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  1.  (927.1)
    Living Room Into Bedroom Open


    My apartment building, an Edwardian townhouse in the Hoover/Foster neighborhood of Oakland, California, has some units opening up in it, and my landlord (Mohammad) wants more young, artsy, non-criminal tenants like myself. He's asked me to tell my friends about it, and is offering pretty insanely low rent.


    The Hood: It's the ghetto, no getting around it. A photograph taken down my street could easily be mistaken for a Nat Geo Polaroid of Cuba. Swaying palms and banana trees, colorful old houses, distant gunfire, thumping Lincolns, poorly-concealed drug deals. No sweat. Walk tall, be friendly, and don't take any shit. I've never had a problem. Let me reiterate this: I have never been a victim of crime, or threat of crime, in the six or seven months I've lived on this street. You can ride your bike everywhere, since most of the cities are flat and have bike lanes. Parking is plentiful, and you can see your car from your windows. Nobody here has ever fucked with my car.


    The Pad: Here are photos of the unit I'm moving into. The whole building has roughly this feel, although my new unit does not have crown molding like my current unit does. This building dates back at least a century. We're talking hardwood floors, huge ceilings, gas stove, big windows, crown molding, etc. The upstairs unit next to mine (we share a wall) is an empty three-bedroom and Mohammad is offering it for $1200. The 4-bedroom will probably be slightly more expensive, but not much. I don't have to tell you that this is a hysterically low price. I assume this is month to month, and tenant pays utilities aside from garbage, since that's my deal. I am under the impression that this whole building is also rent controlled.

    At the same time the building is an antique lovely, it's not a foofy renovated condo run by uptight yuppies. I assume that this is Mohammad's ultimate goal for the place, and why he's trying to get respectable losers in here instead of criminals, but we're years away from that yet. So you can (and I do) get away with painting, smuggling in cats and/dogs/whores, playing loud music, sliding around in your socks, whatever. Nobody's going to be cramming passive-aggressive notes under your door, and as long as you pay your rent and don't destroy anything, you get left alone. We're real close to BART, the freeways, all the Emeryville shopping, Rudy's, Pixar, and as many corner liquor stores as you can eat. It's SWEET.


    The Peeps:The one-bedroom next to me just opened up, and I'm moving in there. My friends Diana (fashion photographer) and Clayton (horror painter) are moving into my current place. They are upright citizens in every respect. The four-bedroom under us is currently inhabited by a woman of questionable sanity named Porsche, and her family. Porsche is the building's watchdog. She's always here, she knows everyone, and nobody but NOBODY fucks with the Porsche. Section 8 is probably going to move her out soon, leaving that space open. She may move into the three bedroom, but I'm not sure.


    Oh God, Why Am I Doing This: I have long had a dream of moving all my artist friends into an apartment building where we can borrow a cup of copal in the middle of the night, have riotous photoshoots, share wardrobes, share wifi, and generally live la vida bohemia until our brains run out our ears, or we start getting shows in fancy galleries and can afford a place in SOMA, whatever comes first. Help me live my dweam.


    Conclusions: If you're interested, tell me. If you know someone else who may be interested, forward this to them. I will put you in contact with Mohammad. He will just be happy you are not a drug dealer. I will just be happy you're there.

    With Diana and Clayton moving in, we're nearly tipping the balance of the building population from "thug" to "starving artist", and a few more peeps would put us firmly in the majority. This would be amazing.

    To clarify, I personally am not looking for a roommate. I'm looking to fill this building with stompy art kids so we can occasionally all go to Rudy's Can't Fail Cafe in the middle of the night together, like fucking Christ intended.

    EDIT: forgot email - eliza.gauger@gmail.com
  2.  (927.2)
    Shit, I'm tempted to move myself.
    • CommentAuthorzenbullet
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008
     (927.3)
    Tempts me too, but I got this whole ocean as my porch thing I'm trying to do over here.

    My brother lives in the area, I think he might need a place. He's more of an mechanical guy, so he would be Switzerland in your thug v. arts geopolitical landscape. The beauty of living with him, is he can fix anything.

    I'll pass it along to him.
    •  
      CommentAuthorGypsy
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008
     (927.4)
    Ooooh! Damn it, I wish I could move back out there!!!
    •  
      CommentAuthorSarpedon
    • CommentTimeFeb 9th 2008
     (927.5)
    Why don't I live there? let me know if anyone's doing anything similar in the Boston area. I need a place to live in September. Sounds awesome, I am jealous.
    •  
      CommentAuthorUnsub
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2008
     (927.6)
    I'm having a time out until I can learn some manners.
    It is -45 here in Saskatchewan. If I had a hope in hell of getting through the US border I would be there as well.
    Good luck, sounds like a clever landlord.
    •  
      CommentAuthoratomsk
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2008
     (927.7)
    I live in San Francisco, and if anything happens to my current set-up I'd be totally interested in making the move across the bay. Is there parking? and is the parking somewhat safe?
    •  
      CommentAuthorhowyadoin
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2008
     (927.8)
    as many corner liquor stores as you can eat.

    I dunno, that's a lot of liquor stores.

    Shit, I'm tempted to move myself.

    Yeah, if it were in Canada, I'd give it some serious thought.
  3.  (927.9)
    Bumping this for the Sunday night crowd.
    • CommentAuthorzenbullet
    • CommentTimeFeb 11th 2008
     (927.10)
    Well thank you,
    and,

    Eliza, responses to my offer?
    I'm calling my bro tomorrah.
  4.  (927.11)
    Wordy: Parking is street parking, and like I said, it is the ghetto and there is crime. However, you can see your car from your window, and hear it, and nobody has ever messed with my car while I have been living here. One time someone leaned on my car while they were smoking crack. But the car didn't seem to mind.

    Zenbullet: I'm not sure what offer you mean. Please do pass this on to your brother if you think he would be interested, though.