanny cam. I wish people would just tell me rather than sneak it in. I don't mind you checking in on your child, that's great. Just the notion of someone watching me pick my nose or a camera in the bathroom is CREEPY.

    *Children fall down, get bruised, black their eyes, get cuts, cry, get sick, poop all kinds of colors and most of the time they are perfectly fine.

    *If a child calls you mommy and the parents hear it, you're gone. It's unfair but still.

    *Jogging strollers are for Bougie people. WALK YOUR BABY. Same with bike strollers.

    *Please let kids eat some sweets. Parents with lists of dietary restrictions are in for a nasty shock when kid goes to college and blows the first guy to give her a Dr. Pepper.
  3.  (4956.4)
    God, I'm learning so much, and I had a terrible day at work, so here we go...

    Small-town journalist:

    - That smile on my face while I'm covering your event? Fake. Clearly. That you can even begin to think that I care about what you care about is ridiculous. I'm getting paid (and not very much) to be there, not to enjoy myself.

    - Want some coverage? Ask, don't demand. I've got a quota of pictures and stories to meet each week, and if you're nice to me, you'll make the cut. If you're a dick, sorry to hear about your luck.

    - On the off chance that you're a dick and I still show up to cover your event, that means you just became my personal playtoy and victim of mockery. I have decided to make your life hell. Get comfy.

    - Don't get pissed about what goes in the paper, and don't pretend you didn't do whatever it is you did that's getting you ridiculed on the street. I'm not getting paid enough to make shit up, and I don't have the time to devote to lengthy creative fictions if I'm not getting paid for it.

    - Don't fucking challenge me. I do not care that you think that your position as an elected official holds some merit beyond the walls of your own home, and it certainly will not protect you from the damage I can do to you. Making yourself a target by mocking me or complaining about what I wrote will only cause me to research you thoroughly and find something you don't want people to know about.

    - There is great truth in the saying that you do not mess with a man who buys ink by the barrel. That goes double for the person who is using someone else's ink. It pays to be nice to me.

    - Don't ask me to join your organization. I'm working, and I will forever equate your organization with more work, because you will never treat me like a member of your organization, you will only treat me like your personal PR machine.

    - Offer me something to drink or a snack. I will likely refuse, but it's polite of you to ask. I will appreciate it, and will color the tone of my article more favorably in your direction. Ditto for asking me out for a drink after your event/meeting/whatever.

    - Not everything you say to me outside of work is going to end up in the newspaper. Really.

    - Don't keep saying "Off the record." Yes, I know you heard it in a movie and you think it sounds cool, but let's be real here. If I'm not holding a notebook, I don't give a shit.

    - You have the same event every year? You offer a scholarship, run a bake sale, whatever? Awesome. That means that, after I write the first story, I never have to again. I just go dig up the old files, copy the text, change the dates, and send it to print.

    - The worst thing to say in the world is, "I read in the paper that..." No matter what follows this introduction, it is bad, because a) you're referring to another paper (my competition), and telling me that you read that paper rather than the one I write for, b) you've read it in my paper, but I didn't write it, and thus have no direct knowledge of it, or c) you will say something in direct relation to something I have written, but have missed the point of what I have written entirely, you stupid inbred hick. All of this annoys me greatly, and I am not the person you want to annoy (see previous statements).

    - Yes, asking me to write something myself, rather than handing me a press release, is much better in the long run. That's just another story for the quota.
  4.  (4956.5)
    ~ Be nice to the soundman. Turn up on time for the soundcheck. Say hello, say please, say thank you. The soundguy probably does more work for the venue than you do, knows the staff and the organisers better than you, and he has a long memory.

    Speaking on behalf of soundmen everywhere - YES! Also ... don't be that guy who in the middle of your set decides to say, over the mic, "can I get a bit more _______ in the monitor please?" We all now know that you're a hack who thinks he's better than he really is. Communicate your monitor needs during sound check, or subtly during the set with some hand gestures. Otherwise, you're just a prick.

    I'll second that this is an awesome thread.
    • CommentAuthorKosmopolit
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2009
    Letter box drops:

    1. The manager knows which clients actually got out and check to see if their leaflets are being distributed. They will tell the staff.

