2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/ Lussumo Vanilla & Feed Publisher http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2066#Comment_2066 2007-12-01T12:04:48-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 meme http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=989

Two dogs walk into a barn, and they see two horses. One dog looks at the other dog and says, "I wonder what horses say when there's no one around?" The two dogs walk out of the barn, and as ...

That is the one joke I know.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2069#Comment_2069 2007-12-01T12:07:41-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 MonkeyBusiness http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=126

What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot-dog vendor? Make me one with everything.

Make me one with everything.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2084#Comment_2084 2007-12-01T12:31:54-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Ben http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=700

Do you know what's intense? Boy scouts camping. *ba-dump-ching!*

Boy scouts camping.
*ba-dump-ching!*]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2097#Comment_2097 2007-12-01T12:49:22-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 will_butler http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=892

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous. A night of tall tale telling begins. The first says, "I must be the ...

The second can't stand to be outdone. "Why that's nothing. I was walking down the trail yesterday and a fifteen foot rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands, bit its head off, and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today."

The third cowboy stayed silent, slowly stirring the coals with his penis.

That's my favorite joke of all time, but it's far, far better when told in person.

Will]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2101#Comment_2101 2007-12-01T12:54:41-08:00 2007-12-01T12:57:22-08:00 C.c. http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=463

Excuse the profanity in advance, but you asked for it. A boy walks into a whorehouse carrying a dead frog. He digs into his pocket for a wad of cash and walks up to the madam. "Miss, I ...

A boy walks into a whorehouse carrying a dead frog. He digs into his pocket for a wad of cash and walks up to the madam.
"Miss, I would like to see the dirtiest girl you have here," he says. "I want the one with all the diseases. Everything. You know what I'm talking about."
The madam shakes her head. "We don't have anyone like that here," she says.
"I know you do," he says. "Look I'm willing to pay double."
"Ok," she says. "Go upstairs, to the last room at the end of the hall, and I think you'll find what you're looking for."

The boy leaves, goes about his business, and returns, still carrying the dead frog. As he's about to leave, the madam stops him.
"Wait," she says, pointing. "Why did you want her, and why are you carrying that?"
"Well," he says. "When I get home, I'm going to fuck the babysitter, and then she's going to get all the VD I now have. And then, when Dad gets home, he's going to take the babysitter home, and he's going to fuck her, because that's maybe why he hired her, and then he'll get all her VD. And then when Dad gets home, he's going to fuck Mom, because it's a Tuesday and Dad always fucks Mom on Tuesdays, and she'll get it. And then tomorrow, when Dad's at work, Mom's going to fuck the mailman, because he always fucks the mailman, and he'll get all these diseases...

And that's the motherfucker who ran over my frog."]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2104#Comment_2104 2007-12-01T12:57:02-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Oddcult http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=214

What did the slug say to the snail? "Big Issue?"

"Big Issue?"]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2112#Comment_2112 2007-12-01T13:04:40-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Elohim http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1014

How evil are these jokes allowed to be? Cause my hallmate just got a book called "Sick Jokes" from his ma in the post, and a couple of dozen have been burnt into my brain before imploring ...

In the interim, what's big and red and sits in the corner?
A naughty bus...

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's ya mother.

There's more evil in the charts than in al-Quaeda's suggestion box]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2115#Comment_2115 2007-12-01T13:07:42-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Stitchy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=125

Hopefully I'm not too ostracized by this but it's short, sweet, and to the point. "Why do fat girls give such good head?" "Because they have to."

"Why do fat girls give such good head?"

"Because they have to."]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2131#Comment_2131 2007-12-01T13:20:15-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Splutterbug http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1000

Why are pirates called pirates They just AAARRRRR!

They just AAARRRRR!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2140#Comment_2140 2007-12-01T13:26:31-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Redwynd http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=653

@Stitchy; good one, I'll remember that. @ Elohim; Yours can't be as bad as this: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? Picture only takes one nail to hang. (cue hate ...

@ Elohim; Yours can't be as bad as this:

What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
Picture only takes one nail to hang.

