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    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010 edited
    Tell me what you want

    I want some damn stability in my life. I want to stop living in this constant transitional flux where it feels like I'm going to be homeless by the end of every day. I want to do the thing we're all evidently supposed to do where I become self-sufficient and stop feeling like I'm mooching off of everyone else. I have spent the last four years of my life going from couch to couch to guestroom to floor to closet ( literally, a closet ). I have switched jobs in my twenties exactly 15 times and changed residences about once or twice a year. I've been out of work for about six months and the department store job I seem to be starting this week pays exactly minimum wage which is neither enough to support myself with food, clothing or shelter OR enough to afford to finally break down and get a driver's license and/or save for an automobile, both of which I should have done years ago. With a year and a half to go before I hit the big 3-0, I want my relationships to stop suffering because of my state of perpetually sorry-ass empty pockets and manic depression. They diagnosed me with that years ago and I could never afford the medication, matter of fact I haven't been to a doctor in over 8 years because I haven't been able to afford insurance. Last year, the girl I dated on and off for over a decade, the girl I gave all the expensive jewelry I couldn't afford in the first place but blew credit on ANYWAY left me holding the bag and I really haven't been right in the head since. I want someone to genuinely love me who won't abandon me in my time of need just because things get difficult. I can't go home to my parents, for a list of reasons I can't even begin to name. I'd go homeless like I did for a while in college again, but that's part of the reason why I didn't graduate ( the other part being I completely went into debt ), and with winter coming it's liable to get me killed. I am currently on a friend's couch who wants me gone in a week. I want to stop questioning all of my friend's motives, but after living with several people into very nasty, deadly habits ( read: they sold drugs ), I find it very hard to trust people easily, as people are too easily corrupted. I want to be able to trust people again. I want to not be a dime a dozen, considering there are 40-70 guys over at the local emergency shelter every night who I could easily turn into. I want to scream at everyone on my Facebook who see so little outside of their comfortable, material convenience that I am suffering and that they should care but in reality there are people who have it so much worse than I do that I feel arrogant proclaiming such a thing. I want to be able to trust the crooked cops and politicians who have conspired every day to create a system that puts young people like me, and ten years younger than me, in cages, just for walking around late at night and saying the wrong thing to a person in uniform. But I can't.

    I want to stop feeling so damned helpless. I want my father to not have to continue to bust his ass working for the school system. I want my mother to be able to do her spoken word and her beautiful music and not have to live in a run down, insect infested house. She's performed with some notable people I could name, but why should I? They aren't helping her renovate that house, or co-signing on a car so she doesn't have to walk miles for groceries for my five siblings. I almost wish I could sell my ass for Kanye-money, the "fuck-you" money all of America seems to want, just so that the people I love and care about didn't have to keep getting their asses kicked by life. But what would be the point? I don't need to be rich, nor do I really want to. Too many suffer for the dollar. Life is suffering. Maybe what I really want is to stop having to suffer for the dollar. In America, maybe that's not going to happen any time soon. Maybe I need to start thinking about being somewhere else. But that requires money and resources I don't have. Catch 22. Sigh.

    Oh yeah, and I want some damn headphones, because netbook speakers are awful. And a decent coat might help, it is November, after all.

    tell me what you hate.

    Lately, to be honest, it's the hipster label I keep getting. I can't win for losing. If I like something mainstream or popular, I get accused of trying to like it "ironically", like I am incapable of legitimately enjoying a song, a comic, a movie, whatever it may be, with no hidden agenda of trying to establish some vague, barely defined sense of authenticity that people are assuming I lack due to my appearance. If I tell someone that I like a band's older work as opposed to their most recent radio hit, I get accused of pulling the "Oh, I liked them before they were big", which is too often not the case. If I like something obscure, I get people rolling their eyes. Someone recently pointed out to me the recent phenomena of Twitter and Tumblr causing you to greatly enjoy or love people you don't know and Facebook making you hate people you know. I find this to be exactly right on the head of the nail. I don't get why I get the label. I think it's a useless catch-all people love to throw out whenever they see a fitted trucker hat, a PBR, or a fixie bike ( none of which I have ever owned or tried on my person, natch ). Maybe it's because all of my friends are finally latching onto Scott Pilgrim, and don't exactly know what to make of it given their personalities ( most of them aren't male twenty somethings deep into music and videogames with failed love lives like me ), and having heard the word splashed several times throughout the film, maybe they just enjoy having a term "new to them" to throw at people. However, it's really fucking annoying.

    tell me something filthy, strange and wonderful.
    Well, the BBC Radio 1 Xtra stream is up with Fabio and Grooverider, so that promises to be a bit of all of those things, doesn't it?

    tell me what art you make?