    2. If the client is NOT checking distribution, you do the major streets in your distribution area and dump the rest in the rubbish.
    • CommentAuthorchris g
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2009 edited
    Retail/delivering: If your fucking order says "After 3pm" and you're calling about it at 5:30 that's because you fucking put "After 3pm" on the invoice, ya crybaby. And the guys have lots of deliveries and are probably backed up...OR they could just be circling around to clock in more hours ^_^
    • CommentAuthorheresybob
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2009 edited
    Sex Worker

    Clients (male and female)
    - If you're afraid of being caught, just don't do it. Acting like a paranoid prick is boring.
    - Be honest and get a price.
    - If you are asked if you're a cop, you're acting like a cop or a jerk. Relax.
    - Smile, enjoy yourself, and don't fucking do it in an alley - that shit's the grossest.
    - If you're fooled by picking up a guy rather than a woman - don't freak out and don't beat them - Sex working Trans lives have it rough enough.
    - No, I don't want to do blow. Or meth. No, I can't find any for you either - I'm a sex worker, not a junkie or your dealer. Frankly, I want that money in MY pocket.
    - If it was $200 bucks the last time, and $200 bucks the time before that, and I raise the price, don't haggle. Don't whine. Either agree or disagree.
    - Don't pay me in jewelry, or watches, or "round trip tickets". It's cash, you fuck.

    Transgen/vestite workers
    - Don't pick up homophobic johns. It's the best way to get killed or beaten.
    - If you're meeting a new guy, go with someone who can recognize the john's face if something goes wrong. I don't like to see my girl-boys face down in alleys or with black eyes.

    Male Escorts:
    - Be honest and set a price. Don't throw attitude when the john doesn't pay. Don't steal when the john doesn't pay.
    - Keep a file on your regulars. Manage them like you do any clients so they don't fall in love with you.
    - If they fall in love with you, break it off. The L word is fucking evil and guaranteed, will lead you to jail somehow, someway.
    - Don't be a prick. Women already see enough douchebags - they're usually looking for good eye candy, a romantic dance and MAYBE something more.
    - If you get a sugarmommy, don't date other women in front of her. For many reasons, but most importantly, it really hurts their feelings.
    - If you move in with the sugarmommy, don't party on their turf. You're a kept boy. In fact, don't move in unless it's a REALLY good deal.
    - If your sugarmommy wants you to have sex with other men, if you're into it, do it. If not, don't be a homophobic jackass - just tell her, "I'm not into it."
    - If your sugarmommy tells you "You're gone," and you can't sweet talk her in 10 minutes. Just go. And don't ever return unless you get a sincere, sober apology first.
    - And believe it or not, don't let sugarmommies beat you. It's no different when the guys do it to women.

    Women clientele
    - If your escort/boytoy isn't putting out, it's probably because you're fucking disgusting. Take a shower, clean yourself up - more than likely, you're wanting a more romantic mood, so indulge.
    - Negotiate for the kinky stuff up front. If you want me to say "Hurry up, Mommy, Daddy's in the Driveway!" you better tell me WELL in advance.
    - If you're lactating, tell me first. I'm down with it, but it's a little shocking once it starts.

    - Sure I'll be your third man to help out your client's fantasy, but tell me what you want up front. Expecting me to strip for the client while he's pretending he's donald duck is going to make me crack up and ruin his fantasy. And if that's his fantasy, you're not paying me enough.

    - Don't fuck cops. If you're unsure, ask the question, "Are you a police officer or are you working with the police?" Until it's legal, you need to be safe and enjoy yourself.

    And no, I will not bareback you without a condom. Grow the fuck up, already.

    Wow. I haven't thought about this shit for years.
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2009 edited
    Martial arts.

    Learning a martial art will not make you Bruce Lee. Taking a few classes does not mean you can go out and beat up Hulk Hogan when he knocks your beer over.

    Just because your instructor is wearing a black belt, does not mean he has actually achieved that grade. Some clubs appoint novices to teach classes, especially beginner classes.

    Practice in your own time if you ever want to make it as a serious martial artist. You can learn all the strikes, blocks and holds in the world, but they won't help you if you haven't trained them into your muscle memory.

    If I find that you have been going out picking fights or bullying people, you are GONE from my class.

    ALWAYS research any martial arts club before joining. Make sure they have personal injury insurance. Find out their policy on instructor qualifications. Look up the club's history and affiliations, and check their reputation.

    Any club that promises to make you a black belt in six months to two years, is a joke. Take your money elsewhere.

    Be suspicious of any club which is constantly pressuring you to buy stuff from them; uniforms, belts, mitts and pads etc can all be bought at martial arts supply stores. If the club insists you buy supplies exclusively sold by them, they have a franchise and are just trying to rip you off. Take your money elsewhere.

    No, I will not come and beat up that big kid who has been picking on you at school.

