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    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011
    I've had a very strange time lately. I've been going through a bout of depression coupled with panic attacks for the last week or so. Fun! Or not. It's made the simplest things difficult. Thankfully, I have supportive people around me that listen to me whine and bitch. But I don't like listening to myself carry on like that, so I sequestered myself in my house for the weekend to sort my brain out.

    This was a good idea, it seems. Yesterday I was fatigued and miserable and spent most of the day in bed watching tv. Today I woke up and made things. I tried doing some things that I had initially waved off, like working on some art, taking some time to be alone, and singing out my frustrations. I'll be damned. It worked. I feel a million times better than yesterday.

    I think just a lot of things that I've been having to deal with ganged up on me at once. My grandmother is dying, there's family drama by the truckloads, my job is stressing me out, I'm going to be moving in the next few weeks, etc. I hadn't quit with the drugs a couple of years ago, I'd be doing my best Linday Lohan impersonation about now. So learning how to deal with all this without the chemical assistance is a lot like learning how to walk again. I'm wobbly as fuck, but getting my footing.

    And I cut my hair just a little too short. I'd post a picture, but I hate it. Thankfully, it grows like wildfire, so I won't have to deal with this for too long.
  1.  (9976.22)

    Its been years and years but I've finally found a job which is part time and pays me just enough to pay rent and eat.

    I'm finally able to draw and make comics again and it feels great. All I've been doing for the past month is sitting up in my room drawing and wearing fat man pants. Its been fantastic.

    My goal is to work on my comic and maybe in the future make some extra income from it. Also I'm building a portfolio for children's illustrations. Truth be told I don't really like children but if I wanna draw for a living thats where the money as at (or so I've been told)

    Anyway thats me for the moe.
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011 edited
    Well, this week I am about the start the mid point week of the summer semester and continuing through the shit hole that I call work as I eagerly await graduating so I can get out of there, enough of that. At the end of this upcoming week a good friend and illustrator working on a script of mine is moving to Texas, followed at the end of the year by one of my best friends moving to Texas so I pretty much hat that state right now.

    This upcoming week will also bring my second sermon in a long time, a Linux command line midterm exam and more shit slinging at work. The upside is my second speech for my communications course, "Comics Are(n't) Just for Children," in which I mention the work of Mr. Ellis and others who bring adult themes and issues to comics.

    As summer has rolled around I switch, musically, over to hip-hop, specifically Blackalicious. By the end of the year my comic should be produced and hopefully printed, somewhere.

    This happened, by the way I work in finance, for now.


    And this is me watching some tv.

    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011
    First post woooo! Long time lurker, first time poster, blah blah blah. Just haven't had anything that interesting to say I suppose. ...And continuing in the that vein, I'm not really doing shit, other than drinking myself into a stupor and chain smoking my face off. However in lieu of interesting insight into my night, here's something amusing that happened to me a few days ago...

    I was out running an errand today, and I pulled up to a stop sign right next to one of those “assisted living” sort of places. You know, the buildings where old people who’s families have abandoned them go to die? Yeah. Well I guess someone bit the dust, because there was a bunch of EMTs outside the building with a stretcher that clearly had a body on it, but was completely covered up and no one seemed like they were in any sort of rush. (so I’m pretty sure it was a corpse). Anywho, as I pulled up the stop sign 2 of them starting rushing over and flagging me down. I had to explain to them that I just drive a hearse for fun and wasn’t actually there to pick anyone up.

    Although… I must admit, for a second there, I was pretty tempted to tell them to just throw the stiff in the back…

    Here's a picture of M.A.U.D.E. She's a 1972 Cadillac.
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011
    Despite most people in here having stressful or otherwise subpar weeks, my week has been pretty stellar. There is a distinct possibility that I feed off of the unhappiness of the human race.