(cue hate mail)]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2156#Comment_2156 2007-12-01T13:51:46-08:00 2007-12-01T13:52:56-08:00 Elohim http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1014

Sounds like a challenge, Redwynd... *cracks knuckles* For the first joke, a continuation of the ecclesiastical theme - Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms? A: He has holes in his hands! Q: Why ...

*cracks knuckles*
For the first joke, a continuation of the ecclesiastical theme -

Q: Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
A: He has holes in his hands!

Q: Why did all the girls love Saddam Hussein?
A: He was well hung!

Now, there's a whole genre opening up before me of dead babies and paedophilia, but I'm not sure if I'm really allowed to go into those on this forum... but I think they're available on sickipedia.org]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2162#Comment_2162 2007-12-01T14:00:21-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 JaredRules http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=374

What is the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb!

You can unscrew a lightbulb!]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2163#Comment_2163 2007-12-01T14:01:16-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Danny Mears http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1023

Two muffins in an oven. The first muffins says to the other muffin "It hot in here to you?" The other muffin says "Holy shit! A talking muffin!"

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2168#Comment_2168 2007-12-01T14:07:18-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Redwynd http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=653

Ok, since I was just leafing the Entertainment section in the paper, reading about a possible Jackson Five reunion tour, I gotta toss this one out: How do you know it's bedtime at Micheal ...

How do you know it's bedtime at Micheal Jackson's house?
When the big hand touches the little hand.

@Jared;
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a bowling alley?
Bowling alley gives your balls back.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2203#Comment_2203 2007-12-01T14:55:37-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 graphicartistx http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=525

What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot-dog vendor? Make me one with everything. The vendor told the DL "That's two-fifty." The DL gives the vendor a twenty and the vendor pockets ...

What did the Dalai Lama say to the hot-dog vendor?

Make me one with everything.

The vendor told the DL "That's two-fifty."

The DL gives the vendor a twenty and the vendor pockets it and starts to leave.

The DL says, "Hey, where's my change?"

Vendor says, "Change must come from within."]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2208#Comment_2208 2007-12-01T15:01:12-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 graphicartistx http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=525

Little Timmy is in Sunday school class when the teacher asks the question, what part of the body gets to Heaven first? Timmy waves his arm around but the teacher won't call on him because he's a ...

Teacher approves and asks the question again. Timmy is still waving his hand and again, teacher ignores him and asks Mikey. Mikey says, "The soul, since that is the spiritual part of you."
Teacher approves and poses the question one more time. Little Timmy, dilligent as ever, raises his hand again. Teacher gives in and asks Timmy, "What part of the body gets to Heaven first?"
Timmy says, "The feet."
Teacher finds this odd and askes Timmy why he says the feet.
Timmy says, "Well, I walked into my mommy and daddy's room and mom had her feet in the air shouting I'm coming, God, I'm coming!"

(Cue rimshot...)]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2235#Comment_2235 2007-12-01T15:50:48-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 StefanJ http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=961

A guy walks into a doctor's office, complaining of a splitting headache. "I've had this on and off for years," he moans, "but lately the pain has been non-stop and ...

"I'm glad you came in," says the doctor, We'll run some tests and get to the bottom of it." He draws blood, tests reflexes, and orders a whole battery of high-tech scans.

Weeks later, the doctor calls the man in for a meeting. "The results are in," he says, "and you're not going to like it."

"Oh, just my luck," says the man, "it's a big brain tumor, right?"

"No," says the doctor, "you're perfectly healthy, except for . . ."

"Is there a cure?" shouts the man, "I really can't take the pain."

"There is a cure, but like I said you won't like it. For some reason your testicles have become impacted against the base of your spine, and the pressure is effecting your spinal fluid and compressing your brain. Unless you're willing to risk full paralysis I'm afraid the only step we can take is . . . removal."

The man faints. When he comes to he grabs his head. "I'll do it. Anything to end this agony."