    No, I will not grade your kid to orange belt when he hasn't achieved the necessary standard.
    • CommentAuthorCarlGlover
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2009
    From working at the airport:

    Be careful what you pack. When I worked at LAX some TSA employees and baggage handlers were fired for stealing electronics equipment from travelers' luggage. The TSA security officers at the x-ray machines were looking in bags for anything expensive and calling the guys loading the planes by cellphone and letting them know which bags to open. I also had a coworker who had a collection of women's underwear in his locker. Now you can keep that in mind anytime you come up missing some drawers in your suitcase.
    Oh, and if you've seen people hitching a ride in the landing gear in films or television I can tell you this does not work. I was working when they had to scrape the corpse of someone who tried this out of the wheel well of a British Airways plane. Here's an article on it from the BBC
    • CommentAuthorE0157H7
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2009
    More from the pool.

    - The more affluent someone is, the harder they'll jerk you around. It will take the better amount of a month of get a $150 check from them after they already agreed on the price and had their party.

    - They think that they have good taste in wine because they're Californian suburbanites. They do not. You can funnel absolute swill into them.

    - If you put Smirnoff Ice out, they'll drink it. Smirnoff Ice is expensive as hell. Put cheap beer out instead, preferably in a keg.

    - They will drink enough diet Coke to kill an entire lab full of rodents. The ratio of diet Coke to regular pop should be about 1:1.

    - They will hover. Are you cooking their super-special veggie-burger? Is it done yet? How about now? Get used to a few people standing around the barbecue like cats waiting for their food.

    - Bring your own spatula and box cutter, and do not lend them out. Nobody else has their own and you'll never get them back.
  5.  (4956.12)
    @heresybob bravo. Nicely written.
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2009

    Nice post. Was wondering when we might see one from a sex worker.
    • CommentAuthorheresybob
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2009
    Forgot one:
    - I don't care if you are a woman, you called me, there's a price. Just because you got one of those doesn't mean it's free.

    I gotta do a comic about this.
      CommentAuthorPaul Sizer
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2009
    This thread just blows my mind, and holy Crap, what a great idea/concept generator!
    Plus, it's just great to see the details (hidden or not) associated in other people's careers.
    More. More. More.
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2009
    From the 3D/advertising/film world:

    Understand who you are working for and make sure you take orders from them, if someone else is trying to get you to make changes, no matter who he or she is on the totem pole, get them to talk to the person you are working for before you do any work. Nothing is more annoying and a waste of time to be the ping pong ball between the director and creative producer who refuse to sort it out between one and another and just tell you to make changes. It is hard, especially as a novice, to tell someone higher up 'No', but you have to learn to tell them you can't do things without your direct supervisors orders. In worst case say 'I'm scheduled to do a different thing right now, let me go sort that out with my boss first' and get them to handle it. You are not being paid to handle that shit, most likely.

    It is not your job to critique the artistic disaster that is the taste of the director/creative prod/whatever. He wants shit, give it to him. The way he wants it. Most directors (unless they are really big assholes and utterly incompetent) are okay with good ideas and creative input, but are not looking for it and will ask you for your opinion if they want it.

    Every person in charge in the advertising world wants changes. It doesnt matter how fucking good your work was, they want changes. It is merely so they have the feeling they are doing something and are part of the creative process. Learn to steer them towards small, easy to make changes. Give them openings where they can latch onto thing and make creative decisions that are easy for you to do, rather than run the risk of them wanting something really nasty.

    I have had ad directors doing the stupidest, most inane things, like shifting background objects 3 pixels to the right on HD footage, or repeatedly zooming out and then scaling up objects (the 3D result is the same). This is because they like to be in control. Humour them. make sure you are getting paid for it and it is on their time.

    There is a discrepancy between what is physically correct and what looks right. No digital sunset will look good, regardless of how realistic. Nor any rainbow. Stars, planets, magnifying glasses, fire, explosions.. the list is endless. Make sure you know what they want. They wont want the real thing.

    Every half-assed director thinks he is Roland Emmerich. Roland Emmerich may be shit, but he is capable of directing an entire movie based on a few visual tentpoles. They, however come to you with some harebrained idea about a single shot, often with no fricking clue about the rest of the clip. Those are the shots that matter. Get them exactly the way they want, and they will be happy. Worry about the rest though.. those will be the hardest work.

    Trust the animator. Love your animator if they are good. Cuddle them and feed them and make sure they are happy. Good animators are priceless.