    There hasn't been a single event or even a set of events that have made this week good for me. I think that I just really enjoy being productive, which up until now has been an unusual situation for me. Hopefully I'll be able to keep going like this in the future, as I think I am finally starting to develop some decent habits around getting things done (for those that want tips: don't work at home, especially when you have many shiny distracting games that your mobile computer can't handle). I've gotten a whole bunch of programming done this week, and today I managed to chew through over half of a short story for Steevo's super-short fic thingy. It's looking like I'll be able to finish this one, too, which is a bonus.

    I think another part of it is that it is finally starting to sink in that I'm done with school. I feel like I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop since I finished just less than a month ago, and just recently someone came along and swept the first shoe into a corner when I had my back turned.

    This evening has turned out ruddy brilliant, so I'm going to spend the rest of it sitting back and enjoying some tasty beer.
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011
    @trini Thanks! Good to know this is a common side effect.
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011
    This week has had me mostly frustrated with a boy, but that seems to be the thing I always talk about when I come here, so I'll spare you that this time around.
    This weekend we have had a family reunion for my mom's side. I'm not close to an of these cousins, and found I had nothing to talk about with any of them. There's one that's trying out for the Olympics next summer, and that didn't even come up. It was just the usual small talk, where's are you with school/work/whatever. It lasted maybe 3 minutes. And that's the longest conversation I've had with anyone here.
    I also failed once again to purchase Comic Con tickets. My hopes weren't high this time around, but it still reminded me of the heartbreak I had the first time I tried to get tickets, after saving for it for a couple of years and whatnot. It's all for the best, really, as the money I had saved wound up going to a trip to New York, and I wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway. And I doubt there's any hotel rooms available that weekend in San Diego.
    Instead I'm going to try and go to a Printmaking conference in New Orleans this spring with my new school. My old printmaking professor and friend Adam informed me that they do that there, and they sell prints as a fundraiser. Looking forward to that. Hoping I can find a way to pay for it.
    Other plans include getting an etsy store up and running this week. I need better images of a couple things first, but I'm hoping to put stuff up on Monday. I've basically got the listings ready for a handmade book of prints, a large print, a small print, and some old prints I'm sick of owning so I'll be selling for like $3 each. Once I have a working printer, I'd like to start selling my one finished comic. Once I have access to a printing press I'd like to list more stuff. And I've got more prints and drawings lying around. Hopefully something will sell, and I'll be able to use that money for New Orleans fund or the Give Trishelle Money So She Can Eat Because It's Healthy To Do That Every Once In A While And Sometimes She Gets Sick of Being So Skinny Fund.
    I started a new comic this weekend. I'm currently using a 4 panel grid and calling it "Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder" because that's what my boyfriend told me before the summer and I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Not sure if it's true or not, but it seems to be in some cases. For my summertime day job I'm working with an old friend who used to live across the street and we would play Barbies and watch Sailor Moon together as kids, and I'm really realizing just how much I missed her and how sad it is I suck so bad at keeping in touch with people. But when it comes to the boy, distance just makes things more frustrating.
    I don't know where it will go, if I'll ever finish it. I'm coming to realize that my art is autobiographical narratives in all the mediums I use. The pieces I'm most proud of are the ones that make me cry when I talk about them (and my Woman in Training print because no one will shut up about how much they love that thing). I think this comic will be one of those. I just have a hard time with comics because they take me such a long time, and sometimes I feel different about the subject midway through the work and they don't feel true anymore. My last comic was a struggle, as a lot of it was time spent with the boy, and he dumped me when I was half done inking it, and the last thing in the world I felt like drawing was the two of us together.
    I want to do comics. I want to make autobiographical art. I don't know how much I really want to do autobiographical comics though. But it seems to be the obvious option.
    I am listening to family playing Settlers of Catan, a game I don't much enjoy, but have been asked to play about 50 times this weekend. I'm listening to a terrible children's show on the television in my uncles cabin. I'm listening to people that I'm physically close to at the moment speak, and I'm contemplating the idea of distance some more. I'd rather be listening to my pencil moving across some paper and my friend Becky's songs, but I've been very antisocial about this thing, and there's currently no screaming children. I can wait.

