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  1.  (9644.1)
    Saturday Night Open Mic: So what's going on with you? Tell me something filthy, strange and wonderful. Vent, scream, dance, whisper, jabber like a chimp full of dexies. Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creatures of the night.
    • CommentTimeMar 12th 2011
    Jeez, what a week.

    It's Canadian Music Week here in Toronto and, as I'm sure it's a surprise to many, musicians other than Sarah McLachlan and the scattered remains that used to be the Barenaked Ladies showed up. I've been going to late parties taking pictures of music folks playing and drinking crummy beer. It's fun, but has absolutely tuckered me out. Am taking today as my one and only break for the next little while.

    Earlier in the week I sent an e-mail to my ex, in two-part response to his e-mail in January saying that his heart was shattered in to a million pieces (and what a happy dance-filled day THAT was) and to a mutual friend says to me on how really badly he's doing right now. I sent him a short e-mail, giving him some advice that helped me, well, get over the depression he put me in. Then the rest of the e-mail was devoted to calling him a shitbag and requesting that he never contact me ever again. I don't think it was a good idea to send that e-mail.

    I've also been getting fucked over for some event photography work! Always fun to sharpen the 'ol spear and fight for your money, eh? Yeah. Woo. But on the plus side of that I've got a few paying jobs coming up, so I can eat.

    Tomorrow I'm off to do set photography for the slasher film again. For those who follow me on twitter or facebook, you'd know that I was very pleased with my first shoot on the set and I'm looking forward to the others in the next few months.

    Tonight, I plan on eating some meat, drinking some fine craft brews and watching some of my box set of mental hygiene films from the 40s-70s. A nice, relaxing night! :)

  2.  (9644.3)
    Good evening Warren, Team Whitechapel...

    I'm working on art, occasionally checking on Japan-related news, while avoiding paying attention to the temp roommate hopping through bad YouTube videos. When he steps out, I'll probably catch up on a few episodes of V and Fringe.

    Filthy? The apartment I'm slowly making a dent on, that the roommate has lived in by himself for 12yrs.

    Strange? Debating ideas for a chocolate cherry chili of sorts.

    Wonderful? Watching the first episode of The Walking Dead in hi-def on Blu-Ray this afternoon. While I've seen the whole season, it's absolutely worth the second watch.

    This coming week will be productive, so that makes me happy. I also managed to survive an over-21 sci-fi/fantasy convention without too much visual scarring.

    A recent pic:

    Thank you for your hospitality (and your patience), good sir.
  3.  (9644.4)
    Well, the world seems pretty damn scary at the moment... kind of feeling damn lucky to live in a country that doesn't really have earthquakes, tsunamis, and murderous dictators.

    Not been a great week though - partner has been very depressed and I can't help her - she says things for effect that push all the buttons to make me upset and angry rather than sympathetic, although I've managed to stay pretty measured over the last couple of days. We had been getting on really well and it looks like that's not happening any more. Was meant to be going to see a friend this weekend, also who hasn't been having a great time and is pretty ill, he blew me out, which I can understand but I'm worried about him and don't know when I'll be able to visit. Feel like I'm drowning at work, am off most of next week, apart from having to go to a conference on Weds, but it doesn't feel much like a holiday, more that I won't be there when things get worse. And am starting to fret about money, and what'll happen when mortgage rates go through the roof. Seem to have had a complete optimism bypass.

    But fuck it, still far more fortunate than some.

    Good night Whitechapel.
    • CommentTimeMar 12th 2011
    After two weeks in London (a strange city, that one) I am finally safely in Helsinki (although not yet home), sleeping next to a wonderful lady.

    This is filthy, strange and wonderful.

    Hope this finds you well.
  4.  (9644.6)
    Hello WhiteChapel

    Hanging out with friends this weekend, I needed it. Very much looking forward to putting all of our kids to bed, having a glass of wine, and hanging out in their hot tub for a while! It's been a very stressful couple of weeks between work and prepping for my comps. II'll be glad when the next three weeks are over and I'm finished with all of this crap!

    Take care everyone! Hope everyone has a good week.

    • CommentTimeMar 12th 2011
    Weird week. First part: not so hot. The second part saw my new story getting some love from people.
  5.  (9644.8)
    Well, I'm so great I'm bleeding all over myself.

    Still in the midst of whatever lung-based illness I've had for the past week and a half, which culminated in blowing my nose to the point of causing my nose to bleed all over my uniform while I'm at work. Fuckin classy.

