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  1.  (6983.1)
    Warren has kindly agreed to do a guest spot answering the etiquette questions for Filament Magazine issue 3, out on 1 December. In return, I have promised not to call him Miss Manners. As much.

    Need your help with questions, y'all!

    What burning conundrums of appropriate interpersonal behaviour do you have to put to our host?

    Usual Filament etiquette rules apply: nothing's too filthy or too wholesome ;)
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      CommentAuthorJess
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.2)
    I wasn't sure this was real. And then someone stickied it.

    And now I have to come up with the most awkward question I can think of.
    • CommentAuthorRenThing
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.3)
    Buggery: Appropriate on the first date and do you think that you should buy dinner first or after?
    • CommentAuthorsteevo
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.4)
    What is the best thing to say in that akward couple of seconds after you've tapped someone on the shoulder, mistakenly thinking that they were an acquaintance of yours? (Other than, "Oh, sorry, thought you were someone else." That's just boring.) What about when you get 20 seconds into conversation and THEN realize they aren't who you thought they were?
  2.  (6983.5)
    balls: outside the pants or in?
  3.  (6983.6)
    ... right. Don't laugh, Andre. Control yourself. Hahaha -- STOP. Er... right. Okay. Questions.

    - Upon being introduced to a lady, should you wait for her to indicate what form of greeting shall be used (handshake, cheek-kissing, tongue-kissing, sex on buffet table, sorry disregard the latter two) or should you take the initiative?

    - When you eat spaghetti, and a long bit of it is tethering your head to the plate, and everyone noticed and they're looking at you like your next action will decide the fate of the universe, how should you proceed?

    - When a woman realizes you have been staring at her breasts, possibly for the last five minutes, what should be your excuse, and is it acceptable to blame her cleavage if it's big enough to fit a basketball inside it?

    I might have phrased these questions improperly, of course, in which case they can be freely edited or simply forgotten forever, as I'm sure I'll regret posting them in a matter of minutes.
    • CommentAuthorsteevo
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.7)
    Also, to contribute to the colon club (this joke works on so many fewer levels than I will ever accept) - Farts: Hilarious? Or just mildly funny?
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      CommentAuthorJess
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009 edited
     (6983.8)
    You're wearing your best Sunday tutu when someone points out to you that it is not nearly as pink or frilly as depicted in the latest fashion magazines. How do you respond?
    • CommentAuthoricelandbob
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009 edited
     (6983.9)
    when you break up with your partner, do you delete your "amputee midget gay gangbang" porn from their PC, or do you leave it as a birthday surprise for them?
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      CommentAuthorJustLaina
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.10)
    Oh man.
    •  
      CommentAuthorJess
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.11)
    Oo, I've got another one.

    In your opinion, what is the best way to sex a parakeet?
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      CommentAuthoroldhat
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.12)
    Is it ever acceptable to judge someone based on their music tastes?

    What would be a an acceptable gift for a child?

    Is there ever a good time to tell stories of sexual exploits?

    When is the right time to reveal to a potential mate that you are a broken, horrible human being?
    • CommentAuthorIllogic
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.13)
    Is cannibalism a minor personality flaw or just a good excuse to make sex jokes?
  4.  (6983.14)
    here are some more questions re: my in-laws

    Is it ok to call you father in law a fascist, despite the fact that he is a priest?

    Can you shout at your mother in Law when she steals your alcohol?

    and the last one - if you are at you in laws house and you go down the cellar. just as your Dad in law walk out the shower butt naked looking at you, smiling.... do you tell your wife, or start drinking?

    when your sister in law is pregnant, what is a good present to give to her "baby shower"?
  5.  (6983.15)
    Oh man.

    I know, right?
  6.  (6983.16)
    1) Greeting a person of the opposite sex in a business environment that you are vaguely familiar with; stiff handshake, air kiss or the full two cheek fiasco?

    2) Spitting - acceptable for civilians as well as sportspeople?

    3) Steps that meateaters living with vegetarians should take
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      CommentAuthornigredo
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.17)
    What do you say to someone who leans in too close when he talks to you (even if their breath is minty fresh)?

    What do you do when somebody in a wheelchair runs over your foot?

    How do you eat your apple if your hands are filthy from cleaning toilets, you haven't been able to disinfect them, and you don't have access to cutlery?

    If you're sanding next to a person with horriffically pungent BO in the tube and there's no room for you to move elsewhere, do you tell them?

    etc.
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      CommentAuthoragentarsenic
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009 edited
     (6983.18)
    Should one offer condolences to the poor soul that is last in line for the gangbang? Perhaps a tip of the tophat or a quick fluff?
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      CommentAuthorrazrangel
    • CommentTimeOct 8th 2009
     (6983.19)
    What's the etiquette for telling someone "I like you, you're neat and I try to get to your burlesque shows whenever possible. I like your pictures and only go look at them when I don't have company that will object. But if you toned down the graphic broadcasts of the sex you get to have I'd really appreciate it. Because I like making the time to go look at naked people, but I'm not a fan of having naked people suddenly show up in my RSS feed, often before I've even had any coffee."

    Put another way, how do I impose personal boundaries on my social networking? Or am I a hopeless prude for even wanting such?
  7.  (6983.20)
    What is the correct manner to inform someone who has ice in their whiskey that they are wrong?

    Where is the best place to hide the body?