    Thanks, Warren, for everything.
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011
    Tell me about your week.
    Not much to tell besides my best friend coming down from back home. He came to go to GearFest, which is a big fucking tradeshow thing that my wife's employer puts on for music geeks and nerds of all sorts. Alan Parsons happened to come this year, and I was, frankly, bored to tears. I'd love to pick his brain over a pint, but he's not great in front of a crowd. HOWEVER, I also sat in on a couple other presentations, including one with Dave Ellefson (from Megadeth) and Frank Bello (from Anthrax) and I got to ask a question during Q&A! It was pretty sweet!

    My friend, he's a drummer. I am not. So we finally worked out a drum bit that has been bothering me for a while in a song I'm working on. Don't know if it will get to full song level, but at least it's better now that it was.

    Oh, and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention that I got published in a lit zine my friend put together. Since I neglected to put the link up anywhere else, you can check it out at Magcloud. Page 12 is all me.

    Tell me your ambitions.
    Right now it's getting into and finishing school. If I get in this year and manage to graduate, I'll be 34 when I get out. I think that will be enough avoiding the real world for one person.

    Tell me one thing you want to have done by year's end.
    I'd like to a) get published somewhere that isn't run by a personal friend, or b) finish an EP's worth of good songs. I've been spinning in a rut for a good three years. It's time to get out of it.

    Tell me... hell, tell me what your new favourite thing is,
    Toontrack Superior Drummer 2.0. It's a lot of fun when you're triggering it with a Rock Band drum kit.
    what you're listening to right now,
    Lately it's been bouncing between thrash metal and Lady Gaga. I also finally got a good mp3 copy of Ziggy Stardust, so I don't have to fire up the turntable every time I want to annoy the hell out of my wife. (I play the opening progression to the title track on my acoustic, and it drives her insane and I giggle madly every time she half-heartedly attempts to kill me. Having it on my computer, available without warning, delights me.)
    tell me anything you want me to know.
    Alan Parsons is freakishly tall. There must be something magical about tall, bearded Brits named Alan.

    Get something off your chest, make me laugh, or simply touch yourself furtively in the dark.
    1. Nothing much to say. I do hope that The Transition is painless and that you'll come tickle our brains occasionally here.
    2. I am terribly unfunny. I can't even think of a good Dead Baby Joke right now. You've probably heard them all anyway.
    3. I'll get to that later. Hopefully I can make arrangements to have it done for me.

    Good night, Herr Ellis, and I hope this isn't the last one of these threads we see.
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011
    Yesterday I took a standup paddleboard lesson and was always last in the group. I wasn't trying to go easy. Even though I thought that I was putting in the same effort as everyone else, the result of that effort didn't propel me forward at the same pace. I kept trying to move faster, but it wasn't happening. So I stopped trying so hard and had a better time.

    Last summer the little place where we were learning was filled with hundreds of stingrays and leopard sharks. I'd like to go out before they start coming. I probably wouldn't notice until I was in the middle of it all wondering why the water was black and moving strangely.

    If they start to mass again this year, I'll take pictures.
      CommentAuthorAlan Tyson
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011
    It is disturbingly likely that I just saved someone from an emotional crisis just through the simple act of talking to her about poetry.

    Just be there for other people when they ask you to be. That's all you have to do, I think - that's your debt re-payed, right there.

    @m4dh4tt3r: M.A.U.D.E. is one classy lady.
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011 edited
    Tell me about your week.
    It's been somewhat busy. One of those 'hurry up and wait' weeks where i rush to get stuff done and wait...and wait... and wait... for client input. But i've more or less accepted this is just part of the process. I have been finding things to occupy myself in the mean time.

    About a month ago, I volunteered to do some photographing for a charity benefit in my area - the event happened two nights ago;12 local bands raising money for an organization that provides funding and education for music in Canadian schools. Fun stuff, good experience.

