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  1.  (9692.61)
    DavidLejeune - you, me, and OdaElisabeth should start a club of agonizing doom-heart that refuses to die.

    Andre - Good GOD man, if only you were an bit older, I'd be absolutely a-flutter. I've got quite a thing for a man (or woman! yowza!) who can wear a clean shaved head well. You, my friend wear it.

    Greasemonkey - I don't want to live if I can't see either. Good luck.


    I went to a hush-hush art thing tonight and saw the awesomeness that our own Glukakke helped create. Unfortunately, I missed the Crumb exhibit opening yesterday, and the last weekend of the Houdini exhibit this weekend. DAMMIT.

    This week at Crappy Jersey Univerity, one of my fellow students expressed her starstruck joy of the recent discovery that the infamous "The Situation" lives a few doors down from her. In fact, they tan at the same tanning salon. New Jersey, you really aren't making it easy for me to defend you.

    Somehow, I've failed my philosophy midterm. I'm drowning in my classes. My psychologist has been ignoring my lawyers requests for my Disability hearing. The Lyme Disease is creeping back, and my joints are in rough fucking shape. Stairs are my nemesis.

    Meh. I mean, that's all rather bad, but... I'm not dealing with family, nor being lashed to weird and emotionally barren pseudo-romance. I'm free of these old familiar albatrosses of woe-trigger for the first time since... 2004? So even if I were failing at EVERYTHING I'm attempting right now, I'm still doing fucking awesome.

    I'm working on gathering together an outfit so I can attend the Doctor Who Dr. Sketchy's as Jo Grant. I've totally got her mullet at the moment. My original idea was to dress up like the chick from Carnival of Monsters, but I feel I'd need a fellow compatriot to dress up with me for that to work. As Jo, however... I guess I shoudl strap a radioactive slug to my back? or carry around cubes of tofu?

    I bought the turquoise ring today. I need a few more.
    Jo Grant

    I need GoGo boots.
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2011
    @ rachel tyrell - or pose naked with a dalek. *years of therapy*
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2011
    All right, mental regurgitation time! Another voice over class. More brilliance learning times. Yes. Class mates are disgustingly talented but I pulled out a few rabbits, oh yes I did. And I think it's because I wasn't meaning to. My brain just wasn't in the game today and so I tossed off a few things and just hoped they landed without crumpling or burning. I had tech week this week so everything in life took backseat to getting a play on its feet. It was crazy. I never completed the script. The director wrote everything in between the songs and things (it's a cabaret); the final version (still missing two speeches) was completed the day before we opened. That's where my head has been and I have a zillion other things I need to be attending to but it's impossible and as much as I admire the director's vision, his willingness to eat up all this time and attention was somewhat disquieting. I hated dressing today. Fat, after a fat week in a fat year. I hate this. I hate that I don't have time to deal with it. I must must must get back on the exercising & reasonable eating track ASAP but there are 082340892 hurdles. I keep telling myself to take small bites in life and not demand to be able to down the whole meal in one go - I won't jump to expert in anything, first the classes then the practice then the stabs at professionalism until someone takes me seriously and go from there. But I want it all right fucking now and it pisses me off that I can't have it. I hate being all fat and I hate just starting out in voice acting and I hate that I can't make a living at theatre and I hate living with my parents an hour's drive from all my friends - and life - in LA. Oh and can I just skip to the part where I speak Japanese fluently?

    Well the VO class was awesome and it's in no small part because my teacher is a genius at kicking me out of my own head and preventing me from over thinking things. I'm so fucking good at that. I feel that I can only do a good job when I can hold onto what I'm doing with both hands. But when that's a performance I end up throttling the poor thing instead of setting it free. But I did a piece for a wine commercial and my brain was so fried I couldn't think of much so I decided some booze hound woman giving advice - Megan Mullaly in Will & Grace or Christine Baranski in Cybill. People laughed good and hard and the teacher loved it so I guess that's an ace even though I just tossed it off and still can't tell what was so great about it. Another piece I just read straight. Of all things, it was a Forest Lawn spot (cemeteries). The teacher told me it was due to my gothiness and I could just bring all my darkness to it. Which, if she had told me on a day when I was more conscious would likely have led me to completely fucking it up by trying too hard. But this time I dialed up feeling required to go to my uncle Roy's funeral last winter - someone whom I was never close to - and listening to his daughters praise him as a warm and playful man. Basically, I never knew the man they were talking about. And the shit the copy was going on about was hard to really get on board with in any straight way. So I just rattled it off while internally musing on my dad's dead older brother, the one about whom even now my dad just can't say nice things.

