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    • CommentAuthorDon Kelly
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2008 edited
     (941.1)
    Long ago I drank vast amounts of alcohol at a Long Island dive called Someplace Else. The name appealed to my esthetic; the very same esthetic that had me describing the random piece of Flash inked to my left deltoid as my soul. This poetry yielded a varying scope of sexual experience with an array of quality ladies willing to paddle in my shallow depths.

    The chimes at midnight ring in my ears like Tinnitus some times.

    I shared a table and cigarettes with a friend named Maureen. As old then as I am now, she spoke of disappointment with great expertise. It encompassed all facets of her tales of blown opportunities. This is not a judgement, merely an account of what passed over bad wine and full ashtrays.

    A couple of very bad decisions mark the time we spent together. I will not account for them here. They are the private beginning of a sociopathic descent misplaced in a public forum. I prefer to remember Maureen for her optimism.

    "If I had to do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing," she'd say or slur depending on the hour.

    Really?

    Occasionally, I wax depressively about where I am at 36 and wonder what would I change if I could conference with my younger self. Some days I cannot get out of bed because the world feels too inclement and I ponder what I could have done to belay this grievous hurt. They come less often now, but a quality depression trumps quantity, bringing hours of gridlocked regret.

    This is what I would say to that young man sitting alone on a barstool to help ease his burden.

    There is no secret knowledge. All you have to do is ask.
    Fight harder for Jen and if you still lose her...
    Be nicer to Elizabeth. She really did love you.
    Decide what you want.
    Always, I mean ALWAYS wear a condom. Especially when you think you don't have to.
    There's no need to be afraid. Honestly.
    And, finally...
    Decide what you are willing to shave and stick with that plan. It's a lifetime commitment.

    The sad thing is the arrogant fucker would only want to argue the flaws in my thinking.
    •  
      CommentAuthorZ
    • CommentTimeFeb 10th 2008
     (941.2)
    I have no idea what I could have told my younger self. It's a bit disquieting, really.

    Thanks for this set of entries, btw. Puts my own nonsensical rambling at 2am in context.

    - Z