    Also spent all of last week in annually mandated training. Wow was that a blast. Other than the one day at the firing range, and one day of self defense, it was mostly pointless bullshit. Shot %100 at the range, and learned some new self defense moves, so that was worth it. Was unable to get a picture of me in my S.H.I.E.L.D. shirt while at the firing range. Earned some dork points though, somewhere.

    Then after training, I got to spend a weekend moving all of my belongings from the upstairs to the downstairs apartment. Was a lot of work, and setting up cable/internet is getting expensive. And I got to inhale lots of dust & shit, leading to my present state of hocking up blood and phlegm. But at least my week is over, and I can rest. (Yes rest. Because tomorrow is the one day of the week someone WONT be working on the construction NEXT DOOR to my house).
  6.  (9644.9)
    I'm out on a Saturday, which is pretty rare. In a bar, which is where I tend to end up when I do go out. At an honest-to-gods Battle of the Bands, my brother should be playing 3rd or 4th. The first band is on now, they're not bad, actually, but the mic levels are a bit off so I can't tell you what they're called. Things are about as close to well as they've been in just about as long as I can remember. Now the band is talking about God, and have told us they're praying for us, with guitars I would assume.

    Mobile Flickr is not co-operating, so, sorry, no picture.
  7.  (9644.10)
    It's been an interesting day.

    I woke up this morning with an ache in my side that turned into incredible pain, pain I recognized as a kidney stone: My fourth. Three hours of agony followed, until I passed the damned thing. Much of the rest of the day has been spent recuperating, although I had some quality time with the family, too.

    I also started packing for c2e2, and I wrote most of the script for my next comic-book project. It's a five-page crime/noir tale that I may self publish or submit to an anthology. Titled DAILY GRIND, it's pretty good, if I can brag a bit.
  8.  (9644.11)
    Evening all or in my case, almost mid-morning.
    Spending my Sunday morning volunteering at community radio. Archiving Cds is kinda boring but someone's gotta do it.
    Instead of going out last night, finally finished roller derby project and got to do a quick DEO for kicks. I just need to deliver it and get paid. A little spending money and some exposure(hopefully). Another community radio poster should help with that as well. Not sleeping too much but did get to draw much more this week so that works out alright in the short term. Aw heck, I'm getting outta the station and spending my Sunday arvo, dammit!!! Gourmet Burgers and comic book in my immediate future. Draw more later...
  9.  (9644.12)
    What's going on: Last night I had called the guy and set up a walk on a pretty trail for Sunday but things got mixed around and we ended up at a coffee shop this morning instead. And I've realized that we wouldn't wouldn't work well as a couple due to the generational gap. And different personalities, I suspect. He doesn't think much of computers or the internet for starters. So that's that.
    Something filthy, strange and wonderful: I finished the hardest bit of my drawing, which I suppose isn't that exciting, but take what I can, eh? Oh and I'm watching the special features on Hellboy 2. I should finish that drawing. I suppose a self portrait would be nice. I suspect my post is a more boring one.

    • CommentTimeMar 12th 2011
    We're taking the week off, driving from KCMO down to Dallas tomorrow morning to visit friends and family. It is much needed and well deserved.

    Other than that, I'll share the following, which happened a few weeks ago:

    For the last week or so, our cat Beatrix hadn't been eating and was quickly losing weight. She was clearly dehydrated even though she was drinking water, so I took her to the vet on Tuesday. They examined her, checked her glucose levels for signs of diabetes (negative), and told me that the next step would be a round of blood tests to determine what was wrong, along with a few nights where they'd have to keep her and try and rehydrate her. It would be $120 for the blood tests, and about $180 a day until she was rehydrated. But, the vet told me, this would maybe buy her a few more months at best since it was most likely kidney failure. Apparently 50% of cats her age (she'd be 19 in May) die of kidney failure, and even if she could somehow be cured, she'd have about as much chance of making it another year as a 95 year old man would.

    So we had a choice to make: Spend lots of money and put her through all of that to buy her a few more months, or euthanize her.

    Even if we had the money (which we don't) we didn't want to put her through all of that, so we decided to go ahead and put her down before she got any worse. Which really is the most awful part about it, having her put down when she seemed like her normal self, albeit a lot skinnier.

    We spent the rest of the day with her, brushing her and telling her what a good kitty she was. We let her outside to roll around in the grass and enjoy the sunshine. Then we took her back to the vet.

    It was horrible, I feel like shit about it, and I miss my cat. I think I'm taking it harder than my wife, and she's had her since she was 7.