    Expect changes. Make sure the changes are done when they can be done. Make sure there is a clear approval system that cuts off any changes after a certain point. (without them paying) NEVER go back to the animator to get basic changes after the whole scene is animated. They will probably hurt you.

    Anyone that says it is fixable in post deserved to be posted. In the medieval sense of the word.

    Compositors/finishers are almost exclusively divas. They whine, they complain, they expect to be treated like a combination of little newborn and rock star. If they are good, they deserve it. They can single-handedly save your production. They are the origin of the 'fix it in post' mentality, because they can. It also requires a sacrifice to the gods of patience, tolerance and calmness to survive asking them to do it.

    Rendering is not something that can be done "quickly", to see what it looks like. There are situations where this is possible, but give it to them once, and they will expect it always. They do not understand the difference why the scene with one thing can be done quickly and the other can't. The rule is: no on the fly rendering. They can see that in dailies.

    A good previs and storyboard will tell you a lot about the director and how good the film will be. The better the previs and storyboard, the better shape you are in. Fincher's previs can make me cry tears of joy.
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2009 edited
    And just so I can rant:

    I dont care how much money was put into the special effects, if you have shit animation, it looks shit.

    Pixar is pixar and ILM is ILM, and there are a handful of studios in the world that can do that shit. If you want effects like that, give me their budgets, so I can hire the mob of developers they have. Dont expect that shit in a TV ad with a shoestring budget. And dont come running to me with a clip from your favorite hollywood production saying that is what you want unless you are prepared for the price tag.

    Do not talk to my team directly if you are my client. You talk to me. If you want changes, dont try and sneak them past me or my TDs. They will not get done.

    Never throw a wobbly at my team. THey are being paid shit to work long hours and bust their balls to make your fucked up piece of crap reality. If you have a problem, it is with me. The 'Christian Bale' approach will result in you being banned from the floor, and I dont care who you are... we have our ways, and we have done it before. People who live in dark cellars and feed off old pizza and curry can be remarkably efficient in protecting their sanctuaries.

    On the other hand, if you are nice, I can guarantee I will have a group of people who have more artistic capability than you can shake a stick at and they will make your baby as good as is technically possible if you let them. If you are REALLY nice, they might even be willing to tell you how to make it better.

    If you come to us with our favorite book/classic film/comic book and are attempting to turn it into a hollywood pile of shit, we will do it. We also will put your face on dart boards, use it on toilet paper and construct voodoo dolls with which you will be tortured. Your name will become a curseword and you should not be suprised to see your likeness hidden away and undetectable in various bits and pieces of film, being destroyed, or worse, if we can.

    Understand what you want. Ask for it. Tell us. I love directors who know what they want, even if it is a pile of wank. The more detailed and concrete, the better. Don't give me a dreamy wishy washy mashup of clichees and leave me to interpret that into a realistic, achievable goal. I will. You wont like it. You will want it different. It will cost you more.

    The more time you leave me and the more decisions you give me on the front end of the production, the less I will need later. By a factor of 1:2. At least.

    Get a scriptwriter and storyboarder that knows what they are doing. If you don't have one, we can help you find one. It will save you. I dont care how good you think you are at writing or drawing, if you don't have experience in those areas, let someone who does help.

    When the SFX guys tell you something is difficult in 3D, don't give them shit. They are telling you what is expensive and time consuming, they are watching out for your budget. Yes, you can go elsewhere, but they will tell you the same or lie to you. Hair, fur, fluids, crowds, fire and cloth. They are easy to do. They are very difficult to do well. They are expensive to do well. They are time consuming to do well. Bear this in mind. ILM did make those dementors look great, yes... it was cloth simulated backwards underwater... do you have ANY idea how long that takes to get right and how many developers are needed?

    Give me a pantone number. Give me an RGB value. Give me a clip or a magazine with the colour you want on it. Don't sit there for hours telling me you need it more red, no wait, more blue... hmmm go back to a bit more red. I will shoot you. Or make you eat my monitor.

    Finally. If you are the sort of person that wants a lot of input and creative feedback and stuff, great. I will give it to you. You will have your own room with a special TD whose job it is to sit down with you and go through everything. Whenever you want. If you think you are going to be looking over my teams shoulders.... heheh.
  6.  (4956.18)
    The 'Christian Bale' approach will result in you being banned from the floor, and I dont care who you are... we have our ways, and we have done it before. People who live in dark cellars and feed off old pizza and curry can be remarkably efficient in protecting their sanctuaries.

