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: Why I Blog
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Feb 1st 2008
It seems to me that, at least in my area, we live disconnected from each other IRL. Families don't eat together much, don't do much of anything together. We don't talk to our neighbors, and I don't think anyone in my town knows who their local beat-cop is, much less would ask him for help with anything (our cops are scary). We don't watch our fellow humans as if they were people. We watch them as if they were objects put in our way for the mere purpose of annoyance. Please and Thankyou? Pfft. Who the hell heard of that?
So, with a lack of RL socialization, I turn to the blog, seeking connection, friendship, something to cure that "O
h God I'm alone and surrounded by idiot zombies
" feeling that curls deep within my black little heart.
I just can't identify with my 20-something peers with their 2-3 young children, wellfare and mcdonalds lifestyles supported (HAPPILY!- how do they manage to be happy in such poverty?) by bad jobs and the nightly napenthe of booze. I look at them- my peers who never did much after graduation, and try to strike up conversations, when words falter.
I don't have anything in common with these people, these wage-slaves who spend so much time with their kids and their crap jobs that they've forgotten there is a life beyond that box, that other things exist. I don't drink, I don't do illegal drugs. I read. I write. I use "Big" words like Genre, sycophant and plebian.
I look at the people I knew in high school, and I have nothing to say to them. They look at me; the feeling's mutual. We both speak english, live in the same city. But our values, our lives, our loves are so different that we might as well be speaking different languages.
So... I blog. I chat. I e-mail. I digitally communicate, because, goddamnit, I need wit. I need vitriolic sarcasm. I need
I need sharp, curious minds, people aware of what's around them.
Feb 1st 2008
to be reminded that you aren't the only one living life like it matters, there are other people who see the world outside their eyeballs as a place of wonder and experience, not just a chance to be reminded, yet again, of the powerlessness of the individual in a world that does not bow down to momentary whims.
at least, that's my interpretation of it. today the need is particularly strong.
Feb 1st 2008
i also use big words like sycophant, plebeian, oligarch, and gestalt. i too, wander through my daily life in a constant state of shock at the seeming mindlessness that is a great many of the people around me. however, i too, am one of those with the 2-3 kids, and let me tell you, it is pretty damn difficult to pay attention to what is going on outside your little box, when what is going on inside it is a constant struggle to survive. i am bitterly struggling to NOT be a wage slave, but i was blessed by my genetics to possess a mind and a fierce will that allow me to do that. i'm going to school to be a medical research scientist, and let me tell you (more): nothing makes this old punk want to punch people in the face like an early 20-something with NOTHING other than school to worry about bitching about how poor people are such a drag, or how hard it is because they only have 5 whole hours to study tonight. Nothing was more painful than losing yet another layer of idealism when i realized that some one has to stay behind and be the peon, the support structure. i can still feel the full force of that realization even though it's now been a while, and it still sickens me.
But anyway, i also feel that need to connect. i am often struck profoundly by others' obvious need for it, too. i am also struck by the question of why it seems so hard to connect out there.... you know, in the real world. Is this new? or are there just so many people now that introverts can unite with out the danger of actual contact? we really are at liberty to create ourselves however we like here on the interweb.
Feb 1st 2008
I like to ramble and explore ideas, and, well not all of them are worth a post in a public space. Some are better suited to a carefully roped off area where only people who choose to duck under will see. I am blogging here as an experiment, to see if I will keep up with it or let it go, and to see if I feel what I said was worth saying a few days latter.
I mean on one hand I wish to explore the political climate. On the other hand I want to explain why I enjoyed Mighty Avengers this week (which I very much did).
So a test period is well in order.
Also, I like the people here, and want to hear their feedback, especially as I feel this out. That has the dual advantage of giving me both a built in audience and an audience whose opinions I respect. I can never say I agree with or even understand everyone who comes to a Ellis community, but I can say the places always fill up with people who are worth listening too. So while I debate a fixed blog location of my own this is a great place to be for it.
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