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    • CommentAuthoricelandbob
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2011
    morning everyone. (Thanks Warren for this thread. Leaves the prerequisite sacrifice near his doorstep....)

    This week as been... well it's not a very good week overall.I spent the first few days walking around in a state of partially concealed unease and fear. I get this from time to time. A high level of anxiety, mixed with depression that i end up thinking will manifest into some form of horrific health problem (kind of similar to what they were doing in the film "the Brood" i suppose.) The last time this happened (8 months ago), i ended up going to hospital convinced i was having a heart attack but It turned out i was having a full blown panic attack. so when i started getting what i thought was pains in my chest and a sick feeling in my stomach on Monday and Tuesday, i though "oh god. It's happening again!". Luckily i had managed to calm myself down and chill out a bit by Wednesday.

    But that evening i get some text messages form my brother saying "call mum. NOW!" When i did, she tells me the news straight out.

    She has lung cancer.

    she's been having chest problems for nearly a year now and while they were doing tests, the doctor said something along the lines of "Hmm that doesn't look quite right". Some more tests and they found a rather big lump in her left lung. At the moment they don't know how advanced it is but she had a biopsy on Friday and will call us on Tuesday to tell us what the plan of action is (either cut it out, or if it's spread to the lymph nodes, Chemo).right now she's pretty calm and cool about it all. So am i and my brother i guess. Our family being Northern and Scottish folk, we tend tend to be rather stoic and hardfaced about this kind of thing. It's there, it needs to be dealt with, end of story. It's starting to freak Sigga out a bit as her family would get all weepy, howling and melodramtic at news like this. Mind you though my dad had cancer twice (or the mouth and throat), but that was mainly caused by his alcoholism, so it's something that's not that scary for me.

    So The rest of this week has been a little bit of a numb blur to be honest. Kind of retreated into going to work, listening to music, stroking the cat, hugging sigga (while annoying her at the same time). To cheer both ourselves up, i Took her out last night for a meal, some drink and a burlesque show to cheer her up. It's been the first weekend we'Ve had together for nearly 2 months now. It felt great for a change.

    Well that's enough self pitiful whining from me.

    Robin - Sorry to hear about your Granddad, but your hair looks lovely.

    Risto - we´ve all been there (to a greater or lesser extent) and the pain is real and it sucks, but hang in there. It WILL get better, that i can promise you of that.

    Alistair - Hang in there man. The feeling as if you're losing your control/grip on your surrounding and society is strong, but try to hang onto the basic level of interaction (work/friends) and try to do simple outdoor things that don't require you to do anything (like sitting in the park and just doing nothing for an hour) and you can find that the level of control you can exert on your surroundings will start to return.

    Jon - I hope you and the missus will be able to find a way to work this one out.

    And for everyone else. Love and Kisses and stuff. I'm off to have a cup of tea....
    • CommentAuthorErisah
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2011 edited
    * say hello
    You can't hear it (unless you have the hearing of Golden Age Superman... can you IMAGINE the headaches) but I just did.
    * show me your face

    * tell me what you did this week
    My life is somewhat dramatic lately. I'm in honours year, so I'm supposed to be starting to get my shit together so I can write my thesis. I spent the last two months asking my work to give me a few less hours, because fulltime study plus 25+ hours of work per week was driving me somewhere east of Insanity. Meanwhile, the latest episode of my Family Soap decided to involve Shocking Revelations. My little sister was on suicide watch. My father's response to this was to tell her she was attention seeking, my mother's response was to say that it was all my Dad's fault, and my brother's was to (successfully) stay out of it.
    Guess who had to pick up the pieces and play counsellor and informant to three of the above?
    This week though, things had improved. Work finally cut my hours down, I was told I was doing pretty okay in the study area, and the family crisis went back into dormant mode.
    And then I got sick.
    My boyfriend told me that if it was the nineteenth century, he'd have to fight Byron off me. Apparently I'm rocking the consumptive-pretty look. Got the cough to match. Whoo fucking hoo.

    * accept me into your heart as your one true god

    I almost religiously read your work. Does that count?
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2011 edited
    @ taphead

    Sorry to hear about that, dude. Going through the same thing right now. Being around friends and lovely ladies does, indeed, help.

    This cheers me up a lot too:

    • CommentAuthorFlabyo
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2011
    Seem to have spent a lot of this week at various peoples leaving drinks. Got another one coming up on Thursday, only this one sucks cause it's my regular midweek drinking buddy who's leaving. He's had enough of 'big team corporate owned' game development and is setting off by himself into the path of independent game development. He still lives locally, so hopefully I'll still be able to drag him out for midweek beers from time to time.

    I still don't have the self-confidence to bail from the secureness of working as part of a big team. I've developed into something of a specialist now (game AI and simulation), and that means my skills in other areas of gamedev are ridiculously rusty. It's a fear I guess, I don't think I could hack it on my own.

    Work itself is pretty decent since I switched to the other team. Going to be quite busy, should have something decent to show in a few months at least so won't have to keep it secret what I'm working on for much longer.
  1.  (9747.45)
    I just got back from a car boot sale. Me and my girlfriend made £70 and her apple and cinnamon muffins were a great success. £20 of that will be going on a massive chinese takeaway tonight. I am now fucking off for a nap.

    I'll show you my face another time Warren, I swear I'm getting uglier by the day at the moment.
      CommentAuthorcity creed
    • CommentTimeApr 10th 2011
    Not feeling very face-y today, here's a kinda recent one,

    This week I've been stirring pots.
    I have a lot of pots to stir.
    For a friend's 30th birthday yesterday we ate enough curry to summon an elder god and laughed until the pain was too great and we wept. I haven't laughed like that in what feels like a long long time. Just hours on end locked up and rocking uncontrollably then urgently hooning for breath before the next bomb drops. The food was incredible and in reckless quantity. We ordered 5 naan breads and our waiter knowingly advised against it. "They are very big naan breads," he smiled nervously. I looked him in the eye, "Then we will dine in the shade."

    Convalescing with pilsner in the nearby boozer's beer garden afterwards (summer!), we were serenaded unsolicited by a suave Brazilian fella with a guitar, who turned out to be one of these guys. According to the quaint local custom demanding that all outsiders be greeted first with passive-aggressive hostility, we battled through the haze of laughter-induced idiocy and naan bread coma to show willing, "Brazil eh? So, have you just come to Glasgow to meet women?" We couldn't stop laughing for long enough to be properly unfriendly though and they were good guys, we ended up taking them to a party.
    Right now my guts feel like I've spent the last 48 hours doing sit ups but still somehow as though I've released a massive weight of tension inside my brain.
    Exams are coming over the next 6 weeks, I need to do well to keep the options I want open and I've been getting stressed about it. Needed a good chuckle.

    @ all the chapelers struggling themselves, just keep being good. You do it so well.

    oh right, the god thing. sure.
  2.  (9747.47)
    Greetings Overlord and his underthings

    Back at work. Mixed feelings. Great that there wasn't a US Gov't shutdown, disappointed my short vacation is over. Glad to be sure of getting paid.

    Had to scare off some big Cuban guy who came by looking for the previous resident of my apartment (who is currently in jail). Chased him off, didn't grab the baseball bat this time. Tired of people knocking on my door looking for their former drug dealer. Find a new one, Christ.

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