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  1.  (704.1)
    State of the Union shortly.

    Lets see what shit the monkey throws this go around, shall we?
  2.  (704.2)
    First thought. Fucker is making Terminator into a rerun. Not an adroit thought, but I may as well get pissed over the trivial as a warm up exercise.
  3.  (704.3)
    Ok. I have my back to the TV, which is how I always watch the State of the Union. Lets get rolling.

    Static: Oh, thank you NBC. The president is not looking for the top job again. Right. Glad you said, I might have been confused otherwise. And now talking about the president's tie. (edit: it was blue) Excuse me for a sec. MSNBC now. Talking about approval ratings. Better.

    Edit: typos.
  4.  (704.4)
    9:10: Preamble trying to sound very republican, in the dictionary sense, and right into a comment on the 110th Congress, some vague implication about infighting in the election process.

    Economy: ok, admitting the economy is shit. Thats a big deal for the Shrub. Pitching his tax relief bill and now attacking Congress for the "loading up the bill" - translation if they try to do anything I don't agree with - they are at fault if I veto it latter. And hey, look, more blaming congress here on tax issues. Pushing for permanent tax relief - whats the cost of your war again - never mind.

    9:15: First veto threat for any tax increase. And lets roll that into an attack on "wasteful" programs. Could we hear some examples Shurb? And right into another crack at Congress....

    Edit: typos
  5.  (704.5)
    9:16: Another fucking veto threat. Cut programs I do not like or I veto. Wait, executive order....holy shit. To change congressional policy on earmarks. Thats right an executive order to alter a rule of Congress. Do not care what you think of earmarked expense, he can't fucking do that.

    Health care: We need to make health care more affordable...ok. Oh look an appeal to consumer choice, because the issue is not people who can't afford it at all. And right into the tort reform straw man too. Neat. (I thought it might not get mentioned this year). It is like a greatest hits. And some nice coded language too....

    Education: No child left behind. "No one can deny its results." Remember folks its the test score numbers that matter, not what the students know.


    Edit: typos.
  6.  (704.6)
    9:22: "Faith based or otherwise." We do not want to save public schools. No. In fact we need to save the students from the same public schools that are having these amazing test scores...we want grants so they can go to private schools with a faith based curriculum as a life line. Grant money can be found, but not money to save the schools huh?

    9:24: First mention of terror, dealing with Columbia and a trade issue, and it sounded more like a shot at socialism then terrorism to me. I must admit 24 minutes in before using terrorism, to make a secondary point, is a new record for the Shrub.

    Energy policy: Preamble I can agree with. Let see what he means by empowering research and reducing dependence. Ok, this is hollow, but I do not disagree with any of it. If he actually threw support behind this in the form on money (remember those cut programs above) it would be presidential. Ah here we go, we need an energy agreement followed by some code that it must be one dictated by the US. More code: we will only sign if they do it our way. Throw away line to show he believes in global warming finally.

    Science Funding: Well I want that too. Where is the money, if we can't spend money?


    Edit: typo and clarity.
  7.  (704.7)
    Oh here we go....

    9:29: Yup scientists managed to find a possible way around your myopic shortsighted view of science and stem cell research. Bully for science. They can succeed despite you. Now you want more fucking religion to be inserted into the law with ethics (faith) based laws. Lets see how many more handcuffs we can put on the sciences shall we?

    Managed to get annoyed enough to miss something right then. Hah.

    More Faith based charity support. Yes we got it.

    Edit: typos.
  8.  (704.8)
    9:33: A direct lie about Medicare spending. Lets have the private accounts thing...1..2...3...nope! Edit: he really refused to push for any policy didn't he? Right into...

    Immigration: Support for fence building and boarder patrol. And a return to guest workers, ok this might be interesting since he is partly at odds with his own party in this. Generalized appeal to ideals on the need to allow guest workers. And....thats it? Nothing else. Way to pitch a program there George.

    General about liberty abroad and terrorism: "Evil men who despise freedom, who despise America."

    Edit: David Cross "because they hate freedom Billy."

    And who had 9:37 for 9/11 Raise your hand! Who had 9:37 in the pool. You there in back!

    War on terror, those who despise all we hold dear, and so on. A generalized greatest hits list of Arab states - nope on mention of North Korea this year, unless I missed it. We are still spreading freedom it seems. And we, have not, in fact, not at all, abandoned Afghanistan, we have in fact created a thriving democracy it seems. Neat. I wonder if they notice there.

    About to declare the surge a total success isn't he? Some coded shoots at people who want withdrawal, who I assume hate Iraqi children and do not wish them to go to school. More on how Iraqis were afraid once upon a time, but now live under, what I assume, is a constant rain of kittens and gumdrops.

    Edit: Typos and Clarity.
  9.  (704.9)
    9:42: Apparently things are great in Iraq. Good to know. Nice linking of Al Queda to Iraq right then; low we have driven them from the strongholds we created for them! No mission accomplished or stay the course.

    Troops coming home: Thankfully since we sent more troops and reassured the Iraqis we would not leave them in the lurch we can now bring our troops home. So its over? We won. Cool. Hmm, promise to the soldiers "you will have all you need to protect our nation." Unless its health care when you get home. Or its in a bill I don't like. Ohh...a pass is in the the air...the buck is passed to Congress! Yes your fault! Not his YOURS.

    Oh its not over. Hard fights to come. But brining people home anyway. Well I can't argue with brining people home, even only 20K. But careful words now to make it clear thats all we can bring home and another blame pass to the Congress.

    I think he is closing this up by taking credit for what ever Iraqis are doing to try and duct tape their lives together. Nope, wrong again, he has one more bit about American interests and defeating Terror. Apparently if we fail in Iraq, Iran will come get us.