    Tell me your ambitions. Tell me one thing you want to have done by year's end.

    I want - and need - to push my illustration and photography beyond 'hobbyist'. I feel a little tired of my current field and while i don't want to abandon it completely, feel like i need to return to my roots creatively and establish myself further. By year's end I'd like at least to be partially employed (not casually) in either field. I definitely need to set aside the time to make that happen. Hopefully once i'm over and done with the three work projects i've got now, i'll be able to do that.

    Tell me... hell, tell me what your new favourite thing is, what you're listening to right now, tell me anything you want me to know.
    As an odd delinquent child, i would *not* do my homework. I would *not* be a responsible student. Instead, I would watch TV. It was so insidious that my parents rigged up a wooden box installed around a timer, which the TV was plugged in to... so I'd just grab a screwdriver from my Dad's toolbox and take the box apart.

    Just to watch reruns of classic TV mysteries. Like Banacek. The Rockford Files. McMillan & Wife. Remington Steele.

    Columbo.. It goes without saying - RIP Peter Falk.

    In other news, I attended a KD Lang concert last Friday - it was incredible. Then two days later, performances by Joey Wright and John Southworth. I think i've been spoiling myself for music lately.

    Summer is ramping up here. So is festival season... and just events in town in general. There's so much i want to do and see but so little time. I really wish i didn't have to wear so many hats but I'm resigned to the fact that I want/need control over all parts of my business and find it difficult to manage otherwise. It's that or take on a 9-5 again (and I think I've pretty much ruined myself for that at this point). Not that normalcy wouldn't be nice, but weathering months of emptiness then months of utter frustration over being ridiculously busy would be easier if i didn't have to do it alone.
  2.  (9976.32)
    This week I took two finals on my long ambitious road to becoming a webdev with a degree. My favorite thing right now is A Song of Fire and Ice. I'm listening to the audiobooks now. Today I'm having a boys night with the missus' little brother and young second cousin. It's sad when 11 year old and 6 year old beat you at Marvel versus Capcom 3.
    • CommentAuthorStefanJ
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011 edited
    First somewhat relaxed week in some time. Rumors, lost deals, and cancelled projects at work, and consequently long sleepless nights wondering if I'd be getting the axe, for reasons having nothing to do with my performance or accomplishments.

    Ambitions? Cripes, I found myself day-dreaming about winnng the lottery. I like my job fine, and it pays well, but since getting into the high-tech high-pressure thing I can't think about the future or things I'd like to do past the weekend.

    I kept sane the last few weeks by working on a spontaneous project:


    Beautiful perfect sunny Oregon day. Got stuff done on my car, saw the X-Men movie, got my watch fixed, sanded and painted model rockets.

    If I can wind myself down enough, I'll spend tomorrow reading A Wise Man's Fears and a Jim Woodring FRANK adventure.
    • CommentTimeJun 25th 2011
    This week I'm just trying to recover from crunch time at work. Also, trying to get this damn EEG machine to work for a crashspace project.

  3.  (9976.35)
    Hello the internet.

    A handful of Big Things happened since last we spoke. I got a promotion at work (effective July 11th), so now I are a Lead instead of a Specialist, and that is good. This past week I got approval for the apartment that I wanted because I am fairly certain that it is the only place that will make living in Phoenix bearable for me, being within walking distance of a couple of cool little bars and art galleries and a pretty nice organic grocery place that sells vegenaise (I was very worried that I wouldn't be able to get that in Phoenix). On the other hand, my experience of Phoenix when I was out there apartment hunting soured me on that city even more than I already was, so I'll be even more desperate to get myself a job back out here in California as soon as possible. Also I am moving at the end of July, which puts a pretty hard deadline on me doing the rest of my Farewell L.A. Tour.

