Not signed in (Sign In)
  1.  (9925.1)
    Let the record show that Warren is still very much our host, patron and overlord at this time. And long may it last.

    My ego is grateful for the welcome (thanks!), and my arse has ingested so much blown-smoke I could cheerfully open a boutique meat-preservation service, but The Transitional Period (TTP) has not yet begun. (I note that the supermoderators have dubbed me “Bat Spurioso”, not yet “The Goddam Bat Spurioso” of legend, and by such things do I Know My Place.)

    I’m decloaking a little at a time, that's all, partly because every good stripper knows the art’s in the pace, and partly because my life is a Chaos of failed routines, undeclared hangovers and sudden slothful decisions to fuck off down the pub with an impenetrable reference book, and it’ll take me a while to achieve Regular Whitechapel Orbit. I’m pleased to report that my insulating heat-tiles, which are magnificently decorated in Mandelbrot-cum-paisley*, are faring well so far.

    As TTP eventually does get underway, I’ll probably start poking around in your collectibrain for Good! Weird! Things! that you, I, and others, can bring to the community. I’m keen that the present vibes – and with them the familiar faces – don’t get at all fuckled by some abrupt tsunami of change. It’s more a case of identifying the stuff we all like doing, then Doing It Lots, plus conspiring to rubbersheet more unsuspecting users into our supermassive entity. Fnaar.

    So howzabout this for a starter? I wish to eventually establish myself as your chosen backstreet re-up merchant of delicious, addictive, online and FREE comics. According to Avatar’s devious plans Mondays will feature heavily in that scheme, although perhaps not in the ways you might expect.

    So let's get the ball rolling. To ease just a little of your pain, in the long wait for Freakangels, here’s a self-contained story I wrote a year or two ago, which has been cluttering up my blog for a while. It’s nothing to do with Avatar – it was collected in a recent “Dark Horse Presents” anthology, apparently – but it’s some good creepy fun, as drawn by the magnificent Chris Mitten, and it’s the least I can give you in gratitude for the welcome.

    Make clickshit HERE to eye-eat it, and apologies to those who've seen it before.

    (*I typed that on a random whim, as is my wont, and would've deleted it straight away if it didn't inspire an instant unhappy brainscene, involving a horrific homophobic Presbyterian Politician from Nothern Ireland ejaculating his bloodstreaked cockporridge onto a dead French Mathematician. Those of you unfamiliar with either of the esteemed personages will now NEVER FORGET THEM, because SEMEN MAKES LEARNING FUN.)
      CommentAuthorJeff Owens
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2011
    Thanks! I hadn't read this before, and I really enjoyed it. It's like a more twisted version of The Tell-Tale Heart. I am, of course, scarred at mention of the MCP (Mandelbrot-cum-paisley).
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2011
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2011 edited
    Si, I want you to know I spend the last several hours, which I should have spent sleeping, reading the vast backlog of the Short 'n' Curlies. I now know three things about you that I did not know before.

    1: You're a hilarious bastard. I mean, I knew you were funny, and witty, but I simply did not know any one man could know so many phrases, all of which basically mean 'poo,' and still have a point to be made while saying them.

    2: You're going to end up stealing a lot more of my precious time in this quickly-fading life, the only one I've been issued, and will ever be issued. You are killing me, slowly, softly, with your words, and I'm too stupid to tell you to stop.

    3: You're absolutely, positively, no-doubt-in-my-mind, the right man for the job of head bartender here.

    Also, that's a pretty good comic you wrote, there. I'm never having kids EVEN MORE now, thanks to it.
  2.  (9925.5)
    Just when I didn't think I could hate babies any more...
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2011
    @keyofsilence I dyslexified that as "I didn't think I could eat babies anymore..." and I felt really bad for you.

    Seriously though, that was sufficiently unnerving for 8 pages. Pure nightmare fuel, I love it.
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2011
    i feel gross
      CommentAuthorCameron C.
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2011
    Semen makes a lot of things fun.

    Or so I hear.
    • CommentTimeJun 7th 2011
    Lovely. You warmed my heart, mostly because I imagined Mandelbrot with (inside) Paisley. Just desserts and all that jazzy fractal man-cream.

    But also because.. well, I'm sitting on a street-corner with good speakers, 144 cans of beer, 2 bottles of gin, 4 of jägermeister and a bottle of good single malt scotch whisky - waiting to get picked up. Or mugged, whichever comes first.

    I've been waiting 4 hours, about 40 minutes to go... and you gave me something to do.

      CommentAuthorJon Wake
    • CommentTimeJun 8th 2011
    That was FANTASTIC. Goddamn I love good horror.