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  1.  (8431.21)
    @VietBong

    You have to ask?

    There is so much to laugh at in this endeavor. They stripped the budget and then ended up paying almost as much as originally budgeted! They put it in the marketplace with NO hard-R competition on a Father's Day--the one day of the year men get to do what they want to do, then water it down to PG-13 and remove the whole reason for seeing it. They cast Megan Fox as a prostitute and then kept her clothes on. (News flash: men and boys don't want to pay to see Ms. Fox with her clothes on! They didn't do it for JENNIFER'S BODY.) They tried to sell it as a Western at the same time RED DEAD REDEMPTION came out, which showed everyone what a real western looks like. They tried to sell it as a comic book movie the same time that THE A-TEAM came out, which is about as comic book a movie can be and it wasn't even based on a comic book! It actually qualifies as a weird occult tale and they COULD have sold it as that, since there's no competition for that right now... nah, that would have been honest. It wasn't even the darkest movie out this week; TOY STORY 3 was unbeLIEVably dark! And clocking in at 72 minutes... I like to escape from the heat and eat popcorn too, but at least make me need to get up to pee when the movie's over. MEN IN BLACK II was 88 minutes, and that was over before it started. This movie will be forgotten, but it needs to be remembered as a rare occasion when HOLLYWOOD did everything wrong and got what it deserved.
    •  
      CommentAuthorrickiep00h
    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2010
     (8431.22)
    @fod_xp - that would be The Quick and the Dead, and I loved that one also. The absolutely insane shot of
    The sun shining through the bullet hole in Gene Hackman
    was utter garbage, but it fit into the feel of the movie so well I let it slide. It was just one of those moments my brain went "Oh that's badass" instead of "That would never happen."
  3.  (8431.23)
    The real reason it tanked so hard? It is FUCKING TERRIBLE! Talk about shitting the bed and anally raping a cadaver. I haven't seen a film this atrociously written and directed since The Avengers (you know, the one with Sean Connery in a bloody pink bear suit?). Hex's horse has fucking Gatling guns strapped to it, crossbow hand guns that shoot dynamite and it seems to have been edited by Muhammad Ali holding dull scissors. There's more wrong with this rotten smegma smear of a movie than can possibly be described. But I made an attempt with my very non-paying gig as a film writer for Exclaim! magazine (yes, the one from Transmetropolitan?). If you're curious for my slightly calculated and edited thoughts on this bottled egg fart, that is definitely not even in the same universe as the source material, here's a link
  4.  (8431.24)
    a link? http://www.exclaim.ca/motionreviews/latestsub.aspx?csid1=144&csid2=871&fid1=47410
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      CommentAuthorLBA
    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2010
     (8431.25)
    it had nothing to do with disfiguring Josh Brolin or even adding in Megan Fox, it was just not well written or if the original screenplay was well written it was cut and edited so it made no sense and there was a whole bunch of crap that didn't fit into it, that didn't make sense, that was completely superfluous.

    examples - the mad Irishman with the Maori tribal tattoos on his chin that knew kung-fu - could have been interesting but they never explained him, not even a 2 line explanation at all - he just appeared as a hodgepodge of non sequiturs that made no sense

    the pit-wrestling scene - it's like someone saw the Sherlock Holmes movie and said "We should add that into Jonah Hex, but have one of the wrestlers be like some kind of venomous snake-man who likes to run around on the wall and then bite people, that would be awesome!"

    and "the weapon" I don't know - maybe some kind of even half assed explanation of what the triggering thing was would have been helpful. Even throw out something like "it's golden phosphorous" or something completely bullshit would have made it less annoying.

    the way it was presented was just a hodge-podge of shit thrown together. I'm always hesitant to blame the writer and director because sometimes studios step in and force shit to be added but this was just a disjointed unintelligible mess of a movie - I think it was actually worse than Ghost Rider, and that is saying something.
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      CommentAuthorD.J.
    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2010
     (8431.26)
    Reposting from the Jonah Hex topic:
    The original directors of the films wrote the screenplay, and are the guys who did the Crank movies + Gamer. Not great movies by any stretch, but certainly entertaining action flicks. Jonah Hex is a largely action-oriented comic, and they were clearly fans, so really they weren't bad choices to direct the movie. Then, at some point early in development, they left due to 'creative differences'. This could mean nothing, but it's a red flag.

    The next anyone heard of the movie, they brought on Jimmy Hayward as the director, a guy who's only previous credit is Horton Hears A Who. Again, could mean nothing, but another red flag. Since then Megan Fox has been cast, they've done a bunch of reshoots and some other shenanigans have gone on. Then the trailer comes out and consists almost entirely of poor dialogue and explosions. I had high hopes for the film once. At this point, it's a coin toss as to whether I go see it.

    Oh, and Megan Fox isn't that hot.

    It's turns out those red flags weren't herrings.
    •  
      CommentAuthorTanuki
    • CommentTimeJun 21st 2010
     (8431.27)
    I was hoping this would take it's tone from Joe R. Lansdale's work or Deadwood but it seems they decided to remake Wild Wild West instead. Another lost opportunity.

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