    Spent all day at a family function in Santa Barbara because cousin from Australia and cousin from Canada were in town. Fun to spend time with my nieces, but I always feel awkward and slightly guilty around my grandfather because he is so old and frail now and I don't visit him as often as I should because I don't want my last memories of him to be of him as old and frail.

    I liberated my trombones from my mother's house and have played a bit on one of them and discovered that my chops are pretty much completely gone, which is to be expected since I haven't played regularly since high school, or at all for about five years. I think that I will be spending rather a lot of time driving my neighbours crazy teaching myself to play again.

    Here is me in my fancy clothes for shits and giggles playing my '40s vintage Olds:
    This trombone was named Ernie because I named it before I realized that you should always give a musical instrument a woman's name.  My other one's name is Bert.
      CommentAuthorMild Maynyrd
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2011 edited
    Whatup Warren.

    I'm writing this on my mobile device, sitting in a hotel room full of empty beer cans, a half gone bottle of brandy, a cashed bottle of some fancy liquor shit with an orange label, and an unopened bottle of champagne. No, this is not a typical Saturday night for me. Someone is naked lying next to me, dreaming of multiple conversations at once ala an Altman flick. The television is stuck on some disgusting infomercial loop selling some sort of elaborate cardio machine. Juice, juice, juice. We got a winner. Outside the window and about 20 floors down there is a group of people congregating near a parking garage. They're standing in a circle pointing at things and laughing. It is just now 2 am. I can't help but think about my next album, my novel, and the supposed brain life-span after death. What in the fuck goes on in a brain after death? What is going on across the hall and a door down? And why does my reflection in the mirror look like some person I've never seen before? Thankfully it isn't a bear head. At least.
    • CommentAuthorOxbrow
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2011
    It's my birthday, and what I want above all is for the Edinburgh Book Festival website to work now that tickets are on sale. Grrr.
  4.  (9976.38)
    I'm now 31 and now I feel older, which I didn't last birthday. I go back to the old country in about six weeks, though only for ten days, and after that things will probably change for me in one way or another and I still can't tell how despite wracking my brains for about four months now. Tomorrow I hope I can get my visa sorted so I can continue to live in pretty much the same way for a while and not have to flee the country. It's a little annoying having to justify my stay in the country every year, but it's nothing really to complain about. If I couldn't support myself here it's not like I'd be able to stay anyway.

    And I'm in a weird place, both in my relationship and with regards to friends in general. In the last year most of my good friends here have gone back to their own countries, which is natural, but I can't deny it's pretty lonely, and being lonely gives you more time to obsessively try to over-think every decision in your life.Well.

    I've been immersing myself in music, both making and listening to it more recently, so I've been dropping the writing and drawing side of things and that's probably what I should've done a long time ago. I think I need the focus. And today I've been wrestling with RSS feeds and all those little gadgets and apps and shit that, if I can get them all lined up would make my life easier, but it's doing that isn't it? It's getting them all lined up without one of them breaking. Anyway, I was inspired to sort that shit out by Warren, so it's all his fault.

    Yesterday I found a big, gorgeous art book of Gilbert and George's work in the clearance section of a bookstore. Awescore! And it was too cold here yesterday, which I was overjoyed about after a few days of genuine heat. When I say I hate the summer, I really, really mean it.
  5.  (9976.39)
    The most recent photographs of me, as Audrey Horne...


    and accidentally looking frighteningly like Daisy from Spaced at the Simon Pegg signing...


    Tell me about your week.

    On Monday celebrated a roommate's birthday by lounging on a private rooftop lounge at a swanky design firm on Park Avenue with a view of the Flatiron and Empire State Building. Yesterday, I saw a free performance by Reggie Watts. These make me happy for being back in NYC, but I'm thinking of... Portland next?