    Yeah. I give up. I don't think I can't quite capture just how weird it was. But they liked the work... The play was tight and crazy tonight. Things didn't work right but the moments were much sharper. I love that people are walking out saying that it was a bit dark and depressing but they just couldn't help laughing and grooving to the music. They constantly remark on how weird and surreal it is. Well yes. It's a cabaret. That was rather intentional. Somethings can only be explained in musical numbers with foamcore puppets and commedia makeup & costuming.

    Ought polish off my wine and meander towards sleep. Last show is tomorrow and I simply must get some Japanese done. Monday we start set build for another play. Also I have to learn Audacity and start recording myself at home so I can practice more consistently. And I have to work out every day until I lose thse fucking 60 pounds that crept up on me just have my hating the sight of myself. And I have to do more art. More more more. All at once. Right now. I can do that right?

    @Greasemonkey - I'm thinking supportive things, knocking on wood and beseeching the universe on your behalf. Eye stuff if goddamn scary no matter how it works out and blindness fucking blows.
  2.  (9692.64)
    Just got to work... played hooky on Saturday because Friday night a friend dropped off free tickets for me and the girl to see Devo. So we did that, and had much whisky. So there's that.
    • CommentAuthorOda
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2011 edited
    Friday night I went out dressed up as Geri Halliwell, union jack dress and all. Theme of the party was "come as you were", and I was always a huge Geri fan. Saturday morning I woke up covered in absinth and lots and lots of paint, all the colours of the rainbow. This local celebrity I know crashed the party for the people who work at the place where I do lights. And since he'd been drinking since 8 in the morning, he didn't get to buy anything, so I had his card all night to buy us everything we wanted. He was thrown out when he tried to urinate in my purse. I had to get him home to avoid him being picked up by the police, so to show his gratitude he had me drinking absinth from the bottle. I remember the feeling of acryl paint on my hands. Apparently we've used up five canvases. And then we used his apartment as one. And then each other. I've showed up at a friend's after party at six in the morning, more blue in my face than a thousand picts. Aaah.

    So Saturday I spent on damage control and Guinness and food and then I went home to an early bed. Because hell-o I am wrecked.

    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2011
    I built a goddamn forest into the back of a moving truck, drove it to an abandoned stretch of Brooklyn and had people sit around our LED campfire telling Scary Stories (tm), eating marshmellows/chocolate/graham crackers and generally relaxing in the 25 degree weather.
    After a few hours, we kicked everyone out, drove off and within an hour managed to clear out the whole truck to look like nothing had happened.

    I live for these memories.

    I just wish most of them didn't involve fucking 25 degree weather.
    • CommentAuthorFan
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2011
    Greasemonkey - I don't want to live if I can't see either. Good luck

    My Dad once said the same. He died at the (early) age of 77: lived well enough to die quite young. He couldn't play ball games any more, glaucoma having taken his peripheral vision, nor drive, but he was still reading and walking etc.

    I don't think I agree. Practicing Tai Chi, sometimes with my eyes closed, I'm sure there's more to being than visual sensations (though these may seem to dominate when your eyes are open). Without being able to 'see' I expect I would still be able to read and write (with a computer); get around; work, perhaps (as a software developer); exercise, cook, live independently.

    Also, JAZZ HAND!


    Biking's been a lot of fun these last few weeks in Toronto. When you bike you make heat, so with only a light winter jacket you can't get cold even with the wind (and gloves, and maybe knee warmers). So: you can bike through snow, or rain, or night; it seems impressive if you've never done it, but it's not difficult. Just have to avoid ice (and beware of traffic, and prefer disc brakes when it's wet).
    • CommentAuthorDarkest
    • CommentTimeMar 27th 2011
    Down and to the left.

    Have been filling in paper work for Diamond, it's getting exciting being this close to opening sort of. Surprisingly little to do at the moment.
  3.  (9692.69)
    @Fan - in my case it's the central fine vision that's going. Macular degeneration can ultimately lead to complete blindness, but there's treatment available. I'm not giving up hope just yet.

    Also: biking in Toronto. Definitely. After coming from Sydney, Australia, where only the suicidally reckless commute by bicycle, I'm looking forward to buying a decent KHS and going riding around the city. It's also nice and flat here, compared to Sydney's mountainous hills.

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