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    • CommentTimeFeb 7th 2008
    Fucking bullshit session timed out, stole my blog entry.

    'You cannot post this entry because you're not part of the discussion or POSTDATA or some bullshit.'


    You want the short can't-let-the-session-time-version? Here it fucking is:

    I left the house last night, like an idiot.

    I went home regretting leaving the house, because I came back with even more doubt and more self-loathing than I had before I got in the car.

    Fuck social interaction.

    Fuck having a social life.

    Fuck having fair-weather friends too far away to be bothered with me.

    My brain is buzzing with too much bullshit to keep track of, and too much time to myself. The insects are crawling out my ears and tearing me apart from the outside in. The ones remaining inside are working their way out through my stomach and eyes and my face make me exhausted, bleary, not-hungry, and aching.

    I. am. tired.

    No, I don't have another story. No, I'm not going to be fine-just-fine. And no, I don't want to laugh at myself anymore, I've laughed so hard at myself I've caused myself to vomit.

    The next time I laugh that hard, I'll hyper-ventilate myself into a state of unconsciousness.

    In fact, I might try that now; I desperately need the sleep.

    I think I hear an insidious chuckle welling up.

    - Z
  1.  (893.2)
    I see a "there-there" and a pat on the head aren't going to work.

    Getting it like this might be a good start though.

    • CommentAuthormunin218
    • CommentTimeFeb 7th 2008
    That kind of laughter I know well.

    Mostly, I find myself in hysterics over how ridiculous it all is, and how much I want to go dig a hole and hide.

    I really dislike people. Well, everyone but most of you people. Heh.
  2.  (893.4)

    It's rough, we all know. But, here on Whitechapel, whenever any of us has our moments, you've been there to be a genuine human to us. So let me just say that we're out here listening and reading you. We're here.

    Go ahead and kick, punch, cry, vomit, whine - whatever you have to do to get it all out or bring it all back in. Put it back together or tear it all apart - anything to come back around to the other side.

    Don't disappear too far down that hole where no one can see you anymore. Like I said, there are people out here listen to and reading what you have to say. We may not know you or ever have net you, but we are people. We're here.
    • CommentTimeFeb 8th 2008
    ..considering I missed two trains this morning sitting on the platform, not caring, I think I really needed to hear that. Thanks, Shawn.

    If this hasn't been the worst week of 2008, it's at least a contender for most soul-draining.

    * * *

    To anyone who does happen to read this entry, know that I considered editing it or deleting it altogether. But I figured that'd be dishonest, and for those of you who do confide in me- not terribly fair, either.

    I'm still here, I'm still listening, just very very tired.

    - Z

    (via mobile)
  3.  (893.6)
    It just shows you are like the rest of us and that you need to vent and let things out too.

    I told you it's your humanity that people respond to.

    • CommentTimeFeb 8th 2008
    Bah. Lies.

    Faulty software. I'll request an update immediately. Should be 100% functional any day now.

    - Z
  4.  (893.8)
    That's me. My only function here is to discredit you for the benefit of the government...

    • CommentTimeFeb 8th 2008
    Pawn. The government made me, and it can <em>destroy you</em>.

    Or did it make <em>me </em>to destroy you?

    I better check on my assignments again, make sure I have an accurate headcount. Don't go anywhere..

    - Z