    So lets be clear: We won. Iraq is a paradise of schools and happy children. With a tough fight to go. And we can bring our troops home, and fund them. Only we can't because it would abandon Iraq. And we can't spend money. And he will veto any funding he disagrees with. And we have saved America from Iran by doing this. Right.

    Edit: typos and clarity.
  10.  (704.10)
    Ok, a democratic Israel and a democratic Palestine living side by side in peace. Yeah fine. We agree on that one 30 second bit. I am not that stubborn.

    Iran: Weapons of mass destruction! Holy shit we just had a Iran is coming to get us and working on nuclear weapons scare moment. And here it is, a direct threat to Iran. Thank you Shurb, I was feeling bad about agreeing with you for 30 seconds above.

    9:54: Home front scare tactics. Vague comments on threats stopped and a second reference to 9/11. Sucking up to the intelligence community to avoid a bomb in his toilet is not the worst idea he has ever had. They do not like him. Ah, time to talk wire tap. If we let the sunset provision on anti terrorism laws...what the fuck? We need to ...holy shit.

    Liability protection for companies who help act against terrorism! Holy SHIT. I have no words.

    Ok..

    9:56: Genocide bad. Good. Bullshit promises of global aid we can't afford and won't pass. Ok, thats nice and easy. Did you just say you want a liability shield for telcos...

    Holy shit. (Edit: MSNBC, totally right the democrats were frozen in silence for that)

    Edit: Typos and Carity.
    •  
      CommentAuthorZ
    • CommentTimeJan 28th 2008 edited
     (704.11)
    <em>10:01
    </em>
    Bob Dole likes to smack Bob Dole's knee. Bob Dole thinks this speech agrees with Bob Dole's ethics.

    Bob Dole.

    Bob Dole.
  11.  (704.12)
    Aids: There we go, I was waiting for the aids funding bill that can't get passed part of his speech. He never forgets to pretend to care. Remember kids, promising funding is the easiest way to say you care when you do not care at all.

    9:59: Vet funding. Which he supports, again, as long as the bill is not a bill where he dislikes any small part of. And...as long as it does not cost money I presume, looking back at the start tonight.

    Child care for military funding, benefit transfer, reform for vet health care.

    If I thought he would let any bill that is more then a pittance through without a veto I might say he is being presidential for a moment here. But the simple fact is he will crush any bill which is not so pointless and empty as to put a band aid over a gushing chest wound. Its easy to care when you wont fund and will blame someone else when they try to. It really is. Edit: Its also easy to care when you have no plan yourself.

    And I think we have another appeal to the general bad ass wonder that is American democracy. Yup and DONE.

    Thanks for indulging me, anyone who read this. I will go edit a bit now. Thanks again, mechanic Ariana and Warren for the medium to rant in.

    PS: MSNBC: Yup, a best of album perfectly said.

    Edit: Typos and Clarity.
  12.  (704.13)
    MSNBC is now ripping him another asshole.

    Literally pointing out the bullshit in claims and the rhetoric. Noting the out and out lies and half truths in the claims of thwarted terrorist attacks, and the old comments dug up and brushed off. Good for them.
  13.  (704.14)
    Josh, brilliant rant. I really enjoyed reading this, your irony is gold.
  14.  (704.15)
    Ok. lets have a post game moment.

    What did we get from the Shurb?

    1. Underfunded and unfunded mandates. Health care, energy research and aids are all classics. Also Genocide and starvation bad. A heroic comment on a hard truth.
    2. Buck passing. Anything that does not get done, no matter how little of a plan he has, is the fault of Congress. Anything that does not get done, because he vetoes the bill for trying to actually spend the money needed, is the fault of Congress. Everything, is in fact, the fault of Congress.
    3. They hate our freedom Billy. They hate freedom. Who? Iran does now. They have WMDs.
    4. We are already victorious in Iraq, and we need to keep fighting to make sure that we are still victorious. Because its a special sort of victory which requires the war to continue.
    5. Troops can come home, except they can't.
    6. "I support the troops." There had been a lack of clarity on a key issue here. Could Bush state - in English- that he supports the troops, while at the same time showing by policy he does not? Tonight he said the line loud and clear, assuring us, once and for all, he can indeed say it. The hours of practice were not for nothing.
    7. Opps, he seems to have the note cards from last year and the year before in his pile. Has he mentioned the two attempted terrorist attacks which probably were false calls this year? He did? Ok, good I was worried he forgot.
    8. Immigration policy. We need it.
    9. The economy is shit. It has also never been greater then now to be an American then today. Got to respect his ability to admire Americans for surviving his presidency.
    10. The one policy plan actually stated: Telecommunications companies need a liability shield so they can snoop on Americans.

    And above all, he loves America.
    •  
      CommentAuthorhyim
    • CommentTimeJan 28th 2008
     (704.16)
    that was faaaaar more enjoyable than i first thought. nice coverage ^_^
  15.  (704.17)
    Heh. I knew I could count on you giving me a clear way through his BS, with the addded bonus of not having to watch it myself.

    Thanks. :)
    •  
      CommentAuthorroque
    • CommentTimeJan 29th 2008
     (704.18)
    lulz. I, too, am glad I read this instead of watching the actual speech.
    •  
      CommentAuthorWaxPoetic
    • CommentTimeJan 29th 2008
     (704.19)
    oddly, i was looking forward to wallowing in his carefully planned rhetoric and idiocy. i didn't even know he was speechifying until the radio told me so!

    thank you for taking the time to care and time stamp and decode and wrap up and all that.

    I enjoyed it very much!

    well done.