The surgery is scheduled, the man admits himself to the hospital, and a day later he wakes up free of pain. "It's a miracle!" he shouts. "Thank you doctor. I'll try to make the best of things, considering what's been done."

On leaving the hospital the fellow sees a classy, old-fashioned mens' clothing shop. "Well, I'm not going to sit around feeling sorry for myself," he things, "I'll start out by getting a snappy new outfit."

The shop is run by an ancient tailor. "Well, well!" he says as the patient enters, "My clothes sense is tingling, I know just what you need." He looks the man up and down, scratching his chin. "There!" he says, "I'll be right out."

"You're not going to take any measurements?" asks the newly minted eunuch.

"No, no, when you've been doing this for as long as me, you can just tell." The tailor disappears into the back room and comes out with a classy new suit. The man tries it on, and is amazed to find that it fits almost perfectly. "Come back in a week and the alterations will be done. Now, is there anything else I can get you."

"Well, I need some socks, and a pack of undershirts, and some briefs. I wear size 34."

"No, no, sir!" says the tailor, "A fellow of your build, you'd better wear a size 38 brief."

"I've been wearing size 34 for two years," complains the man, "they fit fine."

"Sir, trust me," says the tailor. "You've been doing this as long as I have and you know. If you were to wear a size 34, your balls would press against your spine and give you a terrible headache!"]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2238#Comment_2238 2007-12-01T15:57:11-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 graphicartistx http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=525

Stefan...you made me hurt. I laugh as I wince.

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2319#Comment_2319 2007-12-01T19:25:19-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 jcfiala http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=939

One young boy was at school one day when he was chatting with his best friend. His best friend told him, "I just learned the greatest thing! If you tell an adult 'I know your secret,' then ...

He got home and found his mother at home. He gave her a look and announced, "I know your secret!" Mom turned white, gave him a twenty, and told him never to tell his father. The boy, impressed, stuck the twenty in his pocket and went off to play.

When he got home from playing, he came across his father reading the paper, and told him as well, "I know your secret!" Dad almost dropped the paper getting a twenty out of his wallet, handing it off to his son. "Don't tell your mother!"

The next day at school he told his friend how well it had worked, and they had a laugh about it. That afternoon when he got home he ran into the mailman on the street. Wanting more cash, the young tyke called out, "I know your secret!"

The mailman sunk down on one knee, threw out his arms, and cried out, "Oh! Give your daddy a HUG!"]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2359#Comment_2359 2007-12-01T20:34:02-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Kunundrum http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=275

A guy is on his way home from work when he gets a call on his cell phone. He answers, and it's the hospital. There's a doctor on the line, informing him he needs to get to the hospital immediatly. ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2360#Comment_2360 2007-12-01T20:38:23-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Kunundrum http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=275

I was reading a book on cross training, and I thought to myself, Jesus could have really used this - Carlin

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2361#Comment_2361 2007-12-01T20:38:57-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 jensen5 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=985

Guy gets hired by this company on Tuesday. Works Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. Calls in sick on Monday. Comes back to work on Tuesday and works the rest of the week. Monday comes and he calls in ...

"What's up with this guy calling in sick every Monday? Is he a good worker?"

"He does the work of two guys, always willing to help without being asked, it would be a shame to lose him. I'll talk to him tomorrow and see if there's anything the company can do for him."

The guy comes in on Tuesday and the supervisor pulls him into his office and sits him down.

"Look, I'd really hate to let you go. You do the work of two people. You're always willing to help out without being asked. But missing these Mondays has to stop. Is there anything that the company can do to help you? Why do you keep calling in sick?"

"Well ..., you see, my sisters husband always goes out Saturday nights and gets shit-faced drunk. Then he goes home and beats the shit out of my sister. She calls me Sunday morning and I go over to her house to console and comfort her, and well, one thing leads to another and we end up fucking."

"That's sick!"

"Now you know why I call in."