    This is so true. I've done some commercial work and a good number of friends are in film/production. When I heard that prat screaming like a fucking infant I saw the future headline "Christian Bale Killed by Falling Light"
    • CommentAuthorKosmopolit
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2009
    More political stuff:

    1. Most legislation is written by staffers and or public servants. Those guys in Parliament/Congress yo usee on TV passionately denouncing/supporting a bill? Most likely they haven't even read it. Sometimes their staff has read it and told them the relevant bits. Some times their party bosses have just handed them a bunch of notes. Fro that matter, some politicians can't read (seriously).

    2. Legislation may look like its written in English but it really isn't. Essentially, a law is a piece of software used by judges and lawyers to reach decisions abotu what is and is not legal. Each jurisdiction has a separate body of prior Acts and court decisions defining particular words and phrases and imposing general rules and requirements on legislation. For example, a n Act might say "It is an offence to do X." But the state Criminal code defines "offence" and sets out a whole bunch of defences and evidentiary rules which apply to all offences.

    3. "Obama (or whoever) voted with his party 98% of the time" is usually bullshit. why? Because about 90% of those votes are stuff like "The House notes the presence in the gallery of the trade delegation from Burkina Faso and extends the greetings of the house"; "The House moves that the Bill be read a second time"; "The House will now adjourn for lunch" etc. Virtually all these motions are passed unopposed.

    4. with large pieces of legislation NO-ONE has read the whole thing from beginning to end. That cunning loop-hole inserted by the Macchiavellian government to give themselves super-secret spy powers? That happened because that section was proofread at 3 AM the night before the Bill was introduced and it was proofread by a 22 year old junior staffer with no prior drafting experience who'd been up 72 hours straight.
    • CommentAuthorKosmopolit
    • CommentTimeFeb 12th 2009
    5. Live in a country with a Westminster system? (Meaning Ministers have to be Members of Parliament).Here's how that total moron got to be a Minister: say there are 100 seats in Parliament. Say the government controls 55 of them. You have 25 ministries to fill; there's also five or six other positions to fill such as Whip and Deputy Whip; Head of Committees; Leader of government business and Speaker (the details vary but it's usually somewhere around 5 or 6.)

    There are generally about 5 people who are guaranteed jobs: the Premier/PM; their deputies; senior ministers from the previous cabinet; party heavyweghts. So really you have 25 jobs and 50 people to fill them.

    Of those 50, there are usually 5-10 people who, for example, were ministers previously and got sacked or resigned; who are generally regarded as too stupid/crooked/embarassing/drunk to be suitable or who hate/are hated by the Premier/PM or another senior figure because, for example, they slept with that person's wife/daughter/mistress/private diary secretary or because they lost a leadership challenge and want to sit on the back bench until they challenge again. There will also be the people who won by 5 votes in what used to be a safe opposition seat. The party wants them to spend every waking second courting their constituents in the hopes of hanging on to that seat.

    So that leaves roughly 40 people to fill those 25 ministries. Of those 40; 5 are probably in their first term. First-termers almost never get a ministry because it pisses off all the more senior backbenchers and also because they're something of an unknown quantity - they might turn out to be too stupid/crooked etc.

    So that leaves 35 people for 25 jobs. Maybe 5 of those people will be women; openly gay men; or members of ethnic minorities because most Parliaments are still overwhelmingly made up of straight white men. (Even when women do get elected they're generally elected in marginal seats viable male candidates weren't interest in and struggle to get re-elected.) Those 5 will pretty much automatically get ministries to show the government is inclusive (if left wing) or not a pack of raging bigots (if right wing.) (This is not discrimination, these people have jumped through the same hoops as everyone else to get to this point including being elected to Parliament twice and as MPs are just as entitled to a ministry as any other MP .)

    So finally, you end up with maybe 30 people for the other twenty jobs. Now factional politics get involved. The Foreign Minister hates and distrusts the Defence Minister and vice versa. Neither of them will have a friend or factional colleague of the other as a junior minister. There's a back bencher whose father-in-law is the Party President, he has to get a job.

    Essentially you end up with a situation where anybody who gets re-elected and isn't obviously mad or under active police investigation will probably get a ministry if they want one.

    Which is also why you get bullshit ministerial posts created for guys like the aforementioned son-in-law of the Party President such as "Minister for Wine Industry Development"; or "Minister Assisting the Premier for the Arts, Tourism, Regional Development; Rural Communities and Disability Support". (The "Rural Communities" and "Disability Support" bits got tacked on because of campaign promises to create a Cabinet post to deal with these issues. The relevant ministerial staff consist of two part-timers on temporary secondment from Fisheries or the Mines Safety Inspectorate.)

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