    Well, I have a couple of unfinished novels that I've been thinking about trying to serialize as short fiction. I'm not sure WHERE exactly to serialize them where they'll be seen, is my problem. I'm somewhere between Tumblr and Livejournal. Also I'm writing for a spoken word VS witch haus / chillwave project that I can't talk about too much, but you can hear snippets here:
    ^CAREFUL, there is a picture of a penis there. And apparently is being shut down on Dec.15th because their assets have been bought out by Facebook? I was not aware of this until this moment.

    ( I'm very sorry for the above pissing and moaning. I am aware that this isn't my blog, and I'm usually not so childish and emotional. But I really needed to vent, and feel a little better having gotten it out. )
  1.  (9182.22)
    @dorkmuffin: I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Hugs?
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    @dorkmuffin My condolences, very sorry to hear that.
    • CommentAuthorMono
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    I want a happy life.

    I hate all the people who, in all the ways imaginable
    laugh at other people and make them feel embarrassed, ashamed for trying
    diss their fellow human beings' attempts to do, make, create, perform, dream up things
    state that to try you need talent.

    Fuck them.

    I don't make art.
    I have no art.
    But I sing in the shower
    and I toss words, paint around.

    Because it is fun.
    Fuck talent.
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    Tell me what you want, tell me what you hate.

    Well, I'm in a bit of a holding pattern these days. The massive energy drain of purchasing our house is now almost two months gone, and I'm doing some repairs here and there, but most of my time is spent ferrying people around. My wife to work, my daughter to half-day preschool. I want it to be next year, so my child is out for full days and we have a car that's not on the verge of falling apart. I want to get some sort of productive schedule worked out that I can and will actually stick to. I want to figure out what I want to DO during that productive time.

    My hate list is actually really short. I guess I mostly hate things like having a gunfight break out a local club, having two people die in it, have the police brand it as gang-related, and then having the fucking club owner BLAME THE POLICE because they have a policy against off-duty officers working private security. AND THEN having one of the people that was injured in said shooting get picked up three days later for taking part in a drive-by earlier this month. I'm starting to think the cops here (and the city administration, and the citizenry as a whole) have a "eh, just let them kill each other off and we won't have to deal with it anymore" mentality, and it's slowly driving me insane.

    Tell me something filthy, strange and wonderful.

    Filthy: me. My hair is full of drywall and sawdust from repairs. And also I tried severing my thumb off with a screw gun. So there's some blood around, too. Strange: Curtis Got Slapped By A White Teacher. It starts out with a good point: Curtis got slapped, and that's not funny. But then she starts making demands. Many, many demands. Wonderful: the refrigerator that's been taking up space in my kitchen (okay, the EXTRA refrigerator) is finally, actually, really going away tomorrow. And we're getting money in return for it. No more having to choose between opening the pantry door or opening the basement door. (Bonus Wonderful: my wife works for a certain musical instrument sales company, and Avid--the makers of Pro Tools--finally sent her the "rewards program" gear she earned last year: an M-Audio Axiom 61 MIDI controller. Yay free gear!)

    And, in fact: tell me what art you make, if you make art. Do you write, draw, push pixels, dance, photograph, sew, model, sculpt, weld, sing, hammer, play, design... whatever... tell me what art you make?

    Well, I do some (terrible) writing, none of which is fit for dissemination. I play some (terrible) guitar. The only thing I really feel comfortable about is my photography (Flickr is here), and I don't do nearly enough of that, nor am I nearly good enough in my post work. But hey, there it is.

    And for an image, well, here's one from an earlier SNOM that I sort of like:
      CommentAuthorCameron C.
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010 edited
    My birthday was Thursday. I turned the big two - four. It was a nice day spent with my family (My mother and her husband for lunch, then just me and my two brothers for a few hours, then dinner with my dad and his girlfriend). It was nice (Even lunch with my mother and her evil husband).

    Plus my closest friend texted me that night. We hadnt talked for a while, and she had even blocked me on facebook and twitter. She asked if I was busy today and we were gonna hang out but then she helped a coworker out and took their shift. I hope things get back to normal. Not sure when we'll hang out, but I'm glad we're sorta talking again, at least.

