The parking roulette goes like this: Street cleaning every Wednesday and Friday for street cleaning that never seems to happen. Protest or negligence costs forty bucks. My neighbors stack the game, leaving their cars on the safe side for days at a time.
Ticket time begins at 10 a.m., easy for most people, but I am not most people. A) I work at night. B) My overactive thinker makes sleep an uncertainty. Never sure when it will happen and for how long. Most days I'm okay with 4 or 5 hours, others, well no alarm exists that can rouse me from my crash.
I crashed last night. Woke at 9:58. A quick internal budget provided the funds for continued inertia. Pride made me stand. Axe body spray, a fresh fabric skin, the pre-packed survival satchel, and I was off, drowsy and muddled.
The great thinkers of LA congregate in coffee houses. You can tell their quality by the ones they choose, funky or independent. The problem with the funk is the employees work to their own standard. The Latino kid at Psychobabble on Vermont kept his low. The wifi and parking are the only reasons to go there no matter whose working.
He vanished, simply vanished after putting my bagel in the toaster. A line of thinkers formed in his absence. They called out for assistance and whispered strategies to procure the network passwords. Finally, the kid appeared, oblivious or reveling in the malevolent stares.
Then, she arrived, a whirlwind that cut the line with unmedicated fury. She wanted nothing but to express her world view to the under caffeinated and that view pertained to Psychobabble and how she hated it, the employees, the owners, and all the great thinkers who toiled there.
She'd been burned by bad service, used as a sperm dump by some guy called Gary, and fuck us all for not appreciating all she did for Los Angeles, Los Feliz, and the generality of the world. It was the type of performance that reminds you exactly where you are. LA is a city of well-groomed crazy, generally isolated in their cars and homes, just looking for a stage.
And since that crazy's been honed in pursuit of some craft, public displays come furnished with headshots on request. At the door, she spun around, paused for the proper beats, and said "I hate this fucking place." Several people thought about asking for a glossy at that moment. You could see it in their eyes.
And me without my headphones.
I went to the counter where the kid remained, a little shellshocked, but grateful for the buffer the counter provided.
"Puta," he muttered. "Crazy, huh?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Can I have my fucking bagel, kid? It's been 15 minutes."
He wears a denim jacket and flannel shirt. His barrel chest has aquiesced to age and his stomach has become a weight-watcher's nightmare. His hairstyle is a sort-of cross between Tommy-rocker and late Elvis impersonator.
He's also a racist.
Usually it's just dirty looks and something muttered under his breath, but other times I can make out the words 'fucking' and 'paki' and he spits whenever I walk past or he cycles by, breathing heavily, face redder than a baboon's backside.
I've considered saying something. But what do I say? Do I shout, swear, chastise, mock, pity?
If he hasn't learnt anything in his fifty-odd years on this planet what words can I throw at the fool?
It seems to me that, at least in my area, we live disconnected from each other IRL. Families don't eat together much, don't do much of anything together. We don't talk to our neighbors, and I don't think anyone in my town knows who their local beat-cop is, much less would ask him for help with anything (our cops are scary). We don't watch our fellow humans as if they were people. We watch them as if they were objects put in our way for the mere purpose of annoyance. Please and Thankyou? Pfft. Who the hell heard of that?
So, with a lack of RL socialization, I turn to the blog, seeking connection, friendship, something to cure that "Oh God I'm alone and surrounded by idiot zombies" feeling that curls deep within my black little heart.
I just can't identify with my 20-something peers with their 2-3 young children, wellfare and mcdonalds lifestyles supported (HAPPILY!- how do they manage to be happy in such poverty?) by bad jobs and the nightly napenthe of booze. I look at them- my peers who never did much after graduation, and try to strike up conversations, when words falter.
I don't have anything in common with these people, these wage-slaves who spend so much time with their kids and their crap jobs that they've forgotten there is a life beyond that box, that other things exist. I don't drink, I don't do illegal drugs. I read. I write. I use "Big" words like Genre, sycophant and plebian.
I look at the people I knew in high school, and I have nothing to say to them. They look at me; the feeling's mutual. We both speak english, live in the same city. But our values, our lives, our loves are so different that we might as well be speaking different languages.
So... I blog. I chat. I e-mail. I digitally communicate, because, goddamnit, I need wit. I need vitriolic sarcasm. I need Intelligence. I need sharp, curious minds, people aware of what's around them.
i miss the days of having hobbies like chain smoking and drinking enough coffee to cause tetanus-like symptoms. i have a soft spot for egotists and megalomaniacs (suppose the difference between them is really sort of subtle and probably unimportant). i might be one or the other. i can't decide if i want to do what i can to help the human race survive itself, or sit back and enjoy a nice drink while watching things continue to spiral downward. i find it a bit humorous that i taste as bitter as i feel.
yes, i just licked myself to test this (my ARM, for god's sake you sick fucks. christ.).
Got a load of prepubs/galleys; several books that'll be available in tpb or pb within the next few months and are allready out; along with How to Self-Destruct by Jason Seiden; scheduled to be out in April of 08 and Ariana Franklin's The Serpent's Tale, which came out sometime this month. It shows when I haven't been to the store for a while; the load of old Galleys which haven't found homes on the shelf gets bigger, and bigger. There's still a lot of stuff from last year on the shelf marked 'review books' that my peers and I take from; indeed, most of the books I got in this ramble are already out; Ray Bradburry's Farewell Summer, Aryn Kyle's The God of Animals, and William Gibson's Spook Country.