***

Remember this joke for when one of your co-workers calls in sick :P]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2367#Comment_2367 2007-12-01T20:44:30-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 lamuella http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=676

how many revolutionaries does it take to change a lightbulb? you can't change the lightbulb. You've got to smash it

you can't change the lightbulb. You've got to smash it]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2382#Comment_2382 2007-12-01T21:04:21-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 StefanJ http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=961

The staff of the Maple Grove nursing home receives word that the family of Mr. Dowd, their oldest tenant, is coming to check him out for a birthday dinner. The attendants clean him up, shave him, and ...

One of the nurses wanders by and notices that Dowd is slumped forward in his chair. She props him back up and neats his jacket. "Your son and grandchildren will be here any moment, sir! Sit up nice and straight so you're looking your best."

A few minutes later an orderly stolls by. Dowd is slouched over to the left, leaning far over the wheelchair's handle. "Oh, Mr. Dowd, be careful or you'll topple over!" he says, straightening the old man up and fixing his collar.

Soon after the home's administrator enters the lobby and finds Mr. Dowd leaning far to the right. "Oh my!" he says, "Sir, your family will be here very soon. This is no time to nap. Here, I'll help you straighten up."

Sure enough, the family appears moments later. The surround the old man, shake his hand, and kiss him. Dowd's son, seeing a strained look on his father's face, leans close.

"Are they treating you alright, pops?"

"Yes . . . yes, just fine." the old man says after a moment's thought.

"Is the food OK?"

"Oh, very good."

"And your room, is it warm enough?"

"Yes, just fine," the old man said, his voice barely a whisper, "It's just that . . . well . . ."

Dowd's son leaned closer. "Yes, pop?"

Dowd looked around to make sure no one else was listening and said:

"They won't let me take a goddamn fart."]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2534#Comment_2534 2007-12-02T09:29:11-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Willow Bl00 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=604

On Jesus: Why did Jesus die on the cross? ..because he forgot the safeword. On Micheal Jackson: What do Micheal Jackson and caviar have in common? ..they both come on little crackers

Why did Jesus die on the cross?

..because he forgot the safeword.


On Micheal Jackson:

What do Micheal Jackson and caviar have in common?

..they both come on little crackers]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2551#Comment_2551 2007-12-02T10:39:04-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 ian.mcrob http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=967

Elohim . Freud: If it's not one thing, it's ya mother. love it. time to offend all the women on this group. Whats the Motto of the Abortion Clinic? You rape em we scrape em, no featus ...

love it.

time to offend all the women on this group.

Whats the Motto of the Abortion Clinic?

You rape em we scrape em, no featus can beatus!!!!!!

apologies to all Ive offended in advance.
cue the hate mail as "Redwynd" commented earlier.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2555#Comment_2555 2007-12-02T10:46:16-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Ian Mayor http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=882

Throwing acid is wrong... in some people's eyes. Thank you Jimmy Carr

Thank you Jimmy Carr]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2572#Comment_2572 2007-12-02T11:18:24-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Elohim http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1014

ian.mcrob - to continue your theme: 9 out of 10 people enjoy gangrape! Q: What do you do after raping a blind, deaf & dumb girl? A: Break her fingers so she can't tell ...

9 out of 10 people enjoy gangrape!

Q: What do you do after raping a blind, deaf & dumb girl?
A: Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
*da-dum-dum-tsch!*

Apologies if too much. If not, I have more...]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2578#Comment_2578 2007-12-02T11:26:52-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Adlai http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1138

I went to see the nurse for my annual health check this morning. She said "I think you should stop wanking." "Why?" I asked. She said "Because I'm trying to examine you."

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2593#Comment_2593 2007-12-02T12:03:13-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Willow Bl00 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=604

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? ..because she was a woman.

..because she was a woman.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2612#Comment_2612 2007-12-02T12:52:58-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 graphicartistx http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=525

How did Hellen Keller discover masturbation? Trying to read her own lips... *ducks*

Trying to read her own lips...

*ducks*]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2619#Comment_2619 2007-12-02T13:11:00-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Stitchy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=125

These two are courtesy of the book Dirty Jokes and Beer by Drew Carey. A man runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best single-malt scotch quick!" ...