    I miss my friend from the desert. She wants to drive up and visit me, but she's been very sick for a week or two now. I'll see her around thanksgiving, I think, though.

    I dont know. BUT NEXT FRIDAY ME AND A PAL ARE GOING TO SEE MARC MARON. And I find him to be hilarious. I am super pumped for that.

    I poorly doodle comics loosely based on my life, but with robots and stuff. Some people seem to like them. My first issue is cheaper than ever now, and the shipping is reduced. Issue 2 is not available at this time, though (I am super low on copies, and all I have are spoken for, but if you want a PDF/CBR of it I can hook you up). I am in the middle of writing/doodling issue 3, and a short, unrelated comic.

    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010

    I've just returned from a friends' wedding, where the groom fainted on the altar. I suppose that counts for purposes of filthy, strange and wonderful, at least according to some standards. The wedding was lovely, and I once again had an excuse to don a tuxedo, which is always nice.

    HATE: Cynicism of the nay-saying kind, so pretty much what @Mono up there said. Incidentally, it should be emphasized Mono is very much in the things-I-do-not-hate-camp, because Mono is awesome. Also, I missed her party tonight, on account of the aforementioned wedding. Times like these, I wish that cloning/teleportation tech was already in beta. Because, man, I'd be there/there.

    ART: Yes, music still going on here. I'm going to put out another album by the end of the year, as the tour was not a thing that was feasible this year. Need to finish something else then, I figure. I'll probably put demos up on soundcloud, as they develop. Need to read up on a few things before that, too. Like panel grids as a system of time divisions.

    This week's extra hugs go to @dorkmuffin. Condolences.

    Hope this finds you well.
  2.  (9182.28)
    I spent all day designing hair for people, or cutting it, or just plain butchering the shit out of it. Art you could say...but I prefer the term "craft", because I have hated every single person I ever met that was a hair person and an "artist". Generally, people were nice today, at least to me, the others around me had people shouting at them and causing a fuss. People have got to relax a little about their hair, and the ones I work with have to pay a little more attention to detail. Oh Jesus, do something long enough and you become a jaded CUNT.

    Anywho, I am having a nice mug of tea (a mason jar with a towel wrapped around it) and have an aching shoulder.

    In better news, my comic has been promised to be published, and I take some pride in that fact. I just have to remember to fill out that contract. Now! Night.
    • CommentAuthorsnafu
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010 edited
    Good Evening,

    I want a job. I'm still looking. Some interest out there but nothing that makes me sit up and say that's the one.

    I hate no talent suits trying to direct artists. Bad experience with that recently.

    Nothing strange, but had a wonderful experience the other day. There's a very nice path along the coast in Sydney that runs from Bondi Beach to Coogee. It takes about 2 hours to walk. Once a year there is a sculpture show with large installations along part of the path. Some very interesting work this year. Some of it very serious while other pieces tend toward whimsy. Made a morning of it with my beautiful wife. It was a lovely day.

    I animate. I've been doing it for over 20 years. Started in 2d and 10 years ago I made the transition to CG. Some films I've worked on:

    Cool World
    Cats Don't Dance
    Stuart Little 2
    Matrix Reloaded
    Polar Express
    Open Season

    Recently I've been animating less and working as an Animation Supervisor. I supervised on the following films:

    Robert Zemekis' Beowulf
    Watchmen - I oversaw the animation of Doc Manhattan. We also did Bubastis, the sequence on Mars and the destruction of New York City
    Sucker Punch - I worked on the Dragon Fantasy sequence.

    That's my story tonight.
    • CommentAuthorchris g
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    vent/hate/want: I dunno. I hate driving to work, babysitting the same pussified nobody-salesman that I super-duper hate so much it makes my blood boil. and then driving back home or wherever. I really used to like coming in to work to bust my ass when I had to or just relax and scribble the day away. Even our two guys who do the deliveries/truck driving don't work like they used to: can't believe it takes both of them to move a coffee table on their square dolly, and right in front of the fucking boss. No one believes in busting their ass anymore. I feel like a man out of time: everyone around me acts like a pampered pussy afraid to break a sweat or scuff up their hands. Things aren't the same is all I have to say. I don't give a fuck anymore. I'm just showing up for myself so I can get paid :P

    I've been so bitchy and tired and uncomfortable in my own flesh lately. It's made it hard to focus on my comics. I take this as a sign that I don't have what it takes in the bigger picture of things. I created Space Shark to save myself from the b.s. and the boring monotony of the real world but I don't know if I'll truly get anywhere with it. I am grateful and it blows my mind that in that first year of Space Shark I made new friends and people have been so supportive and interested in my creation. Really appreciate that. I dunno, I just miss the me from 2008: staying up until 3 in the goddam a.m. just dicking around and drawing my heart out and having fun. I hate that I can't be that guy anymore. But I am determined to hang in there and keep the Shark from Space going strong. Never give up, never surrender.

