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    • CommentAuthorMathias B
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008
    Some bad movies are just that: bad. They leave you feeling bored, annoyed and robbed of precious time and money. Let's not waste time discussing them. Instead, I'd like to turn everyone's attention to those rare nuggets of crap film- making that are so terrible that they actually become enjoyable, especially when viewed in the company of friends and beer. WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR FAVOURITE LOUSY MOVIES?
    To start things off, allow me to recommend a hilarious action flick from 1986 entitled MIAMI CONNECTION. The brainchild of one Y. K. Kim (who stars,produces and co-writes the amazing story), the film follows a group of "orpans" (as Kim pronounces it) who live together, train martial arts and play in a Tae kwon do-rock band called Dragon Sound. Unfortunately, they become entagled with a drugdealing motorcycle gang and their ninja allies. Lots of bad acting, generic 80's rock, sloppy fight scenes and strange plot turns follow. It's hard to do it justice in words, but I laughed until I couldn't breathe at some of the scenes, in particular a sensitive moment where one of the orphans shares some painful childhood memories; a milestone in poor acting and very, very funny. And how often do you get to hear pop songs about fighting ninjas? If you're into this kind of thing, I truly recommend MIAMI CONNECTION.
  1.  (921.2)
    oh wow, i love terrible movies. im gonna have to think about this one, but for now the top one i can think of is JASON X. i imagine the pitch meeting, and wish it was on the special features-"seriously guys, its jason vorhees-in space. in the fucking future."
    • CommentAuthorradian
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008
    Two rock'n'roll based classics here:

    Wild Zero staring Japanese "jet rock and roll" band Guitar Wolf and their fan Ace. The heroes fight off a hoard of zombies somehow caused by an alien invasion while Ace pursues love with a transsexual girl.

    Six-string Samurai - Russia has nuked then invaded America, the only remaining City is Lost Vegas, where Elvis was king. Once Elvis dies guitarists from all over travel to Lost Vegas to become the next king. The hero is a Buddy Holly lookalike referred to as 'Buddy' who is persued by the grim reaper in the form of a Slash lookalike.
  2.  (921.4)
    I loved Jason X but since I own the entire run of Friday 13th movies my opinion is probably not to be trusted.

    For genuine appalling so bad it's good again fun I highly recommend the following:

    Battlefield Earth - Everything about this film makes me laugh. Everything.

    Boxing Helena - It's like watching a car crash. From the essential conceit to the truly mind numbing execution this is a classic example of what not to do when making a movie. A truly degrading experience for everyone concerned but weirdly compulsive viewing.
  3.  (921.5)
    They Saved Hitler's Brain

    It makes Ed Wood's movies look great.
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008 edited
    Six-string Samurai is INTENTIONALLY that way.
    it is, in fact, a fantastic and wonderful film.

    Switchblade Sisters is an awesomely bad movie.
    It's also an Othello adaptation, about a girl gang and featuring a lot of awesome dialog and glorious cat fight sequences. It's got everything, even a "women in prison" sequence and a hot chick with an eye patch (she's the Iago character, incidentally)

    Tarantino re-released it on VHS in the 90's. Until then, it was like, totally impossible to find.

    switchblade sisters
  4.  (921.7)
    Tough Ninja, The Shadow Warrior: This appears to be at least two different movies cut together into a single film, and none too expertly. In addition, the ninjas do everything we are told that ninjas never do at the beginning of the movie. Also, there may be werewolf-dogs, I can't be sure.

    Vampires V. Zombies: Just watch it, it cannot be described.

    Ultrawarrior: "With great gusto."
  5.  (921.8)
    Mean Guns.

    Every time I flipped through the cable film channels and saw it was coming on, I somehow wanted to watch it. Finally bought a DVD off ebay for $8 that allowed me to break the cycle.
  6.  (921.9)
    I'd have to go for Commando. Thats a really painful for watch.

    For my ribs.

    I'm sure there are loads more... gimme a minute...
      CommentAuthorJon Wake
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008 edited
    The Last Dragon. Because, after all, who really is the prettiest?
    sho nuff
    Sho' Nuff.

  7.  (921.11)
    +1 for Battlefield Earth. Incompetent in all areas of technical filmmaking and narrative cinema. Compellingly , astonishingly bad.

    There's a website called Jobootu's Bad Movie Dimension ( I think) that has a an exhaustive review of it , detailing its faults beautifully.
  8.  (921.12)
    Tank Girl
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008
    I'm a terrible sucker for Independence Day. If it's on TV, I'll watch it, and chances are there will be yet another cliche in it that I hadn't spotted before. There are an awful lot of them. Then there are the lovely logic flaws and plot holes that an eighteen-wheeler could cruise through.