    I love you Beatrix. You didn't take shit from anyone, and you were my favorite. Rest in peace.
    • CommentTimeMar 12th 2011
    On the down sides, work has sucked lately and we had yet another layer of snow on Friday. On the up sides, my granddaughter is in for the weekend (3.5 years old, cute as a button, and knows it). She's just gone to sleep, so I'm curling up with Jasper Fforde's latest, two fingers of bourbon, and some jalapeno-laced choriso.

    Oh, and I got 175 points on one word in Scrabble: used all seven letters to spell 'disciple' across two triple-word scores. Gotta be a personal best.
  10.  (9644.15)
    Hi guys.
    I imagined I would have something interesting to say by now; but I don't. Simple, pathetic complaints about what I fear is impending stomach flu, a toilet that's water-pipe thing leaks, and dull unease that I will loose friends because I am getting an ipad2, and they are not. Sickness always brings out the worst in me. A snappish temper, and old, dull fears.
    My state's entering a state of economic emergency, which makes me wary- apparently our governor (Should I call him King now?) can do pretty much anything he wants now if he says its to help economic recovery. Lots of people believe he will somehow magically fix everything. I'm wary of those who offer quick fixes and like to play the blame game. It usually doesn't end up really fixing anything; certainly not for the middle and lower class.
    Unfortunately most people up here don't realize what social bracket they're in, and are easily herded toward lunatic fanaticism. Tea Party Country, Afterall. And oh, how eagerly they believe the lies whoever yells the loudest says.
    I wonder how I didn't end up like them.
    How I ended up such a freak, an outlier.
    It's like getting used to winter. I never really learned to enjoy it as my peers. Just tolerate the snow, knowing that summer will come.
    Shouldn't I be used to the chill and the snow by now?
    Shouldn't I be used to the idiotic banter of locals, and their mind numbing hatred of anything Not Like Them (or at least perceived as being not like them).
    I don't know how I ended up the way I did.
    I don't know why.
    Questions flicker in my fever-addled brain; but there aren't any answers.
    At least I'm not barfing at the moment. Small mercies, I guess.
    • CommentTimeMar 12th 2011
    What a week. Somehow I've ended up taking on a chunk of Japanese grammar to master, a voice acting class in the midst of working actors, and I'm stage managing a cabaret all this month. I usually have nothing I must attend to Mon-Fri, 9-5, however that's when I have to work hard at home to keep my life organized and juggling all this shit. I want to do all this, really, I just didn't anticipate it all showing up at the same time.

    And then there was the megaquake in Japan and I completely lost my focus and motivation as I couldn't tear myself away from the news for nearly a whole day. Luckily last night I had plans with friends that were long in the making and that forced me out, forced me to smile and forced me to chill. Yet still, I listened to the latest news about the nuclear reactor in Fukushima and I felt like I had no right to be happy.

    Well... but I am. I'm doing things I'm proud of and finding my capabilities and I'm glad. I had to learn to chill after Katrina hit and I couldn't sleep for days. The disaster isn't about me so it doesn't matter what my response is one way or another, but my life is about and if I give up time and energy to being down and hopeless. (In the wake of Katrina I put together a benefit show; these days I simply don't have the funds for it and, well, I'm already working on a creative project built around upheaval and roads unknown.) So I've given a little to the Red Cross, reviewed my emergency kit and hugged practically everyone I've come in contact with.

    So I've studied Japanese (big scary test earlier this week, sensei commended me on my fine grade...which if she doesn't grade on a curve was a I know I still have a long way to go). I got a lot of material organized for the cabaret, including typing up the setlist because the director recreating whole cloth every night with a sharpie and blank paper is lame; I've put together the contact list for the performers and made sure the rehearsal dates are final. Embarrassed to note that I left all of my prep/homework for my voice class to a couple of hours before class today. But it worked out well, even the copy that I wrote by myself (having never written copy for voice) for a project that is very difficult to describe, flowed fine when I read it in the soundbooth. My teacher complimented me on my "storytelling" voice which she said is my "NPR voice." It's good to know what sounds right for my voice because on my own I just wouldn't know how to cast myself. Ignoring that I don't sound to me the way that I should and that leads me to hate my voice, I don't who/what I do sound like and thus I don't know exactly how/where I should try to get work.

    If I knew how to post/link MP3s I would *totally* post a couple things from today's work. I really loved what came out. Though on second thought I should probably check with my teacher. One teacher says to post the MP3s he sends us, and another says, no absolutely not. But of course the content and context is different in each case. Hm. Anyway. I really liked the work I did today and I sincerely feel I'm getting better with every class. While I don't think it's pro level, I wouldn't know what to listen for in my own voice to determine when it is. And of course it feels like everyone else in the class is already at pro level and just doing top notch work that barely needs any improving. (There's a 23 year old chick who is going to be making serious money before the year is out if she decides to stick out this VO whim. She has sick natural talent on every conceivable level. I hate her and I want to be at her side continuously, studying her and just watching her do her thing and be her standing ovation day & night.)

