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Printheads: [Closed, Sink] What etiquette questions do you have for Mr. Ellis?

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  1.  (6983.1)
    How long is it appropriate to wait before wiping your face post wet grandparent cheek-kisses?

    (@fatesaccomplice I see no contradiction at all in "Mr. Ellis, if you would be so kind as to observe diseased cut up cock number four...")
  2.  (6983.2)
    After a one-night stand, what is the most acceptable way to tell somebody that you never want to see them again?
  3.  (6983.3)
    When (if) one dies, should one leave their earthly possessions to others, or insist upon their simultaneous burial? Does this extend to pets/family members/friends/people you claim to know?
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2009
     (6983.4)
    Out of the many ways it can be done, what is the most socially appropriate way to skin a cat?
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2009
     (6983.5)
    What is the correct way to tell someone that you found pictures of them on the internet, naked, having sex with a man in a tiger costume?
    •  
      CommentAuthorFrekky
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2009
     (6983.6)
    How does one tell it is the sort of party where one is permitted to stick their dick in the mashed potatoes?

    When defecating in someone's house do you go full bore and paint the walls and ceiling or simply leave a small pile in the center of the rug?
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      CommentAuthorJess
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2009
     (6983.7)
    After the magazine is on the stands, you should definitely answer any unused questions on the forums, Warren.
    •  
      CommentAuthorFinagle
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2009
     (6983.8)
    You are conducting a clandestine transaction with another individual. You have placed the required funds in advance in a neutral spot, and need to indicate to the other individual that the appropriate funds are there and should be taken, and the required product or service delivered. What is the proper way to bring up the subject?

    - "Hey, little something for you there."
    - "I think you dropped something - there. No there. Under the seat."
    - "I found a few hundred dollar bills that might belong to you, can you describe whose face is on them?"
    •  
      CommentAuthorJess
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2009
     (6983.9)
    What is the appropriate way to dispose of sea mucus?

  10.  (6983.10)
    What is the politest way to ask a woman whether her breasts are real without suffering the risk of physical annihilation?
  11.  (6983.11)
    what is the best way to pick one´s nose without people noticing?
  12.  (6983.12)
    @Jess I know, right?! Filament's totally going to have etiquette questions until the year 2020 - all these deserve answers!
    •  
      CommentAuthorNygaard
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2009
     (6983.13)
    Carrying over a question raised by a discussion on a different forum: When a Fox News reporter and camera crew arrives in your country to prove that you are all socialist madmen, what is the appropriate way to mislead, confuse and swindle them in preparation for stealing their organs - swiftly and brutally, or slow and gentle?
    •  
      CommentAuthordiello
    • CommentTimeOct 9th 2009
     (6983.14)
    You demand that your daughter bring her jacket/coat on her way to school, regardless of how unusually warm it is compared to the rest of the week, which is her reason for fighting you on the decision, and after a heated discussion, she still "forgets" it when she leaves. How do you proceed?

    (my sister did this once, and my mom personally delivered it to her while in class, in her housecoat and curlers in her hair)
  15.  (6983.15)
    Is it polite to follow someone you really dislike into a public restroom and sit on the toilet next to them to release what you know are the foul contents of your bowls? Forget about polite, is it within reason?
  16.  (6983.16)
    I love my boyfriend very dearly and we have great sex together. But sometimes he gets sexually excited by sticking his dick in my mail slot and jacking off on my mail shortly after it arrives but before I have a chance to read it. (I know because he confessed it to me.) Having his spunk on the bills I hate paying is not a problem. But when I clean his seed off letters from friends and the new issue of The Guardian, he gets deeply offended and swears I don't love him any more. But thanks to a rare eye condition, reading via computer screen for extended periods of time is not an option for me. What's the best way to both keep my boyfriend and my reading correspondence habits regularly satisfied?
  17.  (6983.17)
    oh god i want to cry
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      CommentAuthorpurly
    • CommentTimeOct 10th 2009 edited
     (6983.18)
    How to invite a girl into a threesome with you and your husband, and still remain friends after?

    How to ask a creepy guy (that you want to appear to remain friends with) to stop looming over you and sneaking up behind you?

    How to ask your manager to please stop filling your fruit bowl with candy?

    How to get a really talkative phone friend to let you go so that you can pee without them being able to hear it over the phone?

    Is there any right way to ask an ex if he will please make a plaster erection cast so that I can send it in to have a dildo made from it?

    What is the best way to tell your relatives to please stop asking if you're going to have kids soon because you aren't. And also, please stop trying to convince you to do so?
  19.  (6983.19)
    @warrenellis
    no crying in whitechapel. or someone will jerk off into your mail slot.
  20.  (6983.20)
    [appropriate reference to your mum's mail slot goes here]

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