    Another is Blood Diner. Oh, that one is pure gold. One of those body-part-collection-to-summon-a-deity B-flicks. So bad, so very bad, but full of greatness.

    Surely there are more movies in my craptastic crate, but those were the first that came to mind.
    • CommentAuthorabkosher
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008
    Oh man. Great thread.

    I love those super cheesy early '80's American-made martial arts films "Kill or Be Killed" and "Kill and Kill Again." Classic crap.

    The $120,000,000 flop "Hudson Hawk" is awesome: Bruce Willis, Danny Aiello, Andie McDowell, Richard E. Grant, Sandra Bernhardt, James Coburn, David Caruso, and the Boz. Absurd one liners, fantastic musical numbers, a secret sect of the Vatican and the destabilizing of the world economy.

    I very much enjoyed the recent "Smoking Aces" and "Shoot Em Up" which were both pretty much gun/action porn, but then, they knew it, so maybe that excuses them. Nah.

    There's a Jet Li movie called "Evil Cult" aka "Kung Fu Cult Master" aka "Kung Fu Master" aka "Lord of the Wu Tang." Incomprehensible revenge plot , awesome massive battle scenes, gorgeous costumes. Like a Hong Kong wuxia version of the 1980 Flash Gordon without the amazing soundtrack. Give up on the story and enjoy the rest.

    Harmony Korrine's "Gummo" gets a lot of legitimate props - he wrote Kids, it was released in art houses, it has a black metal soundtrack, blah blah blah. It's vacuous gratuitous crap, but it's great to watch and I have an affection for movies that show a segment of the population that's rarely seen in film. "Fuck you rabbit!!" It's also part of the mysterious independent-films-with-weird-rabbits trend along with Sexy Beast and Donnie Darko, all made in roughly the same period of time.

    Finally, "The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh" starring Dr. J, Julius Irving (for those too young or from other countries, he was a famous American basletball player in the 1970's, not unlike the Michael Jordan of his day) who organized a basketball team of oddballs who were all Pisces. I think the Spinners did the title track.
  9.  (921.15)
    WHAT WAITS BELOW, a 1986 (?) epic that should be considered the partially mentally deficient precursor to the descent. with subterranean mullets and sweet technology.

    DOUBLE TROUBLE, from the early 90s, starring the barbarian brothers. some sort of mistaken identity/jewel heist/ moron movie. its sheer gold, wrapped in a cutoff raiders shirt and also featuring mulett-tude

    BLOODY PIT OF HORROR- a 50s italian movie that i only saw one time when i was about 13, but it will stick with me forever. the stuffing was falling out of one of the "corpses"-ideal!

    and of course the i-have-to-watch-this-once-a-year abomination that is the live action, adam west BATMAN. its sooooo perfect in its utter ridiculosity. plus it taught me this "They may be drinkers, Robin. But they are also human beings." whew, im glad bats taught robin that!
    i will try to keep thinking throught the day...
    • CommentAuthorFlabyo
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008
    We used to have a club at work where we'd get together once a month and watch terrible movies.

    Best example I can think of of 'big budget, expensive cast, unintentionally hilarious outcome' is DOA: Dead or Alive. It's coming to something when the game it's based off has a better plot...

    Rock and Roll Nightmare is some rock bands crazy vanity flick, it seems like any other cheesy cheap horror film until the closing climactic battle scene, which is one of the biggest WTF moments I've ever had watching a film.

    But the champion, the undisputed king of 'so bad it's genius' is Demonicus: The Demon Gladiator. It's like a low budget Blair Witch Project. I'm a better actor than anyone in it, and I'm a computer programmer...
  10.  (921.17)
    dude, i have gotta see demonicus now. this thread just got great.
    • CommentAuthorpeteloaf
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008
    I'm on board with Miss and Independence Day.

    It's so entirely enjoyable -- especially Bill Pullman. Best fictional president ever; "Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night!" We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!"

    Haha, I would so elect that fucker.

    Also, all of the Evil Dead movies, especially 2 and Army of Darkness. So shitty, so cheesy, so AWESOME.
  11.  (921.19)
    There could almost be a seperate category of craposity dedicated to movies based on computer games. Howlers every one.

    ( apart from the upcoming Castlevania adaptation, of course. ahem.)
    • CommentAuthorFlabyo
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008
    Problem with movies based on games is that most of them are just bad. Not quite bad enough to be funny and entertaining in their badness, just bad.

    Saying that, the first Mortal Kombat film is actually half decent.

    But the less said about Bob Hoskins playing Mario the better I think.