    It's a weird twisty dance I'm doing of pain and joy. I don't understand how this can be, but here I am, both crush with sorrow and full of joyous hope. Like nothing else, it's a filthy, wonderful and strange feeling.
      CommentAuthorPaul Sizer
    • CommentTimeMar 12th 2011
    @LokiZero: I just had to do the same thing a few weeks ago. You did the right thing. It IS hard. Those two things are true.
  11.  (9644.18)
    @LokiZero - I'm sorry for your loss. I'll have a drink in Beatrix's honor this evening.
    • CommentTimeMar 12th 2011

    in preparation for writing this post, i logged into online banking, did a search for the last SNOM i posted in, and looked at myself in the mirror. conclusion: nothing much is up.
    started some projects, did some circuit-bending for kicks, mostly just cleaned/sorted/filed. did my taxes. worked intermittently. i'm on shift all by myself tomorrow, which means i have to make an audio cable tonight so i can plug my ipod into the mixer, because if i have to sit through eight lonely hours and nothing but generic classic rock i will probably quit.
    i will, however, mention that a few night ago i had a dream, and someone from Whitechapel was in it! not going to name names (because, you know, that would be creepy) but i will acknowledge that there was some definite flirting goin' on. (see, this is what happens when you let people post videos in the SPIT. have we learned our lesson?)
    we're housing a neighbour's dog for the weekend, a seven-month-old german shepherd who is massive and has boundless energy. i should've taken the opportunity for a multi-hour walk today, but my allergies are acting up, so i brought him home after a half-hour and benny'd myself out. i feel kind of cruel keeping him cooped up, but it's a good reminder of how i'll never consider myself capable of having pets unless there's a farm or forest in which they can roam. i'm always surprised how bitter i can be about big dogs in tiny apartments.
  12.  (9644.20)
    So, on Valentine's Day I went out and got myself slightly drunk and decided to record a video self-portrait for the SPIT, but due to drunkenness rambled on a bit longer and more personally than should ever be posted there. But anything goes in the SNOM, right? So here it is (there's an edit about three minutes in because there was a chunk that didn't seem safe even for here):
    Drunken Whitechapel Hello
    (apologies to Zo, Ales (especially if I've butchered your name), and Mer). If you watch it in HD you can see one of my gray hairs.

    So that's what happens when I'm drunk now. I used to always laugh and find everything funny when I was drunk, and now I just break down crying. And that sucks, because nobody wants to be around the weepy drunk. After St. Patrick's I think I'm going to give up drinking altogether, which kind of sucks because I do enjoy the occasional drink, and I enjoy the places where I go to have them.

    Last week I went to the Edwardian Ball in LA and took a bunch of pictures. And of course since, as mentioned in the video, I am spectacularly shy and awkward I was unable to say hello to Meredith or Nadya Lev. I took rather a lot of video as well, but I hadn't calibrated the microphone properly and all the audio was blown out and horrible, so they were all useless.

    I've also decided to try being a vegetarian for a month or so. All the foods that I tend to associate with eating meat I think are largely responsible for my consistent inability to actually lose any fucking weight, so I hope that by cutting meat out altogether for a while I might break the habit of eating the other things and maybe actually start losing weight (and then maybe I can work meat back into my diet).

    And I'm moving in April, thank Christ. I wish that I were moving now, but I agreed with the future roomie that I'd move in April 1st. It can't come soon enough, frankly. I can hear the guy renting one of the spare rooms in the house snoring over the sound of my computer, which is no mean feat, and I get woken up every fucking day at around 5:30 when he gets up and showers. Couple that with how the house is now for some reason infested with earwigs, my constant depression and headaches, my mother listening to that same fucking ABBA album over and over again and I feel like I'm going to kill either myself or someone else.

    [edit]Totally forgot: I sort of started writing again. I shat out a 1600 word essay on 'Cinematic Gameplay' and how it's killing game design on Monday and Tuesday night, just because it was in my brain and I wanted it out while it still had some semblance of structure and coherence. I can't actually do anything with it, since I spend a chunk of it criticizing a game that hasn't been released yet that I worked on, plus various conflict of interest issues due to my current job, but it's the most I've written in one go in years. Now I just need to finish the novella that I started years ago (and revise it significantly), and maybe work more on another thing that I was writing before that. And then maybe look into this Kindle self-publishing thing, just for the hell of it.

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