A man runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best single-malt scotch quick!"
The bartender pours the shots and the man drinks them down, one at a time, as fast as he can.
The bartender says, "Wow. I've never seen anybody drink that fast."
The man says, "Well, you'd drink that fast if you had what I have."
The bartender says, "Oh my god, what is it? What do you have?"
The man says, "Fifty cents."

and

A guy buys a 200-acre ranch out in the country. One day, after he moves in, a pick-up truck comes rambling down the one dirt road to his house and screeches to a halt in front of him.
"Howdy neighbor!" The pick-up driver says. "My name's Bill! I live next door and I wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood!"
"Well thanks Bill. That's right friendly," says the man.
"My pleasure," Bill says. Then, "Hey listen, the reason I drove out here is that I'm having a party this Saturday and I'd really like you to come. It's gonna be a real doozy. There's gonna be eatin', and drinkin' and fuckin' and fightin'... I tell you it's going to be great!"
"Well, that sounds just fine, Bill," says the man. "What should I wear?"
"Oh, it don't matter," Bill explains. "It's just gonna be you and me."]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2627#Comment_2627 2007-12-02T13:30:33-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 graphicartistx http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=525

What does eating pussy and the mafia have in common? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit. Eww.

One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.


Eww.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2638#Comment_2638 2007-12-02T13:54:42-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Willow Bl00 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=604

A man is driving over a bridge on his way home one night when he spots a boy crying next to a car. He gets out of his car and runs up to the boy. "What's the matter?" "My... my ...

"What's the matter?"
"My... my mom... she... she.." the boy can barely speak, he's crying so hard. He waves over the side of the bridge.
The man looks over the edge, to see two bloody masses at the bottom. "oh my. what's next to her?"
Through his tears, the boy manages to stammer out "da-da-dad"
The man goes back over, looks over the side. Comes back over to the boy, contemplates him for a moment, and comes to a decision. "drop your pants"
"Wha-what?"

"it's just not your lucky day."]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2639#Comment_2639 2007-12-02T13:56:54-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Helical Structure http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=305

Why can't Stevie Wonder read? Because he's black.

Because he's black.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2671#Comment_2671 2007-12-02T14:58:14-08:00 2007-12-02T15:07:44-08:00 Helical Structure http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=305

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to have dinner with her parents for the first time. Since this is such a big event for her, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, ...

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He is obviously nervous and finally manages to stammer out his order.
"So-some condoms please..."
"Of course, what kind would you like?" says the pharmacist.
"Um... normal?"
The pharmacist looks at him for a second and leans over. "Is it your first time young feller?"
The boy nods.
Remembering his own first fumbling experiences many years ago, the pharmacist takes the boy aside and introduces him to the wide world of modern prophylactic technology - stimulating ribbing, warming lubricants, strawberry flavouring, the works. The boy seems grateful and a bit relieved so, getting into the swing of things, he goes on to give the boy some tips on safe sex, how to avoid premature ejaculation, and even a couple of hints on how to pleasure a woman. Finally he sends the now-enthusiastic lad off happy with a family pack of Durex, some exotic variations and a little lube.

That night, fully prepared for the big event, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. She kisses him and exclaims "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents. Come on in, you're just in time!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

5 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 10 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to him, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, looks at her, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2706#Comment_2706 2007-12-02T16:19:08-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 C.c. http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=463

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

The Holocaust.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2728#Comment_2728 2007-12-02T17:03:14-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 jensen5 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=985

A man goes hunting bear up north. After a while he finally sees a bear by a log. He takes aim and ... BANG! The bear drops behind the log. The man runs over and looks over the log. No bear. There's a ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2749#Comment_2749 2007-12-02T17:29:40-08:00 2007-12-02T19:03:52-08:00 david.marks http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=8

A woman picks up the phone to find out her mother has just died. Crying, she hands the phone to her husband to talk to the undertaker. The undertaker asks, "So how would you like us to ...