    Thursday, I missed the Amanda Palmer show I had tickets for due to throbbing brain pressure. As a follow up to missing the King Lear with Derek Jacobi that I had tickets for, after also missing the entirety of Faith No More last year, I think I'm not going to allow myself to buy ticktets in advance for anything. Also, being that two weeks ago I met Robin at the Shat Ball and managed to remain oblivious that my drink was being perpetually refilled by a redshirt and thus get so dangerously drunk I was without the ability to get myself home, I have decided I'm not going to drink anymore (again). These past six months I'd been sticking my toe back in the pool of lushous inebriation, and I think I am too much a creature of momentum and compulsion to be trusted to drink alcohol. I'll keep it for special occasions in super safe environments.

    Being so starkly reminded that my health still ruins things, I've begun a new round of new NYC doctor going. Wheeeeeee.

    Tell me your ambitions.

    To be happy. To be in love with someone who is in love with me back. To get my brain decompression surgery. To travel. To write. To get a college degree. To perform on stage. To paint. To read all the books I own. To learn how to not compulsively eat. To not feel haunted by the ratio of my age and lack of accomplishment.

    Tell me one thing you want to have done by year's end.

    I want to be secure.

    Tell me... hell, tell me what your new favourite thing is, what you're listening to right now, tell me anything you want me to know. Get something off your chest, make me laugh, or simply touch yourself furtively in the dark.

    Right now, I'm watching the Columbo episode "Last Salute to the Commodore". It's my favorite episode. At the time of it's filming, it was thought to be the last episode, due to contract disagreements. It's the only episode to NOT show the murder happening first. It was directed by Patrick McGoohan, and it's so brilliant and awkward and weird and I love it.

    Yesterday I was thinking of those "That awkward moment when..." things I keep reading. All the ones that come to my mind are terrible, wrong, and (to me) hilarious:

    That awkward moment when, days after being released from the mental hospital after the abortion induced psychological breakdown, your best friend discovers she's pregnant. And she's keeping it.

    That awkward moment when, after repeatedly telling one friend how superior your other friend's heroin is, they meet and discover they have the same dealer.

    That awkward moment when you realise your bad-idea sex bruises are camoflauged by your drunkenly-falling-down-subway-stairs bruises.

    That awkward moment when you realise that you are already older than Bill Hicks was when he died, and you've not done a goddamned thing.

    Ha ha ha... hah.
    • CommentTimeJun 26th 2011
    Well now, I finally found the upper limits of characters permitted in a post here. I hadn't meant to, it seemed better to add the below to my original post than give a SNOM Round 2. I'm not taking the piss, at least not intentionally. Promise. But I really wanted to tell Warren this, and anyone else who is having a tough time sleeping tonight --

    Edited 11 hours after posting to add:

    Just a few minutes ago I realized something: my old pen name of "nobody" doesn't fit me any more. I gave it to myself somewhere around the age of 12 or 13 and used it well into my 20s. My first IRC nicknames were "nobody" or variations thereof, and I continued using it on my first blog and even my Myspace page. But I was starting to prefer other nicknames by the time I got on Twitter and now I haven't felt the need for this nom de plume in three years or so. It's been in my mental space somewhere around 20 years, so realizing such a huge part of my self-image has change so certainly is a little bit breathtaking.

    I used to wish, fervently at times, that I could be a non-etity. The opposite of an entity. I wished I could just be intelligence, floating about, watching everyone and taking pleasure in observable existence. I hated looking after myself. I was embarrassed at the space I took up. That absolute flip between completely silent and making even the slightest noise felt like an offense to me. But still I had my opinions and my feelings and I couldn't help by feel driven to make them known. It was how my emo confusion manifested itself in my teens and carried on into adulthood. I don't want it to sound trite; I'm not playing it down. I had severe mood issues when I was younger and still bear the scars. It's just that, like anyone, I had to find a way to see the world so that I could cope with it. But I've outgrown it. Maybe.

    Damn, I really want my ouroboros tattoo now.

    While I'm at it: Happy birthday! to Mssrs Infomancer, Oxbrow, and MagicSword! I've already had a bit to drink, I'm retroactively making it in your honor!


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