    So yeah, the other morning I saw a yucky garden spider when I came out of the shower, so I killed it! Then I looked up omens and found out a spider in the morning means you're going through grief/sorrow, and if you kill it you will bring on rain. No rain yet, but it was right about me feeling miserable. Anyway, good thing I have drinky tonite so I can forget about all the bullshit that wants to weigh me down. I've been meaning to start the next Space Shark as far back as Halloween but I just can't focus anymore and i'm low on inspiration. It's time to go back to The Source.

    Anyway, I'm gonna get me a ticket to see Faith No More this December. My whole life as of 2006 has been building up to this, hahaha.

    This is what I make:

    moar here: SPACE SHARK

    Cheers, you crazy FUCKS. You are my people.

    Dorkmuffin: sorry bout your grandma. I hope I can pitch in enough money to help my mom travel to see her mom again for the 3rd time this year. Grandma is pretty up there and well it could be any day or any year now, ya know?
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    Man, you guys are awesome somethin' fierce. Thanks. This is a pretty amazing community, and the thoughts are really damn comforting.

    @antistigmata, hang in there. That sounds pretty overwhelming.

    And now, bed. For I have work in the morning. Bleh.

    But seriously, thanks guys.
  3.  (9182.32)
    dorkmuffin-I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I lost mine a few years ago, and even if it's expected, it doesn't make losing that person any easier.

    Take care.
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    i haven't done a SNOM in ages! because i don't have the internet at my house, you see, and what could possibly chase me out of my own goddamn house on a saturday night?

    right, what art do i do? i knit, and i sew, and i photograph, and i dress up funny and twirl around, and i make mixes, and i hot-glue, and i'm thinking about putting chalkboard paint on unlikely surfaces, and i used to write but don't really anymore, and i will be lino-cutting again soon, and then maybe i'll record a cover of linda ronstadt's "different drum." can anyone second me on this, how great is that song?

    doing nothing much right now. finished a Buddy Holly biography today; the descriptions of the plane crash were a bit more detailed than i was expecting. not usually the queasy-belly type, so that was weird. also i think my chainsaw is dying, which sucks because i was just getting into the firewood-harvesting spirit, and was about to attempt some rudimentary sculpting.
    • CommentAuthorepalicki
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    I write. Comics, mostly, which I then try to push on you all here and at other places on the web. You can read them here.

    In fact, that's what I'm doing tonight. Everyone else is out in the world, drinking and having an adventure. I'm at home, writing comics.
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    Tell me what you want, tell me what you hate.
    Tonight I want a CISO banana machete and one of Lofty Wiseman's bush knives for my knife collection.
    1. 2.
    I hate that some stupid people think Glenn Beck is clever. And they don't want to believe in evolution. I can't imagine being willfully ignorant. I hate missing people at work who don't miss me.
    Tell me something filthy, strange and wonderful.
    there are more of her in this costume ...
    For some reason, the brunette in this picture haunts my dreams ...
    And, in fact: ... tell me what art you make?
    I design. I can't stop the mental tinkering - I designed this game in 1983 -
    I draw. I paint. Here's the rough I did for the Jeff Hawke piece ...

    Oh - this is me:
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010 edited
    Sorry for your loss Dorkmuffin, I just had a gathering to remember someone extremely close to me who died 5 years ago. It's intensely rough, but I find a large group, some booze, and many, many stories eases it. The stories even more than the booze.

    Tell me what you want: :
    I want a student of mine to get the Rhodes this year; we worked hard his year, and she's a finalist. She's a "change the world" kind of kid, and she'll do great things if she makes it to Oxford.

    I want to hear back from the Here theater about whether or not I'll have a play up there in the winter. It's a been a long road for this one, and it would be nice to see it on its feet.

    Tell me what you hate:
    That I've had many wonderful things happen over the last five years (marriage, job, art, home in Park Slope, Brooklyn), and my best friend didn't live to see any of it. Cold -blooded murder by a jealous internet hook-up is a fucking hell of a thing.