The undertaker asks, "So how would you like us to handle your mother-in-law's remains, burial or cremation?"
The husbands whispers in to the phone, "Both, just to be sure."]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2833#Comment_2833 2007-12-02T19:36:52-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Wendalyn http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=372

My boyfriend is a bad person and after me sharing some of these jokes with him he gave me... What's the hardest part about eating vegetables? ...The wheelchair.

What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?

...The wheelchair.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=2975#Comment_2975 2007-12-02T23:27:26-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 graphicartistx http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=525

This guy and his wife go to a pet store. There is a parrot sitting outside and as the guy draws near the parrot says, "Psst! HEY! C'mere!" The guy walks over and asks the parrot what he ...

The guy walks over and asks the parrot what he wants.
The parrot says, "Your wife is ugly as shit!"
The guy, taken aback, asks the parrot to repeat what it just said.
"I said your wife is ugly as shit!"
Furious, the guy goes into the store and tells the manager what happened.
Taking the parrot into the back room, the manager says he'll take care of it.
Suddenly, the store is filled with the horrendous squawking of a parrot being badly beaten.
A few minutes later the manager comes out and puts the parrot back outside. The parrot, he's a mess. One eye bigger than the other, feathers missing...a mess.
The guy and his wife leave the store, the guy with a smirk on his face.
Again, the parrot says, "Pst! HEY! C'mere!"
The guy stops and says, "What do you want now?"

The parrot says, "Nothing's changed."]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=3036#Comment_3036 2007-12-03T03:41:16-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Danger_D http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1220

three old ladies sitting at a park bench. a man walks over wearing a large trench coat and flashes them. two had a stroke, the other wasent quick enough

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=3147#Comment_3147 2007-12-03T08:31:26-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 cschneid http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=1198

A Rabbi wearing a green wool coat, an Irishman with a large steamer trunk, and an Elephant pushing a piano walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=3320#Comment_3320 2007-12-03T12:32:13-08:00 2007-12-03T12:32:42-08:00 Stitchy http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=125

There's a man sitting at home watching television one evening and he hears a knock at his front door. The man goes to the door, opens it, and looks down to find a little snail sitting on his stoop. ...

Three years later, there's a knock on his door. The man opens the door, looks down and there sits the same little snail.

The snail looks up and says, " Okay, what the hell was that all about!?"]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=3470#Comment_3470 2007-12-03T15:22:56-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 jensen5 http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=985

I'm at this public swimming pool this past summer when the volunteer life guard on duty says to me, "Sir I'm gonna have to ask you to leave?" "Why?" I ask. "Because you peed ...

http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=3715#Comment_3715 2007-12-03T20:29:02-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Sarpedon http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=113

A man is on his deathbed in the hostpital, he's there talking with his wife. He says to her: "When I die, if you ever get remarried, I want you to get rid of all of my stuff." She asks: ...

He says to her: "When I die, if you ever get remarried, I want you to get rid of all of my stuff."
She asks: "Why do you want me to do that?"
He responds: "well, I don't want some asshole using all my stuff when I'm gone."
She retorts with "What makes you think I'd marry another asshole?"

Like so many jokes better when told with good delivery.]]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=3830#Comment_3830 2007-12-04T01:04:33-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 Alexa_D http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=142

I can't believe no one's posted this one yet (perhaps it's a bit too clean for this crowd, but still): Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes ...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes his faithful friend.

'Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.'

Watson replies, 'I see millions of stars.'

'What does that tell you?'

Watson ponders for a minute. 'Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?'

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. 'Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent.']]> http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/comments.php?DiscussionID=80&Focus=4945#Comment_4945 2007-12-05T19:14:50-08:00 2013-05-23T09:53:49-07:00 ian.mcrob http://freakangels.com/whitechapel/account.php?u=967

graphicartistx How did Hellen Keller discover masturbation? Trying to read her own lips... heres another helen keller joke: Why does helen keller have yellow legs?? cos her guide dogs ...

How did Hellen Keller discover masturbation?

Trying to read her own lips...

heres another helen keller joke:

Why does helen keller have yellow legs??

cos her guide dogs blind too!!]]>