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Printheads: [Closed, Sink] What etiquette questions do you have for Mr. Ellis?

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  1.  (6983.1)
    Having met a person at a party whose religious or political views you find abhorrent, and having attempted (and failed) finding some middle ground on the subject of faith or political power... at what point is it merely advisable to twat them, and what point it is absolutely necessary? Does finding your debater attractive (and within your lustobject parameters) affect this?

    And how many tokes constitutes bogarting?
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      CommentAuthormister hex
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.2)
    At what point does Internet douche-baggery becomes absolutely intolerable?
  3.  (6983.3)
    If a work colleague maliciously and persistently misuses apostrophes, uses "penultimate" to mean "better than ultimate", can't tell the difference between "loose" and "lose" and commits sundry other blatant offences against the English language, is it better to gently correct them, or simply spit in their coffee?
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      CommentAuthorobliterati
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009 edited
     (6983.4)
    I'm having a time out until I can learn some manners.
    Where are the remaining surveillance devices?

    I'm sorry I didn't address this properly.

    Where are the remaining surveillance devices, FUCKFACE?
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      CommentAuthorrickiep00h
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.5)
    What's the best way to tell someone you "accidentally" ran over their dog because it wouldn't shut the fuck up and also made sexual advances toward you?

    The dog made the advances, not the owner.
  6.  (6983.6)
    On what side of the plate does your fork go at the Republican Convention, and on what side the silver and ivory John Wayne Special Edition six-shooter?

    Also: here in the U.S., we're approaching national healthcare in a novice fashion. We could use some advice from across the pond. When convening a death panel, what etiquette is required?
  7.  (6983.7)
    What drink does one order to go with some prime rib rare?
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      CommentAuthorMShades
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.8)
    When one wishes to enter into a Classical pederastic relationship with a young man from the local junior high school, what is the most appropriate manner in which to request permission from the boy's parents? A formal note? Perhaps a dedication on the radio? I was leaning towards a singing telegram, but it has been suggested to me that might be tacky.

    Also, when poisoning a romantic rival, should the poison be decanted with the left or right hand? I can never remember.
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      CommentAuthortim12s
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.9)
    Human flesh - red wine or white? I'd err towards white, but red seems somehow seems more apt.

    Also - this is more a general question than etiquette - can you fuck someone into flames? (Not necessarily you per se, as I said, in general.)
  10.  (6983.10)
    --Feasting on the flesh of your enemies, is it appropriate to include any edible parts in the remains sent back to the family? I'm thinking the face.

    --When is whisky an inappropriate gift?
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      CommentAuthorCamyLuna
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.11)
    While looking for a local photographer for hire on the internet I came across some intimate -yet very tasteful- shots of a coworker and his wife in one of the portfolios. I'm curious to see if he liked working with that photographer, but I'm not sure if I should bring it up. I don't work directly with him, but it could lead to some awkwardness in the office. What do you think?
  12.  (6983.12)
    You only have one bag of kittens, three of your guests have already claimed half the bag for full-cavity prolapsing, and two more are planning to sew themselves together a kitty centipede, but you're low on blood stocks and that cake isn't going to ice itself. How to proceed?
  13.  (6983.13)
    Does having a wank at work count as a toilet break?
    • CommentAuthorE0157H7
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.14)
    Is telling a hillbilly that "The Government doesn't care about you enough to plot against you and your retarded cousin-wife to steal your guns and hypothetical money " too wordy?
  15.  (6983.15)
    Orgy etiquette, specifically as host. Does one:

    1) stay physically aloof, to keep an eye on things, reining some in and encouraging others as needed?
    2) go full bore, with complete abandon?
    3) a little of both, dipping a toe in, so to speak, yet aware enough of your surroundings to take host-ly responsibility?

    Follow-up: Do you make sure someone sexes the freckle-faced kid, or let him fend for himself, and why?
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.16)
    At what age is it best to crush a child's dreams so that they have an easier time stepping in to the status quo?
  17.  (6983.17)
    When dining with fanatic vegans, is it ok to demand them to take into account your culinary needs and fry you a steak?
    • CommentAuthoroga
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.18)
    @rickiep00h who was the owner or the dog, the chihuahua or the blonde handbag carrier? That is, I think you're saying the dog carrying the bag with the owner in it made inappropriate advances to you. Any such excuse for a human being would be an "it" in my opinion.
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      CommentAuthorhalcyonday
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2009
     (6983.19)
    How does one get blood out of cream shag carpet?

    When having an American Psycho style moment over business cards, is it appropriate to leave one of yours on top of the corpses or is it better to artful arrange their own, inferior offerings instead?

    How best to dispose of a Hoxton hipster?
  20.  (6983.20)
    How does one address a complete stranger on the internet? I default to the most polite. Mr. Ellis when I'm speaking to you, Ellis when I'm speaking of your work. Mr. Ellis seems way too formal considering the personality implied by your writing. And we post pictures of diseased cut up cocks here at times.

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