    Tell me something filthy, strange and wonderful:
    Not my thing, but still fits all these descriptions, two of my friends who barely knew each but had to work professionally together on occasion, suddenly, found themselves showing up at a party in the same fetish scene. Just, bang, holy shit it's you! (Damn good thing no one I know in real life is a member of this forum) Filthy: well, obviously. Strange: both are incredibly straitlaced, not a kink visible in either, so it was a shock to both. Wonderful: It helped erase all the "oh my god! I'm some kind of perverted deviant! guilt for both. Now, everyone is comfortable and wonderful experiences abound.

    Tell me what art you make:

    For relaxation, I make music and have recently begun doing some automatic drawing after I was knocked completely out by a rather extensive Unica Zurn exhibit.

    Semi-professionally, I'm a playwright, and that's where my passion lies. I've been a member of a NY theater company for 5 years, and I've had some stuff out there. The most surreal moment of my writing life occurred about a year ago. I had a reading go up in a decent sized Off-Broadway theater, it was the middle of the week with a good sized crowd, and I sat there while they watched Anna Chlumsky (star of the "My Girl" movies, and more recently, an actress doing fantastic work in movies like "In the Loop") play a character who gets terribly, terribly violated in what is without a doubt one the roughest endings I've ever written. I killed many a childhood that night.

    • CommentAuthorStefanJ
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    I'm a freelance writer on the side. I disproportionally value the trickle of money and recognition I get from this. Coming up in a week or two is an actual comics-related item, an adventure for the Villains and Vigilantes role playing game.

    I want more of the energy and confidence to do more of this. Maybe enough that I could break out of the high-tech gold collar worker ulcer factory.

    I really need to stop thinking about the stuff I hate. There's so much.

    I spent a good chunk of the day standing in a light drizzle on a muddy field with soggy socks on. The last model rocket launch of the season. Three or four dads shows up with their kids to launch rockets. Nice to see people enjoying a hobby that doesn't involve sitting in front of a computer. The standing in the rain thing shows real dedication.
  4.  (9182.38)
    I make all the art I can- sometimes I can't stop.

    Current focuses are photography, painting and embroidery. I've also been known to do mixed media, various textile things like silkscreening and costuming, metal work, interior design and block printing.

    ze tentaclez

    First in a series?


    I post progress shots and other junk on, which is where my tumblr feeds.

    As far as filthy, strange and wonderful goes, I find myself falling hardcore for a friend who is much younger. I'm going to the special hell.

    I hate living in Texas, even though I live in the one cool city in the entire state.
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    what i want: a job that has the scheduling flexibility & freedom to do my projects (and possibly will, if funding comes thru for one project i'm involved with!!!) and also to see my family on the east coast more often, but can't afford to do so. bah.

    Dorkmuffin: *hugs* so sorry to hear about your grandmother.

    what i hate: being away from my girlfriend. i'm back in toronto at the moment, as seen here:

    cast & crew

    i guess this would fall under the "art" category, especially since i'm also using my homemade fig rig that i'm holding onto.
    we're filming instructional videos for a literacy program, which is so incredibly fun, compared to the many previous translation jobs i've done (and am in the middle of at the moment)

    strange/wonderful: hm. i've to be up in 5 hours to film the other half of the videos, and already my muscles are starting to ache, ones that i haven't used for a long time. the result of a complacent life. ah, median love, when you're neither young nor old.
    • CommentTimeNov 13th 2010
    I want... stuff: high-end fountain pens, rare coins, precious metals, signed 1st edition books in pristine condition, a small cottage in a not-too-rural rural setting, original art, an army of skanks.

    But I'd settle for having just enough money not to sweat any purchase over $100. Which leads me to what I hate--my low-paying, dead-end government job featuring tyrannical bosses with the collective IQ of a sessile sponge.

    The NaNoWriMo Emo Cosplay girl I met at a write-in Thursday has several disturbing-but-erotic pictures on her website, which is all well and good (hmmm... still in Nano mode... cliches increase word count with little effort) except she's half my age. This doesn't inhibit my inner Fantasy Factory at all, which is working 24/7 to generate inner images which are filthy, strange and wonderful.

    I write with varying degrees of success. I draw, but not well. I paint about as well as I draw. But I'm not too bad with a digital camera:
    Cary & Nansemond, 13/Nov/10